Thursday, May 31, 2007

London Pics

Finally uploaded, for your consideration.

My home computer is yet to be connected to the internets (I know, I am ridiculous), so until I get my ass in gear and buy a wireless card, I'll be uploading pics at work.

Just make me employee of the year and be done with it, seriously.

Sheila's Wheels

My trip to London was to visit K-10, and if we saw some museums or monuments at some point, that was great, but not necessary. We talk every day, but we hadn't "hung out" in over a year. Sure, I wanted to buy shoes and try great restaurants and get pissed at the pub, but watching TV together while devouring chips and salsa is what we really needed.

Ah, friendship...

American sitcoms are prevalent there - Friends was (and still is) wildly popular, and they show Scrubs, Ugly Betty, and even great, though cancelled, programs like Miss Match.

Nothing could have prepared me for the commercials, though. I mean, I know that we have some annoying ones (that Pepto Bismol one? LORD), but this one takes the cake. I had it in my head for the entire trip, and I'm still finding myself singing it aloud.

The Queen

No, not that old biddy. Helen Mirren, in The Queen.

On Friday, K-10 and I headed to the Prince Charles Cinema to see the Oscar winner do her thing.


The film opens with a young Tony Blair about to be elected Prime Minister, and it's clear that the Royal Family is none too pleased about it. Blair (played wonderfully by Michael Sheen) gets off to a rocky start with Her Majesty, but things take a bit of a turn with Princess Diana's fatal accident in Paris.

This film is about one person: Elizabeth Windsor. And Helen Mirren acts the hell out of the role. She is a person bound to duty for life, a position that she never asked for and never expected - at least not at such a young age. She was never supposed to be queen, but when her uncle abdicated the throne and her own father became King, she was immediately groomed to become a monarch.

Diana's untimely death throws her monarchy into a questionable state and she is conflicted as to how to proceed. Does the Royal Family make condolences for the death of someone they didn't like? Or do they show their emotions for the mother of the future king of England?

She is ruled by duty and responsibility and deeply understands the importance of upholding the honor of the monarchy, so something as unprecedented as the death of a formal royal throws her for a loop.

The result of this brilliant screenplay is a touching, emotional film that shows the Royal Family at their most vulnerable. And even though the Family had no input, it really makes them seem human. Finally.

Structurally, all of the actors are a little too attractive for their respective roles (especially Prince Charles!), but that's Hollywood, right? The use of existing news-reels is extremely effective and causes the viewer to relive the moments of August 31, 1997.

Really, though, the bottom line? Helen Mirren deserved every ounce of that Oscar.

Wednesday, May 30, 2007

Jet Lag


I'm back in good old humid-as-Satan's-armpit DC, and not too happy to be at work. Glad to be home, but I miss K-10!

Lots to report about the tail end of my trip - once I get about ten thousand more hours of sleep. London was just off the chains. Love it.


Sunday, May 27, 2007

Get Me the Hell Out of Here

Growing up, my parents took us to museums and classical concerts more times than I can remember. My favorite museum - by far - was the Exhibit Museum of Natural History at the University of Michigan.

I loved the wildlife exhibits, the birch canoe, and the planetarium, but the dinosaurs were my favorite. They were enormous and scary, exciting and interesting. We visited there at least once a month. I loved that place so much that I started working there at the start of my sophomore year of college and continued until a few days before I moved to Washington.

I still sneak into the National Museum of Natural History every so often, usually before the public is admitted, just to see those dinosaurs, so I knew that I would want to visit the Natural History Museum here in London.

It's an absolutely beautiful building, with stone animals perched atop the ledges and above the windows and arches. It looks like a castle:

The admittance line was astronomically long, and we queued for thirty minutes - just to get in! At one point, we felt like we were at Cedar Point, waiting for The Magnum:

Once we got inside, and after the bag check, we were then corralled into yet another queue. I mean, I know that the dinosaurs are popular, but... really?

Once we got in, triceratops greeted us impressively:

This was a small carnivore (can't remember which), but the main reason for the picture was because it looked like he was skateboarding above the crowds:

I was disappointed to be corralled through the entire exhibit, being prodded to move along. The signage was minimal and not at all comprehensive. Their specimens were lacking in so many ways: they were hung from above and the visitor passed them on a suspended catwalk. This placed them at eye level and completely minimized their enormity. They seemed small and, well... boring.

It was SO CROWDED that I started to feel a little claustrophobic and extremely annoyed. I finally turned to K-10 and said something I never thought I'd say in a museum:

"Get me the hell out of here."

I mean, I'm glad that we went, but I felt a little ripped off after waiting for so long, and it was impossible to even enjoy (or read) the text on the exhibits.

Oh, and here's the dinosaur queue from above. It was insane:


But I Digress

Saturday night was fantastic! We dined at Asia de Cuba, an Asian-Cuban fusion restaurant near Leicester Square. We ordered the Thai Beef Salad to start (pretty spicy!), and the Tropical Black Vinegar Hoisin Duck as our main course (perfectly prepared with a mango salsa). The vastly different flavors complimented each other dramatically and made our dinner unique and very memorable! Because the portions were ridiculously huge, sharing is encouraged as the rule. Oh, and the wine was very, very nice as well. I can see why K-10 loves the place so much!

We hopped in a taxi to Digress, a bar in Soho, to meet some of her friends from school. It was there that I ordered the largest bottle of cider that I've ever seen, and it was magnificent.

I love cider!
Cider is served over ice here. Completely bizarre, but nice.
And those ciders? SMALL.

Owen, being chivalrous.

Owen and K-10: adorable.

K-10 didn't have any cider.
I did.


Saturday, May 26, 2007

It Totally Smelled Like Pee

Trying not to wrinkle my nose.

Portobello Road

On Saturday mornings, tourists and locals alike head to Portobello Road, the world's largest antiques market, in Notting Hill. We got up early and were out the door by 8:30 (the first and only time that this has happened so far during my visit).

Streets throughout the city are marked by signs on buildings,
rather than street corners.
Woolworth's! Remember those?

A street performer entertains the earlybirds.

Vendors pridefully display their wares.
And these wares are simply beautiful. And delicious.

Many houses in Notting Hill boast famous former residents.
This was the most famous name. That I actually recognized.

Peppers and aubergines (eggplants).

Boas. I wanted to wrap myself in all of them.

It's a good thing that SOMEone could see over the crowds.

I'm not sure who this is supposed to be, but he reminded me of the mural in Ann Arbor on Liberty and State Street.

The market was just amazing - there were so many different vendors, and if you like antiques, you would pretty much be able to find whatever it is you desire. I passed on the 100-year-old copy of Pride and Prejudice, but I made all sorts of other purchases including a great bag and a cute pair of (new) shoes.

And a bracelet.

And an Audrey print.

And a few pashminas.

Yeah, it was awesome.

Friday, May 25, 2007

The Roadhouse

The Roadhouse was super fun!

First off, though: A public service announcement.

I don't like it when my voice sounds like this,
and it's really not all that becoming to make fun of others, but...
Ladies. Listen.

Formal shorts? NOT OKAY.
Big, fat, ugly belts that serve absolutely no purpose as belts? NO.

The stools reject your formal shorts.

Formal shorts and cowboy boots? ABSOLUTELY NOT:

My eyes.

And gentlemen. How can I put this politely?
Skinny jeans, white shoes, and a white belt all looked ridiculous in the 80s, and they look ridiculous now.

Please, D.A.R.E. to say no.
Anyway, here's where the actual fun begins.
(And where I stop acting like a complete asshole
by taking pictures of total strangers and judging their poor style decisions).

Heather loves free cosmos!

K-10 loves to drop empty bottles in the rubbish bin just to hear the clatter.

Heather loves cute golf pros.

Yay! I miss acting ridiculous with my bestie.

Thursday, May 24, 2007

It's Elementary

Oh my God, we are retarded.

We lounged about all morning, because neither of us could be fucked to take a shower, when we got a text from one of K-10's school chums. He was to be at the Senate Square library in thirty minutes and wanted to know if we wished to meet him there. K-10 had a book due, so we both showered and dressed and were out the door in twenty-five minutes.

It was amazing. Two girls? Got ready in under a half hour? I mean, it's just so impressive!

Then it was off to 221 B Baker Street, where we... well, just see for yourself:

It was a historic house museum, but hilarious because it was designed for a fictional character. We had a blast acting like idiots, trying on hats and posing with the characters from the stories (my absolute favorite story is "The Speckled Band." K-10 is posing with the antagonist in the 5th pic).

Also? How sad is it that I am just barely taller than the page boy?

Thanks for indulging my literary ridiculousness, K-10!

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

London - Wednesday (Day 2)

K-10's street...

...and flat.

K-10 had to "work" a half-day this morning, so we ditched the museum plans and went shopping on Oxford Street most of the afternoon. Absolutely brilliant. AND, I found a pair of shoes. That's right. They are very wee.

We grabbed some amazing burgers at Giraffe, near her flat. Great food, so-so service.

Sherlock and Watson tomorrow. Sweet!

Tuesday, May 22, 2007


Having a bonzer time in London, my lovelies.

First off, Virgin Atlantic is amazing. The flight was perfect from take-off to landing, the food was more than edible, and the guy sitting next to me slept almost the entire time.

And they didn't lose my suitcase.

A+, Virgin Atlantic. A-freaking-PLUS.

Also, the flight attendants were the most attractive men and women that I have ever seen. The ladies were styling in their red skirt suits and the gentlemen wore their purple-lined, three-piece suits with ease. And they were SO NICE. My last flight here on Continental was the complete opposite with bitchy flight attendants and a seatmate who PAINTED HER NAILS. On an AIRPLANE.

Some people...

K-10 met me at Heathrow (in a tee shirt and heels. Of course) and we hopped on the Tube for our lovely ride into London. Now, I am not on top of the current fashion trends or anything, but the outfits here? Sweet Jesus. I wanted to take pictures so, so badly, but I thought that would limit my karmic output. So I didn't. But ladies: white patterned tights with black daisy dukes? Frankie says NO.

Tomorrow? Shopping and this.

Man, it's a good thing that she loves me. Very few would put up with my nerdiness.

Monday, May 21, 2007


I'm about to leave for Dulles, so everyone send me good airport vibes! I need all that I can get!

I'll be posting in London (awesome), and K-10 might even begin her guest posting gig here on DC Donut.

Ohmigod, I'm so excited I could pee!

But I won't.

Always Be Prepared

I'm leaving work in about a half hour to get home and finish packing.

If you know me at all, you are aware how rare it is for me to NOT be finished packing. I love preparing for trips - the suitcase, the carry-on, the LISTS. I am insane when it comes to lists. But that's me, I'm crazy. And a little OCD.

After dropping The Lady at Reagan on Sunday morning, I returned home (after driving many blocks out of my way to avoid this and had to park on the other side of Massachusetts Ave.) and proceeded to pack.

I found my favorite carry-on bag folded neatly on the floor of my closet, but something was... off. There was a strange smell, and unfortunately, I knew exactly what I would find even before I took a gander: a dead cockroach. It was on its back, legs curled, and had excreted a vile substance onto the lining of my pretty, pretty bag.

"Son of a bitch!"

I tossed the carcass and scrubbed the bag with 409. It smelled fine, but the whole experience ruined me for further packing. So I took a nap.

Or tried to take a nap. Just as I stretched out onto my bed, Jen hollered that Nigella was starting on the Food Network. OMG, I love her so much and it was her new show and yay! So I happily trotted to the couch and that's where I stayed. For the next three hours.

What the hell?

I occasionally waltzed back to my room to toss something into my suitcase, but since I couldn't really pack until today, I just figured that I had time. And since I was up late every night this weekend, I couldn't fall asleep at all last night. So I popped in the fourth season of Scrubs until I finally passed out.


Saturday, May 19, 2007


Congratulations, K-10!
She's done with her exams and only has to write that pesky little dissertation and then she'll be joining the MA club!

Except that hers will probably get her a much better job than mine.


But, yeah, this isn't about me. Nicely done, sloot! See you soon!

Wednesday, May 16, 2007

Now I'm Hungry

I got tagged, and at a great time, really -- I'm home sick and really, really tired of daytime tv. I've been to lots of restaurants around here, and though I've had some fabulous meals, these are the ones I frequent.

Here, then, are my five favorite DC restaurants, in no particular order:

Ella's is my favorite Happy Hour in town. I started going in the fall of 2003 and have been a regular ever since. The thin crust pizzas are covered in inventive toppings. The drinks - especially the sangria - are different than anywhere else. Ask Mike (the best bartender in town) for his pineapple basil martini.

I'm partial to the Cleveland Park location, just because I have some happy memories there; the food at the other two locations is just as good! I have yet to find a Mexican restaurant to rival my hometown favorite, but Alero comes pretty close. I always end up ordering the chimichangas, guacamole, and a big, fat margarita. It's a fun atmosphere with great service.

Zaytinya is an amazing tapas restaurant with an Eastern Mediterranean/Middle Eastern focus. I've tried things there that I never thought I would... and loved every single thing. The wine list is extensive and our server has never failed to recommend a great one. The tapas come out as they're ready, so you never wait long.

Lots of people will claim Matchbox among their favorites, so there is almost always a wait. But the food is pretty good, from the mini hamburgers to the salads to the pizzas. The ambiance is one of the best in town, and it's a great date place. I always try and take first time DC visitors here.

Thai Chili
I love Thai food, and this is the best of the many I've tried here in DC. While I'm a total creature of habit, ordering the Panang Chicken each time, I have tried several other things once in a while, and they've all been excellent. Besides the food, I love this place for the decor, the service, and the atmosphere.

And now I'm supposed to tag 5 more people...


Have at it!

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

Walking Death

Yesterday, I:

~wrapped myself around the copy machine, just to try to absorb some warmth.

~yelled at my scanner, because it turned itself on for absolutely no reason and scared the living crap out of me.

~decided that my legs are blindingly white and might possibly scare people.

~thought to myself, "I am going to regret this" as I took a bite of my McDonald's hamburger. And I did.

~drank root beer at a Happy Hour that I probably shouldn't have attended. Because I am walking death.

Today, I:

~ straggled into work at 11:00 a.m. because I was up half the night coughing. Then our secretary told me that I look like death. Fantastic.

~entered my pitiful bear in this contest (thanks, Gabe!).

~wrapped myself in a blanket and then around the copy machine.

~downed a quart of water in ten minutes.

~walked to the new Potbelly's just to get a bottle of Orangina.

~am considering leaving early. Because of the looking/feeling like death thing.

Monday, May 14, 2007


I'm getting a little nervous. My trip to London is a week away, and I've just started thinking about packing. I do have my list ready, though. Because that's how I roll. Plus, I have a contingency plan in case things don't go smoothly.

You see, the airlines and me? Don't get along. I can deal with delays, long lines at security, and a plane that looks like a big Tylenol, but I don't have luck like that. I have luck like this:

Trip to London, Thanksgiving 2003. Continental. I flew to London Gatwick and my bag flew to Orlando. A day later, it was delivered to K-10's flat.

Trip to Michigan, Christmas Eve 2006. Northwest. I flew direct from DC to Detroit. My bag flew to Manila. Really. I got it back a few hours before my flight back to DC on the 27th. Because it was in CUSTOMS. Gah.

Trip to Florida, 2007. US Air. My mom flew to Dulles for a connecting flight, and got stuck there overnight. I was in Miami. Alone.

I'm sure that everything will be fine this time around. I will make sure to have important items in my carry-on. Plus, I'm flying Virgin Atlantic, and they are supposed to ROCK. Fingers crossed, bitches!

Sunday, May 13, 2007


Happy Mother's Day, Lady!

I bought tulips at Eastern Market this afternoon - they're for you, but I'm going to keep them here. Every time I look at them, I'll think of you.

I saw a woman about my age, shopping with her mom at the Market. I was jealous that she was able to spend the day with her mom. I was sad that you weren't with me.

I wish that you weren't 500 miles away.

I hope that you enjoy your filet mignon, though. Have an extra glass of wine for me.

I'm going to stop feeling sorry for myself now, because you'll be here soon! And it will be AWESOME.

Thursday can't come soon enough...


This cold is evil. It has completely knocked me on my ass. Advil Cold and Sinus is my new boyfriend. He makes me feel light and clears my head. He makes me feel better about myself. He helps me to sleep through the night. He comes in pill form!

The Chili Blowoff party yesterday was fun, but I could have done without a certain revelation. Why is it that I allow myself into this situation time and again? I think that it has something to do with opening my heart. Letting my guard down. Trusting fully.


I just don't see it any other way - I can't imagine being in a relationship and having my blinders up. It would be like going to an art museum wearing sunglasses - you'd miss something. The careful brush strokes, the shadowy figures in the background, the vibrancy of the colors -- they'd be lost. And those little details are what make art go from good to great. It's true in life, in relationships. When you hold yourself back, when you don't open up, when you don't allow yourself to be completely vulnerable -- you're going to miss something.

Sometimes it hurts. Sometimes it really hurts. But when it's good? It's amazing.

I can deal with a little heartbreak if it means that I will someday know the opposite - that I will someday know what it means to be with someone who just wants to hold my hand and love me. Who adores me. Who wants me to be sublimely happy.

That's what I've always wanted for my other. I think that it's about time that I find someone who finally wants it for me.

Saturday, May 12, 2007

London, Baby!

And the countdown to London begins!

The last time I went to visit K-10 in London was Thanksgiving 2003. I was still in grad school, and she was living in Surrey - a crappy hour-long train ride to London. We only made it into the city twice (expensive!), which sucked, and then I got sick, which sucked even more.

Now? She's the one in grad school (though just finishing up - I had to wait a few months to buy my flight so she could get her exam schedule) and she's living in the middle of London. Methinks that it will be a slightly more lucrative trip this time around.

We don't have too much planned except for a few museums (I can't help myself) and a few fabulous dinners. Oh, and shopping. Though, I need to take it easy since the dollar isn't doing too well. Yeah, that's an understatement.

Basically, I'm just excited to see her. We talk every. single. day. so it's not like we miss each other - if that makes any sense. The past few times that she's been stateside, I was too wrapped up in a failing relationship to realize how important it was that I see her. Seriously, I have NO excuse for that. But that's friendship for you - you accept that the other can be a grade-A moron sometimes and know that she'll always return to start.

I leave at 11:00 p.m. on May 21. It feels like FOREVER away.

Friday, May 11, 2007


I don't read him regularly, but I should. Bill Simmons is a goooood writer.

Every so often, when I need it, I search for this, The Vengeance Scale. Its pure amazingness makes me cry with laughter every time. He references The Princess Bride (4.8), Melrose Place (5.9), and Can't Buy Me Love (2.1), alongside Darren McCarty's whomping of Claude Lemeiux (7.2).

It is simply brilliant.

He's also gorgeous. Right, Amanda?


I moved into my new apartment on Saturday, April 21.

Today is Friday, May 11.

Nineteen days, and I finally did a load of laundry.


But that's it, because this damn place charges $1.50 to wash and $1.50 to dry. The fuck?

But it's okay, because one of the big rules in college is to stock up on socks and underwear, and I carried that advice over into this post-graduate world. (Besides - is there a girl you know who doesn't love shopping for underwear?)

Seriously - look at these! WANT.

I can't wait to go to London -- all I'm buying are shoes and lingerie.

Thursday, May 10, 2007

The Barn

L'Enfant Plaza is not known for its shopping options (or dining options, for that matter). In fact, it's a pretty sorry mall-ish area all around. And I'm stuck there forty hours a week trying to stay sane.

(It was nice to be in Chinatown today for my eye exam - I miss the feel of being downtown. I may have even picked up a veggie burrito from Chipotle, just for nostalgia's sake. And it may have been SO GOOD. Side note: remember when I used to get free food there every time I went in? I saw that guy at the Nick Swardson show last Friday. He approached me and said, "This might sound weird, but do you remember getting free burritos at Chipotle in Chinatown?" He's working somewhere else now, but he remembered me. Lord, this makes me sound like I went there all the time, and I swear, I didn't!)

So imagine my surprise over the last few weeks, when walking by the DRESS BARN, I did a double-take each time. The dresses in the window were gorgeous! Dress Barn? Really?

But I never went in. (I think you know where this is going.)

I've been bringing my lunch lately, so I haven't had the pleasure of roaming the halls of the L'Enfant Promenade, except in the morning. Today, I craved strawberries and headed for one of the buffets. I passed the DRESS BARN and took a noticeable pause in front of the display window.

"That dress is adorable. I could totally see myself wearing it this summer. I mean, it's flowy and pretty and I wonder how much i... what the hell am I rambling about? It's the DRESS BARN. Those clothes can't be well-made and be that inexpens... But look at the pretty wrap dress! and the pretty prints! and does that one have a sash? I simply must hav... STOP IT. Go get the biscuit and go back upstairs or else I'm going to find myself buying chocolate at CVS. GOD."

And then...


I went into the DRESS BARN and LOOKED AROUND.

And you know? Not bad. The prices were reasonable, the fabric wasn't horrible, but sizes started at 4 , so I was out of luck. Still. It's good to know that judging a store by its name isn't always the best idea.


After the cockroach incident last week, I saw another. Slightly smaller, it was just chilling in the middle of the entryway on Saturday night. I sprayed it, threw on some jeans, and went to Hawk and Dove. I needed a drink. God.

I emailed our apartment manager, Beth, and she was helpful (as always. What a nice change after Maria the Demon from Hell). The exterminator was scheduled for the 14th, so she said that he would stop in then.

Then I got this email from her, "By the way, depending on how large these cockroaches are, they may be water bugs rather than roaches. Maybe you are familiar with the difference? Roaches are more brown, water bugs are jet black. Either way, I will sick Noble Pest on them!"

I replied, "Oh, they're cockroaches." And then I attached the picture.

I had a reply from her in less than two minutes: "I have never seen a bug that large in my. entire. life. I emailed it to Noble Pest and they replied that they were definitely coming tomorrow instead of Monday. They also said that these are bugs that come in with the mulch. They do not breed and survive inside, only outside. He will treat the mulch to kill them so they don't come in again, and treat your apartment to kill the ones that are already there."

That's right, bitch bugface! Suck it!

When I got home last night, there was a note from the exterminator, "Sprayed for roachzilla. Should be gone for good."

Ha! Roachzilla. Awesome.

Wednesday, May 09, 2007

Can't Live Without

The UK voted Pride and Prejudice as the book they couldn't live without. Second on the list? The Lord of the Rings trilogy.


I loved the LOTR trilogy. Loved. But can't live without? I don't know.

Here's the full list:

1. Pride and Prejudice
2. The Lord of the Rings
3. Jane Eyre
4. Harry Potter books
5. To Kill a Mockingbird
6. The Bible
7. Wuthering Heights
8. Nineteen Eighty-Four
9. His Dark Materials
10. Great Expectations

And then I read further: "The results were from an online survey of more than 2,000 book lovers."

A whole 2,000 people? Well, that explains it.

I mean, I love each and every one of those books, including the Bible, and a few might even be in my top ten, but this list is a bit too UK-centric (love the inclusion of Mockingbird, though).

Now if I were to do a top ten can't-live-without list, how would I justify the fun books? Would I have to include the scholarly books just so you people know that I am S-M-R-T (I mean S-M-A-R-T)? That would be a bit too "I care what people think," so I am going to shy away from it. There are very few books that I dislike, so I think that the ones that I've read over and over again are the ones that have stood my test of time.

So here we go: my favorite books.

Heather's Top Ten Can't-Live-Without Books
(subject to change)

1. To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee
2. Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen
3. The Feast of Love by Charles Baxter
4. Wuthering Heights by Emily Bronte
5. Never Let Me Go by Kazuo Ishiguro
6. Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone by J.K. Rowling
7. Anatomy of a Murder by Robert Traver
8. The Princess Bride by William Goldman
9. The Eyre Affair by Jasper Fforde
The Historian by Elizabeth Kostova

I think.

This is hard!

Seriously, try and figure out your own top ten can't-live-without books. Then list them here! (Amanda and K-10, I'm looking at you!). Be honest - don't list a book because it's considered a "classic." If you loved it, then sure, but don't try to impress me! And you don't have to think of ten - trust me, it's more difficult than you may think.

Tuesday, May 08, 2007

Listen to the Song of Life

Man, I am in a sappy mood. I just finished watching Katharine Hepurn: All About Me on TCM, and it was just wonderful. Clearly, I'm a different kind of Hepburn fan, but Katharine is a very close second.

She was strong, she was confident, she was devastatingly beautiful. She made it look easy.

"Listen to the song of life," her family's motto, was the final line in this documentary/biography, and it is definitely fitting. She had an inspired life - one she attributed entirely to her parents. Aw.

If you like Katharine, and the golden days of Hollywood, check out this biomentary (I just made that up)on TCM. Netflix has let me down on this one. Boo.


You know what? It doesn't matter if you actually remember to shave your legs so that you can wear a skirt to work.

When you forgo lotion and your legs are all dry and gross, IT LOOKS HORRIBLE.


Could this day go ANY SLOWER? I swear to GOD.

Sunday, May 06, 2007

Screen on the Green (!!!)

SOTG got it right and will be showing some great movies this year!

Monday, July 16: Annie Hall

Monday, July 23: The Thing From Another World

Monday, July 30: Wait Until Dark

Monday, August 6: All the King's Men

Monday, August 13: Casablanca

Obviously, I'm excited about Audrey and Wait Until Dark (what a great film), but the others? AWE. SOME. I can't wait to see Casablanca on that huge screen!

I love the campy addition (it's like a prerequisite).

(It looks like Atlanta has a SOTG as well, and their lineup is equally amazing. I want to go to both!)

Saturday, May 05, 2007


I caught Nick Swardson at Lisner Auditorium last night. His stand-up is great - my stomach hurts from the constant laughing and my eyes are a little sore from the crying. Check him out!

Being in Foggy Bottom was a little strange, though. I'd been back a few times since grad school ended three years ago (three years, Deals! Yikes!), and though it feels familiar there, I never really felt like I belonged. I just couldn't form much allegiance to GWU - my heart will always be elsewhere.

Friday, May 04, 2007

Running My Mouth

What the hell is wrong with me?

Yesterday, I stopped in at Wachovia after lunch to discuss annoying charges to my savings account. APPARENTLY, I signed up for an account that was only free for the first 18 months. After said time period, I would be charged for not maintaining a minimum balance. I only discovered this after receiving a courtesy call (I bet they feel stupid for starting that little service), and I asked about the charges.

Now, I am no Rockefeller. I move money around quite often, especially with the influx of doctor's bills lately (grumble, grrrr... stupid insurance only paying for my glasses and not my contacts. Bite me, Blue Cross), and there is no way that I could ever keep up a minimum balance.

But here's the thing. The financial specialist? SO cute. The level of my inappropriate flirting? SO high.

I met my friend John for lunch, and he waited outside the office while I bitched about fees and whatnot. Financial Guy suggested that I close the savings account (which I did) and open a second checking account - which carries no fees. I'm going to hold off on that.

But most of the conversation involved his new place in Chinatown and my bitching about my job. I went on and on about how I need a new job and how I can't save a penny while living in this town. Seriously. Verbal diarrhea at its best. To top it all off, I dissed John just so it wouldn't be assumed that we were "together."

FG - "You can tell him (gesturing to the waiting area) that we're almost done here."

Me - "No it's okay. There's only so much I can take, anyway," and then proceeded to tell this COMPLETE STRANGER that John and I have lunch just to bitch about our jobs and I had had enough for the day.

I am such an asshole.

I also totally took his card when I left. SLUT.

I got back to my office and realized that maybe he didn't close out my account information right away and maybe he proceeded to take a little gander at my spending. Hell, I would have done the same thing. I hope he was impressed with my spending at CVS, Trader Joe's, and Target.

Holy Jesus. And the visit fee from the doctor the other day. OH GOD. How embarrassing.

Thursday, May 03, 2007

Market Woes

I'm still pretty upset about the fire at Eastern Market, but reading about how quickly the neighborhood responded is wonderful.

Many local businesses have stepped up and this Tuesday (May 8) they will be donating a portion of their profits to The Capitol Hill Community Foundation. They include:

Murky - 10% of the day's sales
Schneider's - 5% of the day's wine sales
Union Pub - 5% of the day's sales
Lounge 201 - 5% of sales from 4 p.m. - 12 a.m.
Pour House, Trusty's, 18th Amendment - 5% of sales from 7-10 p.m.
And others...

Check for updated info and a list of participating businesses. Try to support at least one of them next Tuesday!


Travis has a new album coming out, and here's the first single (thanks for the heads up, K-10!). It's a great video with a fun cameo. I can't stop watching it.

Why I Don't Drive (Much)


...shouldn't be allowed to drive. Actually, I shouldn't be allowed near cars at all. I'm not saying that I'm a bad driver - I've never been in an accident or like, read a book while driving - but I'm nowhere near great.

And yet, I have doctors who have offices in bumfuck Virginia, and I'm sorry, but I am not taking the metro and then a goddamned bus to get to the freaking gynecologist. Just... no.

The best solution is to drive my roommate's car - complete with snow tires - (really) - all the way to Fairfax. Here, now, is where our story begins.

I was born and raised in suburban Detroit -- Downriver, if you will. It was all about the Tigers, the Wings, bad hairstyles, and fast cars (notice I didn't mention the Lions? It's never been "all about" the Lions. Please).

The first cars I remember were Buicks - my mom's Skylark and my dad's Regal. Once, we excitedly piled into the Regal and my dad slowly drove it around the block so we could all watch the odometer roll over to 100,000 miles.


(Then again, that's probably more of a familial quirk than a Michigan quirk.)

Anyway, once I received my learner's permit, I had the choice of two cars with which to scare the hell out of my parents. My mom's Ford Windstar (that my brother nicknamed, "The Pimp Van") or my dad's Chevy Camaro. Which car do you think I chose, and which car do you think I usually ended up with?

While I didn't get to drive the Camaro as often as I would have liked, once I got my license and a cute little Ford Escort, I really learned how to drive. Driving in Michigan was like participating in a perpetual drag race. It's got to be why I-75 exists at all, really. Everyone drives fast and that's just the way it is. Unless you're my grandfather, who drives ten mph under the speed limit as a rule. Lord.

When I moved to Arlington, the drivers immediately pissed me off. They were SO slow, SO unreactionary, and SO utterly ignorant to what was happening around them, that I avoided driving as much as possible. Virginia drivers seemed to be the worst, but maybe that's because I didn't get up to Maryland all that often. My stress level skyrocketed, I heard myself yelling the most horrific things at other drivers, and I started dreading my trips to the grocery store.

When I moved to the Hill, I took the 'Scort back to it's rightful home in Michigan and have no plans to get a car anytime soon. It was a very good decision.

Except for the doctor's appointments, that is. Getting all stressed out is the last thing I want to do before arriving at one of my many doctors' offices, but driving around here brings out the absolute worst in me and I arrived at my Tuesday appointment annoyed, sweaty, and flustered. I could tell you about my journey, but if you drive in DC, Virginia, or Maryland, I'm sure that you've heard it all before: asshat drivers, complete obliviousness, near accidents, and unnecessary traffic jams. Same stuff, different day.

"But why don't you find good doctors in DC, Heather? Wouldn't that solve things?"

Ah, yes, it would. But these doctors were recommended to me and now I love them and cannot live without them. LOVE. Especially Muffi. I heart her.

It really makes me feel for those who have to commute every day. Sucks to be you, guys. Sucks to be you.

Wednesday, May 02, 2007

The Best Show You're Not Watching

Okay. So I've been a little bored at work lately and I've discovered some awesome new sites and blogs. I'm completely humbled by the quality content out there, and it really does push me to be a better writer (not that you're getting any of that here). Above all, however, is my discovery of full episodes of 30 Rock on

This show is brilliant and is quickly becoming must-see for me. I'd be sad that their season just wrapped, but being able to watch them all online is gold. Plus, they were green-lit for a second season.

Tina Fey plays Liz Lemon, the producer of The Girly Show. TGS's star is Jenna Maroney, played by Jane Krakowski, a beautiful but neurotic (aren't they all?) actress. Liz is annoyed when Jack Donaghy (Alec Baldwin) descends from corporate to revitalize her show - something she doesn't think necessary. He hires Tracy Jordan (Tracy Morgan) as the new star of The Girly Show - now TGS Starring Tracy Jordan - even though Tracy is a bit... off.

The jokes are fresh and good, the premise actually works, and the acting is superb. Alec Baldwin steals every scene. Say what you will about his personal life, he is an amazing actor. Jack Donaghy is his part, and even though the rest of the cast is fantastic, the show would be lost without him.

Watch the episodes online and make sure to tune in when it returns in the fall. It's no Arrested Development (what is?), but it's a good substitute.

Tuesday, May 01, 2007


You will all be happy to know that I showered this morning (especially Megan). But I may not ever shower again, after sharing said space with this lovely visitor:

"Oh, hello, I did not see you there! I am three inches long.
You are naked. It is hilarious to me when you shriek!
And that you are naked!
Would you like to have dinner?"

I really don't mind insects. I never have, thanks to a father who refused to kill anything. But this motherfucker surprised the hell out of me, especially when I had yet to put in my contacts. I shrieked (seriously, ask my roommate), slowly turned off the water, pulled a towel around me, and meekly called, "Um, Jen? Could you come in here for a second?"

She was excited to see it, because though she had heard of the size and scope of Southern cockroaches, she had yet to see one. Well, it was her lucky day!

And then, of course, I made her wait to spray it so I could take a picture.

Because I am insane.