Blinders

This cold is evil. It has completely knocked me on my ass. Advil Cold and Sinus is my new boyfriend. He makes me feel light and clears my head. He makes me feel better about myself. He helps me to sleep through the night. He comes in pill form!

The Chili Blowoff party yesterday was fun, but I could have done without a certain revelation. Why is it that I allow myself into this situation time and again? I think that it has something to do with opening my heart. Letting my guard down. Trusting fully.

But.

I just don't see it any other way - I can't imagine being in a relationship and having my blinders up. It would be like going to an art museum wearing sunglasses - you'd miss something. The careful brush strokes, the shadowy figures in the background, the vibrancy of the colors -- they'd be lost. And those little details are what make art go from good to great. It's true in life, in relationships. When you hold yourself back, when you don't open up, when you don't allow yourself to be completely vulnerable -- you're going to miss something.

Sometimes it hurts. Sometimes it really hurts. But when it's good? It's amazing.

I can deal with a little heartbreak if it means that I will someday know the opposite - that I will someday know what it means to be with someone who just wants to hold my hand and love me. Who adores me. Who wants me to be sublimely happy.

That's what I've always wanted for my other. I think that it's about time that I find someone who finally wants it for me.