Wednesday, January 30, 2013

He Didn't Even Have to Say Anything This Time


Mike left earlier in the day for [insert Midwestern state here], and I found this on the table when I got home from work.   

It now lives in my wallet so that I can see it every day.

Saturday, January 26, 2013

You're Jealous

I know that you're jealous.  I know that you are.  You don't have this, and you are jealous.

I am going to use it ALL OF THE TIMES.  All of the times that I am shopping.

Friday, January 25, 2013


Well if this doesn't explain my life in a nutshell (hee!), I don't know what does.

Fucking squirrels, you guys.

(Thanks, Deals!)

Sunday, January 20, 2013

Technology is Cyclical

Ah, I love Dennis Duffy, the Beeper King.

Actually, I believe that fashion is cyclical.  I mean, I was wearing my mom's old 60s clothes in high school, and I looked incredible (I'm so modest).  Thanks to Clueless, short skirts were no longer frowned upon.  Well, they were, but we wore them anyway.

Unfortunately, things I (regrettably) wore in the early 90s seem to be back "in fashion" now.  Thanks to sidebar advertisements on websites that I frequent, I can offer you a horribly chilling example:

Oh sweet Jesus, what the hell is this?  I, too, wore leotards with jeans, which is what I am assuming that this is, but I swear to God I didn't look like this.  First of all, I was in eighth grade, and the rate of the development of my chestral area was damn near glacial.  

Also, I certainly didn't need the support, but those jeans could *almost* serve as her bra.  LOOK HOW HIGH THEY ARE, YOU GUYS.  Is this sexy?  She looks absolutely ridiculous.  I'd kill for her body, but still.  She looks ridiculous, and appears much bigger than she actually is.

Why is it that we are forced to relive such horrible decades of fashion?  I just don't see how designers get away with it!  Do they really want everyone wearing leggings as pants?  Do they not realize that most people should not wear leggings at all, let alone AS THE ONLY THING COVERING THEIR ASSES?  

Of course, this is coming from the girl who's favorite eighth grade outfit was a flowery dress that gathered in the back with a clip, white socks, and the Payless version of Doc Martens. So... 

Thursday, January 17, 2013

Can We Just Talk About This?

I think that this dinner is probably more acceptable when one has children.  I do not have children, yet it was beyond acceptable for me.  IT WAS SO GOOD, YOU GUYS.

That is Kraft Mac & Cheese and a turkey dog.  Remembering it now, I could cry. It was THAT GOOD.

Every so often I find that I am regressing to my ten year-old self.  My brother and I were super picky and hated most everything, and my mom wasn't a bad mom for feeding us macaroni and cheese - we literally would eat NOTHING ELSE.  The poor woman.

I bought frozen fish sticks the other day, too.  Cringe if you must, but they were amazing and they tasted like childhood - you know, once my mom and dad forced us to branch out a bit.  I even warmed up some canned peas to go with them so that it would be a complete trip down memory lane.  

Of course, it wasn't all frozen food and artificial cheese - my mom's spaghetti sauce is beyond incredible, and we actually ate it!  See also, dad's meatloaf.

I also love taking a trip down college memory lane and making myself a big bowl of ramen.  I see nothing wrong with this.  Just because it doesn't really digest that well means NOTHING.

Lastly, Kraft Mac & Cheese is WAY better than Velveeta Mac & Cheese.  DISCUSS.

Saturday, January 12, 2013

I Have Created Awesomeness

When we were in Seattle visiting Mike's family, there was a bag of awesomeness at his sister's house.  It was from Costco, and it was one of the best things that I have ever eaten. And I ate a LOT of it:
Because I do not have a membership to Costco, and because I don't know anyone around here that does, I was forced to take matters into my own hands.  The results were quite nice, you guys! (The stuff from Costco is better, but this one is close.)  Here is what happened!

One part:

One part: 

Mix together, and:

Thursday, January 10, 2013

I Will Never Forget the Date, That's For Damn Sure

This is a bit excessive, no?


Well, technically one is Mike's (Fact or Crap), but I'm the one to rip off each page, so I have claimed them all.

My aunt gave me "A Book Lover's Calendar," and it is really awesome.  I've already discovered a ton of books that I want to read, which is great except that my "to read" list is currently at 58 books.  Fifty. Eight.

"Fact or Crap" was from Mike's mom - it's really entertaining, and I have learned that Alexander Graham Bell, the inventor of the telephone, never called his mother because she was deaf.  Anecdotes!

The "Mensa: 365 Brain Puzzlers" calendar was a gift from Mike.  It's pretty hardcore, but it's nice to use my brain.  Lately I feel like it's shrinking...

The "SomeEcards" calendar is mine.  MINE.  It's from Mike's mom, and does she know me or what?  I LOVE IT.  I love it because snark is one of the best things in the world.

Finally, and it's a bit of an inside joke, Kari got me the "Pest Control Tips" calendar due to my raccoon problem.  It's actually interesting learning about all of the bugs and critters that are TOTALLY ALREADY IN YOUR HOUSE and laying dormant until you do something stupid like forget to change the water in your bamboo vase.  THANKS SO MUCH, KARI.

Wednesday, January 09, 2013

Saturday, January 05, 2013

Meatloaf, meatloaf. Double beatloaf. I hate meatloaf.

I know that meatloaf isn't everyone's idea of a good time (Mike: "Call it anything else, and I'll try it."), but I grew up with it and I love it.  My dad was the one to make it in our house - and his version is incredible - but there is no recipe, because he does everything by eye.  A little of this, a little of that... a little more of that.  But his secret (not so secret) ingredient is corn flakes instead of bread or breadcrumbs.   

--FYI, the more I look at the word "meatloaf," the less it looks like a word.

I'm pretty sure that my dad's version was 100% beef, but I was at the good grocery store the other day buying kielbasa because I'm Polish, and I don't think that I need a reason for buying kielbasa, and I noticed the "Meatloaf Mix" on display.  Half beef and half pork, it's the traditional mixture for meatloaf, and I thought that it was worth a try.

I followed my dad's example by adding whatever the hell I wanted, and in whatever amounts I wanted.  I didn't have cornflakes, but I did have Special K, so I used that.  It's a little sweeter than cornflakes, but I figured that it wouldn't be too noticeable.

Anyway, here are the leftovers.  How gross does it look?  I'm thinking... pretty gross.  But it was DELICIOUS.

But to be honest?  Mike has a point.  The more I say, "meatloaf," the more disgusting it sounds.  

Heather's Off-the-Cuff Meatloaf

preheat oven to 350 degrees
spray loaf pan with cooking spray

1.5 pounds ground beef or "meatloaf mix"
1 medium onion, chopped finely
1 egg
1 cup cornflakes, lightly crushed  (panko breadcrumbs work well here, too)
ketchup - to taste (the more you add, the sweeter it gets)
mustard - to taste
2 tablespoons worchester sauce (or more - I love this shit)
seasoning mix (I use this one)

Mix all ingredients in a large bowl.  It's easiest to just use your hands, which is SO GROSS, but they really are your best kitchen tool.  Shape into loaf form and place in the loaf pan.

Cook in oven for at least 1 hour, or until the internal temperature is 160 degrees.

Friday, January 04, 2013

So This is Still Happening

David St. Hubbins: I do not, for one, think that the problem was that the band was down. I think that the problem may have been, that there was a Stonehenge monument on the stage that was in danger of being crushed by a dwarf. Alright? That tended to understate the hugeness of the object. 
Ian Faith: I really think you're just making much too big a thing out of it. 
Derek Smalls: Making a big thing out of it would have been a good idea.

The presents have been opened, however.

Tuesday, January 01, 2013

2012 Round-Up!

Things happened during the last two months of 2012, I swear, but you wouldn't know it from this blog now, would you?


One day in November, I saw this fat squirrel on the steps of my building, so that was awesome.  

She... might have been pregnant.

I went to visit my lovely Emily and meet the beautiful Katy baby.  Of course, Brian was there to ham it up for the camera:

And I went to see the new baby, but I have no pictures of said baby, so I stole one from Emily's facebook page.

Emily has two ginger babies.  Hee!

Thanksgiving happened, and I hosted it.  It was a lovely affair, and there was no vag-bird this year, so we kept things PG.  Which was good as my three nieces and my cousin's two boys would probably have been traumatized for life.  And when they finally had a breakthrough in their therapy sessions years later, they would come to the realization that their Aunt Heather was to blame for the fact that they have never had fulfilling relationships.

You know, probably.

So there were a lot of people in the condo, and it was very, very loud and my Papa turned off his hearing aids in revolt and also to preserve his sanity.  Also I had some beers.

But there were some amazing things.  I tried a few new recipes - well, only after promising my mother and brother that I would not fuck with the turkey or stuffing recipes - and they were very well received.  Especially the Spiced Apple Cupcakes with Salted Caramel Frosting.  HOLY JESUS, those cupcakes were amazing.

And then there were leftovers, which is one of the best parts of Thanksgiving:

So, yes. Thanksgiving happened.

THEN, there was Christmas, which was ALSO a lovely affair.  

I didn't put up the tree until like, the 20th of December or something. And it was definitely in danger of being crushed by a dwarf:

Seriously, it is only 48 inches tall.

I got Mike a freaking awesome present, but it will make absolutely no sense to you if you don't watch The League:

Mr. McGibblets

I made many cookies for work people and for family people, and these teddy gingerbread cookies were far too adorable to leave unphotographed:

I highly recommend the recipe.

New Year's Eve was also a crazy affair.  I drank this ridiculously expensive champagne from Morgan and York:

While playing this:

We stayed up past midnight this year, which was definitely an improvement from last year when we fell asleep at 10.

And now it is the first of the year, and I have made zero resolutions.  And that's probably the way that it's going to stay.  And I'm fine with that.