Saturday, June 30, 2012

The Most Welcoming of Parking Lots

So I went to lady parts doctor.  It's not necessarily an appointment that I look forward to, but at least they know how to welcome their patients:

Pink lines in the parking lot, you guys!  Welcome to your lady parts appointment... NOT FOR BOYS WITH COOTIES!

Saturday, June 23, 2012

Suddenly, I Feel Less Safe

Great.  Not only do we have the rare opportunity to live next to complete idiots who insist on feeding the blood-thirsty raccoons, we now have a rape van parked just yards away from our front door.

Hey kids!  Free candy!

Monday, June 18, 2012

We Went to Seattle!

Mike and I went to Seattle, you guys!

His sister and her husband moved there um, a few years ago (?) and his parents moved there in 2010.  Or something like that.  I'm not so good with the dates.  Anyway, as of early May, Mike became an uncle again when his fourth nephew was born.

So we headed out there in early June and I am just getting to this now. I don't know if you've noticed, but lately? I have been a bit of a slacker on this here blog thing.

It started off with a bang - chilling in the Delta Sky Lounge.

Mr. Happy Dinosaur gets himself some water and hob-nobs with the elite.

The plane was a new and fun experience as well:
He said that he could see the mountains, but we were only over Ohio at that point.
And as there is absolutely nothing of value in Ohio, so we shut the shade.

Mike's parents met us at the airport and we immediately drove to his sister's to meet the three youngest boys.

The next morning, we journeyed to Snoqualmie Falls, famous for its role in Twin Peaks. We may have found a new animal friend there, but that's a story for another day.  

"The owls are not what they seem."

(Speaking of Twin Peaks , Mike finally agreed to watch the first episode, and was not impressed. "It's just a bunch of people crying about the girl dying. This is not entertaining."  And then he proceeded to read the show's entire synopsis on wikipedia and remained unimpressed.  "Hrmph," he said. "Hrmph," I said.)

Later that day, the whole gang headed to Safeco Field to watch the matchup of the Seattle Mariners and the LA Dodgers.  The Mariners?  Got shellacked: 8-2.

But it was still fun!  If it has been Tigers, I may have been more involved in the game, but they were busy in Cincinnati.  Besides, at Safeco Field, there were garlic fries.  Can we just take a moment to talk about the garlic fries?

OH. You guys, these fries were magical.  Fries tossed with chopped garlic and parsley (and probably clarified butter and grade-A crack for all I know).  I think that we all had garlic coming out of our pores.  WORTH IT. 

Mr. Happy Dinosaur was much more interested in the pace of play.

But the best part was watching Mike bond with his nephews.  It was awesome. 

 Oh, and remember that I mentioned a BABY?  Yeah.  Little Luke turned one month when we were there. 

He got the hiccups soon after this. Which was adorable.

And we eventually got ourselves to Pike Place Market, famous for the throwing of big fish.  But only if someone buys one, apparently.  Hence, we saw no flying fish.  But we did walk to the very first Starbucks, specifically so that I could take this picture:

P.S. I hate Starbucks.
P.P.S. We did not go inside.  

Chris and I wait for the shenanigans to end. Boys. Sigh.

It was a great trip, and I am so glad that we were able to make it out there.  I had never been to Seattle, and it was such an awesome experience.  Thanks for having us, Washington!

Thursday, June 14, 2012

Teddy Climbed a Tree

I don't know why I was surprised.  He is a bear, after all.  

He said that he wanted to do more "bear-like" things, so he up and climbed a tree.  Good for him, I say. Good for him.

But now he won't come down.

Friday, June 08, 2012

These Effing Raccoons, I'm Telling You

So basically, these little fuckers are not scared of people.  Not scared at all.

This was fun.  He was directly at my feet. I did not use the zoom on the camera.  He is absolutely unafraid of humans. Which is how he will plan a massive takeover.  With the help of neighborhood cats, of course.  Those fuckers clearly hate the world.

 Oh, and this!  This is when my neighbors threw hamburger buns to him.  Directly into his greedy little, creepily human-like, paws.

My neighbors suck, you guys.

Sunday, June 03, 2012

Blow Me, Halls Cough Drops

The last thing that I need is annoying pep talk when I am sick.  I want hot tea, lots of blankets, and The Price is Right.  

I do NOT want my cough drops trying to alter my attitude.

Blow me, cough drops.

Friday, June 01, 2012

Things I Must Come to Terms With

I sometimes live in my own little Heather world.  It's nice.  There are no other drivers but me, expensive fancy coffees are free, and my office is always warm and comfortable.  It's pretty awesome, you guys.

But there are other drivers on the road and they are the worst and I hate them all.  My fancy mochas are not free.  In fact, after tracking my expenditures for over a year, there was a month that I spent more money on coffee than on GAS FOR MY CAR.  That. Is. Ridiculous.

Also, never tell my father about that, okay?

Also, I will never be warm at work.  Never.  In the winter, I'm freezing.  In the summer, the air conditioning is dropped to what feels like arctic levels, and I have two blankets and several cardigans on hand, and I'm freezing.  Also, there are space heaters.

So here are the things that I need to deal with:

1. I am far - FAR - from the only person to idolize Audrey Hepburn.  I have to accept this. For a long time, I considered myself to be her biggest fan.  Turns out, that's like saying, "I am the biggest fan of kitten and puppy videos on the internet!"  She was a pretty awesome woman, and she used her celebrity for GOOD. I LOVE HER.

2. I am probably never going to have a pet cat. But that's okay!  It's okay, you guys.  I am mildly allergic, but being in a one mile radius with a cat could kill Mike.  KILL HIM.  He's that allergic.  So I've made my peace.  I mean, I've heard that they're just a bunch of dickfores who are secretly plotting to kill their owners.

3. I am never going to be able to be happy 24-7.  I look to my friend Merrick for inspiration because she always sees the best in people, always assumes the best instead of the worst, and loves people unconditionally.  She once said, "I just love people!" and that was referencing living and working in DC, so I  remember thinking, "Wow. I... I might not be a good enough person to be friends with her."  But I know now that she is just an unbreakable mold of good.  I also know that I am generally a good person and I do love and respect people.  I do try and see the best qualities in a person.  But it's difficult, and I try, but I know that I'm never going to be as sunshiny as I want to be.

4. I will probably never own a new car.  It's just not worth the investment, as I am now on record as a car destroyer.  I am just terrible with my poor baby Focus.  The driver's side mirror is on its third incarnation, there's a lovely scrape down the driver's side thanks to an errant pillar in the parking garage, and it smells musty inside because there was apparently standing water in the trunk that rusted the jack and the spare together.  Anyway, new cars are overrated. They lose their value as soon as you drive them off of the lot, right?  Right?

5. On the same track, I will probably never remember to get an oil change on time.  That's all.

What have you come to terms with in your wise old age?