Friday, December 31, 2010

I Used Too Much Mustard

After making deviled eggs:

BF: "It smells like stank. Can we put them outside?"

Thursday, December 30, 2010

I ALWAYS Forget a Face. Apparently.

I really don't check The Facebook all that often, but I've been getting more frequent updates and messages, which sends an email to my gmail, which sometimes prompts me to follow those links to see exactly what people are talking about. Sometimes.

So here's the thing - The Facebook gives me friendly "reminders" telling me that I probably have more friends! I should spend more time on this life-sucking website!

"Hey loser! You need more friends! You know, people that you might have spoken to at a party or because they are friends with your coworker. Click NOW! CLICKITY CLICK CLICKY!"

The Facebook has decided that there are hundreds of people that I "might" know just because my acquaintances are "friends" with these randoms. And at first, I didn't think that I recognized anyone, but when I started to actually pay attention to the names as I quickly clicked through, names started to ring bells. Well, only a few bells.

The problem I started having, however, was placing the names. I knew the name, but couldn't remember how I knew the name. Was she from high school or college? Was he from college or grad school? Was this someone I met in DC, or once I returned to Michigan?

Then I just closed my laptop and resumed watching Candice Olson on HGTV because she is THE AWESOME.

I thought that I was supposed to become wise in my old age. All I've got is forgetfulness and creaky knees and I love to watch home improvement/decorating shows. What the hell, LIFE?

Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Mandatory Vacation

Oh my God, I am such a waste of space.

So I have the week off (paid - which is nice), due to the University's desire to keep us off of campus, but I have nothing to do. I have four books from the library to read, and four more that I received for Christmas, but once I finished reading the first, I haven't had much desire to move along.

So on Tuesday night/Wednesday morning, I stayed up until 3 a.m. watching the first season of The Vampire Diaries (which is totally kick-ass and not at all like Twilight but still embarrassing enough that I ). I finally went to bed, and set my alarm for a modest 9 a.m. so that I wouldn't sleep the day away.

I recall hitting snooze a few times, but after that, I must have turned it off completely. When I finally crawled out of bed, it was 1 p.m.

Me: "Nicely done, ass. You've wasted hours of a vacation day."
Heather's Body: "What are you TALKING about? That was brilliant!"
Me: "But I have SO much to do today! Like... um..."
Heather's Body: "EXACTLY.

I love to sleep. It's deeply satisfying. And when I normally have to be at work at 7:45 in the morning on a weekday, there is something liberating about ignoring the alarm clock -- or not setting it at all.

There were a few days last week that I found myself awake and out of bed before noon. And by "few," I mean, "one." And I went to Biggby for coffee. And that's it. Before I knew it, I was back home, out of my bra, and on the couch, which -- is kind of like the bed. I say this because I definitely snoozed a bit.

I am DREADING going back to work on the 3rd. Dreading.

Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Starchy Goodness

A great side for breakfast, lunch, or dinner, these potatoes are crispy, delicious, and super easy to make.

3-pound bag small redskin potatoes, cut into 1-inch pieces
1 medium red onion, chopped
2 tablespoons chopped fresh rosemary leaves
4 cloves garlic, finely chopped
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon pepper
1/4 cup olive oil

-Heat oven to 375 degrees F.

-Toss all ingredients together in a large bowl and gently pour onto a large baking sheet.

-Roast for 40 minutes, stirring/flipping potatoes occasionally. Serve warm.

Recipe from The Betty Crocker Cookbook

Thursday, December 23, 2010

Sammy the Sauropod Finds a New Home

Bowl games have started, and the animals in the house were very, very excited.

And we have a new dinosaur! Sammy the Sauropod. Mike spied him at the museum a few weeks ago and rescued him.

Stayed tuned for more on Sammy...

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Mirror Image

I think that they are trying to communicate. I think that they are plotting.

Such is the way of the Focus.

Monday, December 20, 2010

Mr. Major Accomplishment

Today, Mike took the last exam he will ever have to take. He has been working toward this point for over three years, all while working a demanding, full-time job, and now he can officially put 'MBA' after his name.

He won't, though, because he thinks that it would be "pretentious."

Either way, I am so, so, SO proud of him. Congratulations, my honey!

Mr. MBA, Esquire
(See, that's not pretentious at all!)

Sunday, December 19, 2010

Silly Monkey

I have known my darling Emily since we were eight years old. Well, she's having a BABY, and I bought this for her because WHY WOULD I NOT? OMG LOOK AT IT:

She revealed that night that she was having a boy. I AM AWESOME.

Not that a girl couldn't wear that. I totally would have worn that. I'm just saying.

Friday, December 17, 2010

What Is Wrong With My Subconscious?

I usually don't remember my dreams. I really think that it's a good thing considering the one that I had last night - that I actually do remember. Unfortunately.

I dreamt that my job was to collect valuable cow urine.


Why was it valuable? How was it collected? Where did I trade it in? Was it currency?

So, this makes me pretty messed up, right? Cow pee? What the fuck?

Now it makes me want to know what other disturbing things I dream about.

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

I Just Realized that I Don't Have a Star for My Tree

"You were supposed to get a good tree.
Can't you even tell a good tree from a poor tree?"

I put my tree up at Mike's again this year, since I spend half my time (or more) there anyway. There's something both therapeutic and deeply irritating about putting up the Christmas tree. For me, it's putting the fucking thing together. Decorating is fun, but splaying the fake branches is pretty much the worst.

Even though my tree is a cheap-ass thing that my former roommate purchased in a Virginia Walmart (oh, the horror) for $12, it's over five years old and only barely falling apart. It only needs two strands of lights - any more and I think that it might be a fire hazard. It was made in China, after all, which leaves my hands so dirty at the conclusion that I'm forced to wash my hands several times before touching anything else.

But I've learned several things from this tree when setting it up over the years:

1. Drink lots of beer

Okay, so I learned one thing. But still, it's a good point. Beer helps. Merry Christmas!

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

I Got Lost in Target Yesterday, and I Was Rewarded Heartily

I like it when people are as twisted (or juvenile) as me.


Monday, December 13, 2010

San Dimas High School Football Rules!

The Matrix was released during my freshman year of college, and I remember some people being BLOWN AWAY by it. I remember enjoying it at the time, though the premise was something I picked up in my high school philosophy class.

I neglected to see the second and third installments.

Mike and I watched it this weekend, and... I don't think that it's aged well. The first movie was fine, I guess, though it had been a while since I had experienced the "acting" of Keanu Reeves.

Bu then, The Matrix Reloaded started. Oh my God.

Needless to say, it was completely retarded and we chose a blank screen over it.


Sunday, December 12, 2010

Epic Girls' Weekend of Epicness

Well this post is a long time coming - my girls visited over Halloween weekend, and I'm just now getting to it.

For shame, I know.

We all interned together at the National Museum of American History in the fall of 2003 and this was our long-awaited reunion. Betsy arrived first, with colleagues, as she was attending a conference at the University - the main reason we chose this weekend for our frienaissance.

My plan was to take a surprise arrival picture of each friend, but Betsy flew in while I was still at work, and when Laurel arrived, the cops were barely letting cars come to a complete stop in order to pick people up, so the only one I really got was Merrick:

So very excited.

We stayed up late, eating junk and drinking wine, and bringing each other up to date on our lives. Since we all met in 2003, I moved back to Michigan, Merrick got married, Betsy moved to New York and then back to California, and Laurel bought an amazing house in the Eastern Market area of DC.

Betsy was stuck at her stupid conference all day Friday, so the three of us headed to the Exhibit Museum to see dinosaurs.

After a whirlwind morning, we came back to my house to relax, and Merrick promptly fell asleep on the couch.

After resting (though not as much as Merrick), we started the evening off at Melange, where we enjoyed their happy hour. We all have vastly different tastes, as evidenced below:

Then it was off to Conor O'Neill's to eat the best dessert in town (strawberry rhubarb crumble) and await Betsy's arrival. There she is!

Then it was off to the new martini bar in town, Black Pearl.

Laurel and Betsy (former roommates):

Heather and Merrick (crazy people):

Saturday started off with breakfast at Afternoon Delight (it was delightful) before shopping around at the farmer's market. We somehow ended up sitting on my porch, drinking wine.

Betsy was finally free from the conference in the early evening. We picked her up and immediately went to dinner.

This happened after margaritas, in case you were wondering:

And no trip to Ann Arbor is complete without seeing a real, live hipster. This one was wearing a sailor's cap. You know, as you do.

It was a banner weekend, and we had a great time together. We're trying to decide where our next reunion will be: southern California or DC...?

Saturday, December 11, 2010

Hypochondriac or Just Old?

At work the other day, I was absolutely convinced that I was dying. I reached for something benign and pulled a muscle, and I could have sworn that I saw the grim reaper out of the corner of my eye. And it wasn't like I was trying to pick up a fifty pound box of pen caps (Cooter Burger!), or pull a hand cart of boxes. I was reaching for a folder or something.

A few minutes later, I was pretty sure that I wasn't dying, but was still convinced that I was going to be horribly inconvenienced for the rest of my life.

I don't know what it is, but since I turned thirty, my body has become my enemy. I've started to gain weight, it sometimes hurts to go up and down stairs, and tiny little movements can result in the most horrible pain I can imagine.

I am NOT looking forward to 31. God.

Friday, December 10, 2010


Sometime during the summer of 2010, I applied to be a staff mentor for incoming freshmen to the University. New students would be placed with a peer mentor and a staff mentor... me. The program would run throughout the fall semester and end with a huge party in December.

I had no idea how quickly those four months would disappear!

I knew that my group was special from the very beginning. We all met for coffee after the first day of classes, and we clicked immediately. They were all excited for college - and a little nervous, of course - and happy to have a pre-set group of acquaintances. They were from Alaska, Florida, and Michigan, giving us an awesome mix.

The first thing that I planned was dinner at my house. It was just a week or two after the start of classes, and I picked them up from campus to head to the west side of the city. We spent a few hours eating, telling stories, and talking about their first few weeks of college. It was so cool for me to be able to give tips on where to grab a quick lunch or share my secret study spot.

I had so much planned for us to do during the fall semester.

Our first trip was to the apple orchard. Two of my mentees had never even heard of the Midwestern tradition of "Going to the Apple Orchard," and once I discovered that, the trip was all but planned.

It was a gorgeous day and a total success!

The Mentorship Program sponsored a Pizza-Tasting Party about halfway through the semester, and we got to try - and rate - pizza from all over Ann Arbor.

My mentees in front of a few pizza boxes.

The next event I planned was very important to me. I wanted to take them to Detroit and show them the good things about the city - the things that the media tends to forget. We went to the Detroit Institute of Arts first. I grew up going to the DIA, and I wanted to show them the greatest hits of the place, if you will.

In front of one of the Diego Rivera frescoes, Detroit Industry.

We were then off for a driving tour of the city with my dad. He met us at the museum and we all piled in his car to see the famous architecture and charm of the city.

At the "Spirit of Detroit."

In Hart Plaza.

The Mentorship Program provided up to $80 to each group, and we definitely made sure to use it! We had a whirlwind evening, just before the last day of classes. First, I took them to Prickly Pear, my absolute favorite restaurant in town. It was important to me that we hit up a place they would probably never visit because of its distance from campus and the prices of the entrees.

That was one damn good virgin margarita.

From there, we went to Just Baked, a cupcake boutique located a few miles from campus. Those things were decadent, trust me.

And to top off the semester, the Program hosted Winterfest with great food, raffles, prizes, and awards.

Y'all... I was named Mentor of the Year! Can you even believe it?

I am so glad that I participated in this program. I learned so much from my mentees, and it was a truly wonderful experience. I can't wait for next September!

Thursday, December 09, 2010

Better Than Last Year

Guess who scored reservations with an IRON CHEF for dinner on New Year's Eve?


Okay, well the IRON CHEF won't be there, but it is one of his restaurants. It's called Roast, and it sounds awesome, and wine list is intense, and I am SO EXCITED.

Last year, Mike and I were both sick and went to bed at 10:30. This year, we will be partying it up with my brother and sister-in-law. Yay!

Wednesday, December 08, 2010

This is What I Did at Work Today!

Marv, Al, and Sid are grateful that no one will mix up their names anymore.

Friday, December 03, 2010

Louisiana. Why Would Anyone Live There?

Oh, you guys. Oh my. OH MY AWESOME.

I think that I have discovered the best show ever to be on television, and possibly the best show that will ever BE on television.

Billy the Exterminator. It's amazing. Billy and his family members run a pest control business in Louisiana, and they take care of all manner of critters from gators and snakes to foxes and armadillos.

Armadillos, you guys!

This is Billy.

He has many studded shirts. We wears a cowboy hat with spikes on it. You know, as you do.

Oh, and he wears biker boots with spikes on the toes.

Also, they spend an inordinate amount of time pointing out the location of anuses on snakes. Seriously.

This is one of the most entertaining reality shows that I have ever seen. My favorite parts of each episode are when Billy interacts with his clients. Perfection. If this show is trying to dispel Southern stereotypes... well, it's not succeeding.

DVR this masterpiece. You will not be disappointed.

Thursday, December 02, 2010


So it's in the girls' section. So what? I figure that if I get an XXL, it'll fit without being inappropriately tight. Right?

Donut you think so?

Wednesday, December 01, 2010

Snow, Snow, Glorious Snow!

As if right on cue, the calendar flipped to December, and the snow began to fall.

I love the first snowfall of the year. It's small and white, clean and bright.

Also, edelweiss.

This snowfall was a little... lacking. A little lame, really.

Of course, this didn't stop everyone in the area from freaking the fuck out and driving like complete and utter idiots.

Look, I KNOW that it's snowing. I KNOW. But the snow isn't sticking. The roads aren't icy. You need to go faster than 25 mph when the speed limit is 45.