tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-101320722024-03-07T01:09:22.250-05:00The DonutIt's all about a little Donut making her way through the world.
And being snarky.Heatherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13507584416389687297noreply@blogger.comBlogger1496125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10132072.post-62877739761098243242017-06-01T11:24:00.001-04:002017-06-01T11:25:39.331-04:00Apparently I'm Not 22 Anymore<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Going through my drafts, I found this one from 2015, which just shows you how far behind I am in the whole, "recording my thoughts" phase of my life. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">I had heard for years that one's metabolism would eventually decrease, but never really wanted to believe that it would happen to me.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Oh, but it did! Apparently I now have to "watch what I eat" and "not eat pretzels and a can of frosting for dinner." Who knew?</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Then came the great ankle-destruction of 2013, and I've been having trouble getting back into a shape that doesn't make me feel like this:</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgxkLu32Dxe7DLULfkcF6XUzTPGC0nU_cW03Ct2TmZTXfwMyuYfw_RWpbl2D60AH4CBb8IEHmwP1IrDRYmHduAr-1kqxYgxk0wvLPH4xpLF-qsRRBMYoKLOVeT0aHXyE006wbvvig/s1600/blobbity+blobberton.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgxkLu32Dxe7DLULfkcF6XUzTPGC0nU_cW03Ct2TmZTXfwMyuYfw_RWpbl2D60AH4CBb8IEHmwP1IrDRYmHduAr-1kqxYgxk0wvLPH4xpLF-qsRRBMYoKLOVeT0aHXyE006wbvvig/s1600/blobbity+blobberton.jpg" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Larry, Mike's dude-bro, was in town this weekend, and his presence led to the UNHEALTHIEST weekend of caloric intake that I think I've ever had. It was fairly intense:</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Friday dinner: Chipotle</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Saturday breakfast: Coney Island</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Saturday lunch: Taco Bell</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Saturday dinner: ALCOHOL</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Sunday breakfast: McDonald's</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Sunday lunch/dinner: Hungry Howie's</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Sunday's meals were really just cures for the ridiculous hangover I drank myself into, and since I do that kind of drinking fewer than four times a year, I felt somewhat justified in eating nothing but grease.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">And now, though I always knew it, I fully realize that I am no longer a college student with the ability to magically stuff everything under the sun down my gullet. Also, I think that I truly know the meaning of the term <i>hangover</i>. </span></div>
Heatherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13507584416389687297noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10132072.post-23710441280553357932015-03-01T16:54:00.000-05:002015-03-10T11:22:57.989-04:00Dump Cakes?<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I don't know what that is, and I don't care to find out. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">-Lucille Bluth</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgC0pRA2AOI5lL4PUY0kADUdSzoJA77wLDAepjH7iL2OpvqnEKeISaPAaXI-r50eBzGVrt_qKFfWT-exEwx8ThtKvLhp84RXvweh-Aug6MNBsAWGO41FRXjAyfefMgEvZJ7CtLg9A/s1600/1115141034.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgC0pRA2AOI5lL4PUY0kADUdSzoJA77wLDAepjH7iL2OpvqnEKeISaPAaXI-r50eBzGVrt_qKFfWT-exEwx8ThtKvLhp84RXvweh-Aug6MNBsAWGO41FRXjAyfefMgEvZJ7CtLg9A/s1600/1115141034.jpg" height="640" width="360" /></a></div>
<br />Heatherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13507584416389687297noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10132072.post-59478069074011983652015-02-10T16:02:00.000-05:002015-02-19T16:03:17.802-05:00Judgmental Cars<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I suppose that it was fitting that my little baby Focus would flip to 100,000 miles on the same day that I traded her in for a younger, prettier model. Basically, I am a rich dude having a mid-life crisis.</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgS_7NBXQmkAD0Cs-JwSXR7BYzs_rY8YD2Ncc_SSrn0RbhyphenhyphensZNuU2dDpdQ7J4xT5fRpBQik72IuBl4HAjohk41reDQBMKwY6MN_rZv-saybCmaK8GXce_eSHi_x4ByLR1VBA4pVOg/s1600/0203150744a.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgS_7NBXQmkAD0Cs-JwSXR7BYzs_rY8YD2Ncc_SSrn0RbhyphenhyphensZNuU2dDpdQ7J4xT5fRpBQik72IuBl4HAjohk41reDQBMKwY6MN_rZv-saybCmaK8GXce_eSHi_x4ByLR1VBA4pVOg/s1600/0203150744a.jpg" height="180" width="320" /></span></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Yes, I was driving when I took the picture. What, did you think that I would do the responsible thing and pull over? 100,001 is not the same as 100,000. IT'S JUST NOT.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">(Also, like I could <i>ever </i>get that car to 140 mph. It would have blown the fuck up at 110.)</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">So here's the new (used) car! It's... another Focus. But it's shiny! And has leather interior and a connection for my iPod! Tori Amos whenever I want. THAT'S THE DREAM.</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjIqLTXdhBOa4f2NU7_-wuvvJCuj_Dh4nhLkPlcqoEbql02jJAxXR5-v3pHq8kRLRLZK5ERW3zTRGcYQABydgyMcEK5JOfqVVV2tuvp-59A_Zujlol6rlkpvAHEkJPx7LrOJOvSEg/s1600/0203151753.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjIqLTXdhBOa4f2NU7_-wuvvJCuj_Dh4nhLkPlcqoEbql02jJAxXR5-v3pHq8kRLRLZK5ERW3zTRGcYQABydgyMcEK5JOfqVVV2tuvp-59A_Zujlol6rlkpvAHEkJPx7LrOJOvSEg/s1600/0203151753.jpg" height="320" width="180" /></span></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Maybe someday there will be a time without snow...</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I LOVE this car. A 2011, it handles SO much better than the 2007. I don't think that I'll ever have a large car, just because I am so used to zipping around and parking pretty much anywhere. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">However.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">This is the most judgmental car in the FUCKING WORLD. It has some pre-sets that are really getting my my nerves. For example, when I took it on the expressway for the first time, I heard a dinging. I looked down to see:</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj2ACwojHGa09oOmAMrwtKnxcIaYQ-6sY620Q_5K8bCEvHQ4kDCUuh1A77-BHFS5w67nFGxGAzfE74rj7TYOnlg2crfQd-nBIpjxBYSSLNqWobKBkIkNldXOZ5Fgvzb0ybl4VNhDQ/s1600/0207150033a.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj2ACwojHGa09oOmAMrwtKnxcIaYQ-6sY620Q_5K8bCEvHQ4kDCUuh1A77-BHFS5w67nFGxGAzfE74rj7TYOnlg2crfQd-nBIpjxBYSSLNqWobKBkIkNldXOZ5Fgvzb0ybl4VNhDQ/s1600/0207150033a.jpg" height="180" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">I was on the expressway. The expressway that has a speed limit of 70 mph. Which I was going.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">(Also, Kari thinks that my dashboard looks like it's in Top Gun. I think that it's the colors...)</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">But the condescending judgmentalism gets better!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">I think that the "speed limit" is an adorable suggestion, and most people in Michigan would agree. I usually drive somewhere closer to 80 mph because... I have places to be! If my car can get me there faster, I am going to drive faster. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Now, you're probably thinking, "Jeez damn, I'm sure glad I don't live in Michigan with a menace like her on the road." And you would probably be correct in your assessment. I mean, I took these pictures with my phone while driving.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Anyway, I had to pass some dipshit, and I hear the dinging again:</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiFdxBiAVtIY5Muf7tAY6fy49v-zbtOHai5kijCmX7_R_Q1UAD7mpMLv9OxKDAx6MDxyYYvOSivCH-fFCT8BUN7sbJy0CyAtLXAbJfKJgG2JP3ZiAs4CsYttWTS8w2JWkmYlxoTZA/s1600/0207150033b.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiFdxBiAVtIY5Muf7tAY6fy49v-zbtOHai5kijCmX7_R_Q1UAD7mpMLv9OxKDAx6MDxyYYvOSivCH-fFCT8BUN7sbJy0CyAtLXAbJfKJgG2JP3ZiAs4CsYttWTS8w2JWkmYlxoTZA/s1600/0207150033b.jpg" height="180" width="320" /></span></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">What? I wasn't even to 80 mph! Top speed my ass!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Does anyone know how to break into the car's computer? Is that even a thing?</span>Heatherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13507584416389687297noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10132072.post-78064689276584882812015-01-15T11:31:00.000-05:002015-02-10T16:15:30.653-05:00Eleven<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Holy shitsnacks, it's 2015!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Yes, I am fully aware that I completely dropped the ball on this blog for the last half of last year, but I don't care! I got a new job and I suddenly CARED about what I was doing and didn't have time to be witty and clever!</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiMawQPBFSP-QBwSMNvX-l9SDL7bXydkzDu9BQvI8cFhMkioeE7xccHaJe3lRWLPRCu3DJCzbuQI7juokg9cX2c_HSm_K9DKsp9WUz-w5wXDcvgltb4PKb3Y2T-TMtzFPmqiOWFlQ/s1600/CleverGirl.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiMawQPBFSP-QBwSMNvX-l9SDL7bXydkzDu9BQvI8cFhMkioeE7xccHaJe3lRWLPRCu3DJCzbuQI7juokg9cX2c_HSm_K9DKsp9WUz-w5wXDcvgltb4PKb3Y2T-TMtzFPmqiOWFlQ/s1600/CleverGirl.jpg" height="204" width="320" /></span></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">(WHICH REMINDS ME. There is a new Jurassic Park movie coming out this year. MOTHERFUCKING DINOSAURS, BITCHES!)</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Also, this is my eleventh year of blogging. You'd think that I would tire of hoping that more than six people would read my ramblings, but I haven't. NOT YET.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">So I still have time to be witty and clever, but I don't want it to get in the way of my addiction to the bingo app that I downloaded to my phone. Or jigsaw puzzles. God, I love puzzles. </span>Heatherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13507584416389687297noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10132072.post-82475846633514648712014-07-28T20:48:00.000-04:002014-08-02T20:49:08.425-04:00Misuse of the Mails<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">With the exception of the AARP membership that I got when I was seventeen, this is possibly the weirdest thing that I have ever received in the mail:</span><div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiqMuZKpbs9-IyMA7vCurJCYR8rRBEfAbGHPKIAbIHYGA_lhCY8Nwq-JKeuk1KkLGvCU4dQKeP_48GHYc-hHH-XbCa3uNVuw_Md-JEU5WW5Gtdx-8TJGPpUcOTPQBuhTmBatjJlBA/s1600/what.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiqMuZKpbs9-IyMA7vCurJCYR8rRBEfAbGHPKIAbIHYGA_lhCY8Nwq-JKeuk1KkLGvCU4dQKeP_48GHYc-hHH-XbCa3uNVuw_Md-JEU5WW5Gtdx-8TJGPpUcOTPQBuhTmBatjJlBA/s1600/what.jpg" height="320" width="240" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I don't know why.</span></div>
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Heatherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13507584416389687297noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10132072.post-60374491638032366112014-07-04T07:14:00.000-04:002014-07-06T01:08:00.393-04:00'MURICA!<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Happy Independence Day, America! Today, I am thankful for my freedom and to the people who have died to make it so.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">So here's a sweet picture I took back in 2005 when I lived in a neat place:</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEidgTnWFf9eTburVz7G1Hn8QvfLG1pM2uv9K5irIqSx1F1TLhulqq-0ExaYuGgNepHi-2Q_at3lEP5KW5OYvyRV6_1AqSgUaXgqhfP73-SWM4SIynRjAq-aBkIQGrbukzfZgmXFqQ/s1600/4th.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEidgTnWFf9eTburVz7G1Hn8QvfLG1pM2uv9K5irIqSx1F1TLhulqq-0ExaYuGgNepHi-2Q_at3lEP5KW5OYvyRV6_1AqSgUaXgqhfP73-SWM4SIynRjAq-aBkIQGrbukzfZgmXFqQ/s1600/4th.JPG" height="320" width="240" /></span></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Pretty!</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Being 24 years old and sitting on the National Mall to watch light balls explode over monuments? SUPER COOL. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Being 33 and watching light balls explode over a golf course? SUPER BORING.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Also, Mike bought some cases of 'MURICA water:</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhDclYzo1QFfqMt9hMDQHlHJ96IfXNEPR-pt46rBOhqT2BkchS5PYHefVFt83QeBIsSqs3k_H6fqJWGfaTIHYdLzt_XiBUM67t9rGAfSK4xgcO44gnHzVo5zv-Mpm9qwUbPX_q33A/s1600/0704142205.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhDclYzo1QFfqMt9hMDQHlHJ96IfXNEPR-pt46rBOhqT2BkchS5PYHefVFt83QeBIsSqs3k_H6fqJWGfaTIHYdLzt_XiBUM67t9rGAfSK4xgcO44gnHzVo5zv-Mpm9qwUbPX_q33A/s1600/0704142205.jpg" height="240" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Now THAT'S how you celebrate freedom.</span>Heatherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13507584416389687297noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10132072.post-76592952106150806512014-07-03T06:25:00.000-04:002014-07-03T06:25:00.169-04:00Oh Sweet God!<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I was working at the Medical School these past few months, and there are ALL SORTS of things that I encountered on a daily basis that defy explanation.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Trust me.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">But here's a fun example: </span><span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">This is a photograph that hangs in the Dean's office space, and I am just assuming that it's a class of future doctors, NOT a class of future psychopaths. But every time that I walk by, I almost want to duck out of the way because it is fucking CREEPY.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEii60u0hdxFV9Migq3_m3RF2c9RVuF_4kGJyAfrCl83UZT8gieyNpNLrAAt1olKKR0VIV94x6SXnDGow0f3dP9cgxjQvSQwQiAgTyklff_H5eVOLi824tbNW_S_-IpbJfx2h9GxrA/s1600/0319141207.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEii60u0hdxFV9Migq3_m3RF2c9RVuF_4kGJyAfrCl83UZT8gieyNpNLrAAt1olKKR0VIV94x6SXnDGow0f3dP9cgxjQvSQwQiAgTyklff_H5eVOLi824tbNW_S_-IpbJfx2h9GxrA/s1600/0319141207.jpg" height="240" width="320" /></span></a></div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Not so bad, right? Well...</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjN5v8pk6KqqnuS-4kHr_9nV9lV2cCqJidx1AJulJ-55vOaDiL3Iqp5KqvfqfcILhNY3Wa_MQFCpzVFVACdNi2B501_ldT4kwJXbXRpoV6-kuKSM0Q_8lTeZIV41s2iomPiW_RZtQ/s1600/0319141207a.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjN5v8pk6KqqnuS-4kHr_9nV9lV2cCqJidx1AJulJ-55vOaDiL3Iqp5KqvfqfcILhNY3Wa_MQFCpzVFVACdNi2B501_ldT4kwJXbXRpoV6-kuKSM0Q_8lTeZIV41s2iomPiW_RZtQ/s1600/0319141207a.jpg" height="240" width="320" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">OMG.</span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiRVtVLtz7PhJwIeugmbzJuvh0HHTozj2p1zt2Vf5YXkQO7ftlNWQucuc0fSFygCGwnV5sewl0XnR7mJVcsE-JAKCKo07iNxRj7C4Bdfn9RysxYj2ezHUMCRHJrnUhcv3ks197Tzg/s1600/0319141207b.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiRVtVLtz7PhJwIeugmbzJuvh0HHTozj2p1zt2Vf5YXkQO7ftlNWQucuc0fSFygCGwnV5sewl0XnR7mJVcsE-JAKCKo07iNxRj7C4Bdfn9RysxYj2ezHUMCRHJrnUhcv3ks197Tzg/s1600/0319141207b.jpg" height="240" width="320" /></span></a></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Clearly he is trying to STEAL MY SOUL.</span></div>
<!-- Blogger automated replacement: "https://images-blogger-opensocial.googleusercontent.com/gadgets/proxy?url=http%3A%2F%2F4.bp.blogspot.com%2F-dD-4mXV8ZH4%2FUzRRkje3-0I%2FAAAAAAAAiUg%2Fq5zcZ6ijRSY%2Fs1600%2F0319141207a.jpg&container=blogger&gadget=a&rewriteMime=image%2F*" with "https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjN5v8pk6KqqnuS-4kHr_9nV9lV2cCqJidx1AJulJ-55vOaDiL3Iqp5KqvfqfcILhNY3Wa_MQFCpzVFVACdNi2B501_ldT4kwJXbXRpoV6-kuKSM0Q_8lTeZIV41s2iomPiW_RZtQ/s1600/0319141207a.jpg" -->Heatherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13507584416389687297noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10132072.post-25125125080709927392014-07-02T11:14:00.001-04:002014-07-02T11:14:45.214-04:00Oh, HAI.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgnRSKOjBIpUlfBquyy1XfPvRJWGOo3cItJfWOKy5KSsAoRPehyOU1MwjVVSOF8Ur9og3bVNTVqyAsMdKzdlJ5pL5CaQk9WtX61a5inLo5NGuAFBtkqBUgHFr5bOXlK8DG3y0MRlA/s1600/OhHai.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgnRSKOjBIpUlfBquyy1XfPvRJWGOo3cItJfWOKy5KSsAoRPehyOU1MwjVVSOF8Ur9og3bVNTVqyAsMdKzdlJ5pL5CaQk9WtX61a5inLo5NGuAFBtkqBUgHFr5bOXlK8DG3y0MRlA/s1600/OhHai.jpg" height="206" width="320" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">I have been BUSY. With THINGS. Important THINGS.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">...</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Not really. I'm just lazy.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Anyway, I'm not making excuses for LIVING my LIFE - I just thought that I'd let you know that I am, indeed, still alive. And chock full of stories!</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Like yesterday, I saw books on the side of the road. They were spine down, pages fluttering in the wind, and I was both incredibly sad and <i>seething </i>with anger. THOSE POOR BOOKS. What kind of monster did this to you?</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I mean, I was more upset about dead books on the side of the road than I usually am about dead deer and groundhogs and squirrels. Which says something about me? I don't know.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Anyway, it's SUMMER and it's AWESOME and life is GOOD. And I'm going to be better about this here blog thing. </span>Heatherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13507584416389687297noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10132072.post-84968335931909812172014-01-22T21:13:00.000-05:002014-03-27T13:01:33.025-04:00I'm Heather! I'm Disgusting!<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Mike's bathroom has a better shower than mine. Mine is a tub shower with a shower curtain, and it's very nice, but his is a step-in, with sliding doors and little seats! It has a sauna effect, and if you're cold, it's the best place to be to get your blood flowing. </span><span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">He was in Dallas this past week for work, and I practically moved in there. For REASONS.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Sure, we could share - we did for a while. But take the fact that I have to get up earlier than him and couple it with the fact that he has a hard time falling back asleep once I'm making all sorts of noise in the bathroom that is just steps away from the bed, and you've got a very cranky boyfriend. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">The condo has two and a half bathrooms (I KNOW!), and so I carted all of my girly crap into the other full bath and set up shop. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Mike's shower also has the distinct advantage of not being clogged with my hair.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">So... </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I am usually pretty good about dealing with issues as they arise, but when said issues dictate my getting dirty or being uncomfortable, I tend to ignore them for far longer a period of time than I would most anything else. Example: cleaning out the fridge (I've actually paid my sister-in-law to do it for me before). </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Case in point - a majorly clogged drain.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">You know how when your shower fails to drain as quickly as before? How you basically end up ankle deep in your own filth-water because it's failing to drain at an acceptable rate? Yeah, I am not going to tell you how long I allowed that to go on before I finally did something about it. But definitely be aware that there <i>is</i> a reason for the title of this post.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">After a particularly shitty day, I was NOT leaving the house again. My shower that morning had been disgusting and I knew that it needed to be dealt with. But Mike had used the rest of the Drano weeks before.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">To the internets!</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I soon discovered that I could use household products - products I actually had on hand - for a more natural, chemical-free solution: baking soda and vinegar.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Basically, I made an erupting volcano in my bathtub. (Of course, this was after I used a hanger to remove all of the hair from the drain, leaving me dry heaving for a good five minutes. IT WAS SO GROSS.)</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">And you guys? The erupting volcano worked so well! Here's what you need:</span><br />
<br />
<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">2 cups baking soda</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">4 cups boiling water</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">1 cup white vinegar</span></li>
</ul>
<br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Steps:</span><br />
<br />
<ol>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Pour one cup of baking soda down the drain</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Pour two cups of boiling water down the drain and wait a few minutes. Apparently, this mixture helps to clean all of the slimy gunk from the pipes.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Pour the remaining baking soda down the drain, followed by the cup of vinegar. Immediately plug the drain, because it's volcano time! You'll hear sizzling from the chemical reaction going on in your pipes (dirty!), and little bubbles might escape. Give it a few minutes.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Unplug and pour more boiling water down the drain.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Repeat if necessary, re: you are disgusting like me.</span></li>
</ol>
<br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Enjoy!</span>Heatherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13507584416389687297noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10132072.post-2779779655415829622014-01-06T14:00:00.000-05:002014-03-27T12:37:26.299-04:00Fucktons of Snow and Asshole Kids<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Southeastern Michigan got a fuckton of snow over the last few days, and the temperatures have dropped so dramatically that things have practically shut down. Except for my job! Nope, we never, ever, ever close.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Never, ever, ever.</span><br />
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Knowing this, I woke up earlier than usual, spent a good twenty minutes cleaning the FOOT of snow off of my car, and cautiously drove to work on a near-empty freeway. The roads weren't bad at all, in that I-94 is a free-for-all kind of thing, and I managed to get to work early.</span><br />
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">And yet, I was the ONLY PERSON in my office to show up to work today even though the majority of my coworkers live in this city. This city that has reliable public transportation. That is free to all employees.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">But if the boss gives you the option of working from home, I'm guessing that most people will take it. Except if the email is sent twenty minutes after you've arrived at work.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Balls.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">But some people did trickle in over the course of the next few hours - mostly people from other departments, but whatever. One doctor showed up for a meeting for which only one person actually showed up. </span><span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Because the schools were closed, he brought his preschooler with him to the meeting, and left him near my desk for over an hour.</span><br />
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">He immediately turned on an iPad. At - what I <i>thought </i>was - top volume. After about a half hour of Mickey Mouse and his shriller-than-shrill voice, I had had enough.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">"Sweetie, could you turn the volume down a little?"</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">His response, after slowly looking up at me with a frown?</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">"It already <i>IS</i> down a little." </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">And then he turned it UP.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I don't have children. I don't know anything about how difficult it is to raise children, and I certainly would never be one of those dicks who try to give advice on child-rearing. But. I do know the difference between "being a four year-old" and "being a complete asshole of a child."</span></div>
</div>
</div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">GAH.</span></div>
Heatherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13507584416389687297noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10132072.post-54519810277562862792013-12-20T17:06:00.000-05:002014-01-22T12:02:27.882-05:00Quinoa Salad and the Rolling Pin of Doom<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I get on these kicks where I am determined to do something - usually prepare some recipe I found online - and I jump in head first without even thinking about the needed materials, the time frame, the sheer ridiculousness of the idea, and on and on and on.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">This was one of those moments. BUT. It was one of the moments when I TOTALLY REDEEMED MYSELF. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj2dNmeK13RfOaxcrnC8rGBXAi0C8ejlMzZD4iRImTgB81GKBG-V_9MSYi40Y3JRr7Mm_OdJifqhQ4KVTec6-OWQXZWubqr1yK1nAqClWXKTMqXXhvgpqofTkDbEECmRrQZnnh9eA/s1600/D&D.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj2dNmeK13RfOaxcrnC8rGBXAi0C8ejlMzZD4iRImTgB81GKBG-V_9MSYi40Y3JRr7Mm_OdJifqhQ4KVTec6-OWQXZWubqr1yK1nAqClWXKTMqXXhvgpqofTkDbEECmRrQZnnh9eA/s320/D&D.JPG" height="179" width="320" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: x-small;">They approve.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I decided, on a whim, to make this recipe: <a href="http://food52.com/recipes/18012-quinoa-salad-with-hazelnuts-apple-and-dried-cranberries/" target="_blank">Quinoa Salad with Hazelnuts, Apple, and Dried Cranberries</a>. I found it on the interwebs on <a href="http://food52.com/" target="_blank">FOOD52</a>, and could think of nothing else until I got to the store, purchased the few food items I needed, and got home.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi6U_hkhrNv1lYpg6Ent37ecFWgTJKfob_aq94vIHiP0xk-10QQ7k5eDBu5nK8ffFqtKjkLWRfm8K5lGBFO3aOciiSVPGWUFc8xguo3PQJoKgQcbCONKxLxU069q_T6ZZl4-eE9Ww/s1600/0116142227.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi6U_hkhrNv1lYpg6Ent37ecFWgTJKfob_aq94vIHiP0xk-10QQ7k5eDBu5nK8ffFqtKjkLWRfm8K5lGBFO3aOciiSVPGWUFc8xguo3PQJoKgQcbCONKxLxU069q_T6ZZl4-eE9Ww/s1600/0116142227.jpg" height="320" width="240" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Cook the quinoa. Okay, fine. But first! Rinse the quinoa. Have you ever made quinoa? It is the tiniest little grain-like entity ever, and even my fine mesh strainer was not fine enough to contain them. It took a bit of swishing in a bowl of water, but I finally got them sparkly clean. (Also, it apparently isn't really a grain, it has some kind of bitter coating on it - hence the rinsing - and it is loaded with protein. Worth the hassle, it seems.)</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><i><b>Disclaimer: Many pictures have been staged to protect the innocent.</b></i></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Chop the parsley - done. Chop the green onions - done. Sautee celery and yellow onion - done.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Roast the hazelnuts.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Hmmm.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj97D89crKRObXVS2Gab0b2qIFuL0prqSI0zUmfE28Cs530knzFk9OcDT53NsBxdNbcOfxU2RerqnXbssFRQX1tunDfWJ2hvXsfX0aM6vNYJbcPWdhPCY_amcASvcqXPh_XB_mZpA/s1600/bag+o'+frustration.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj97D89crKRObXVS2Gab0b2qIFuL0prqSI0zUmfE28Cs530knzFk9OcDT53NsBxdNbcOfxU2RerqnXbssFRQX1tunDfWJ2hvXsfX0aM6vNYJbcPWdhPCY_amcASvcqXPh_XB_mZpA/s320/bag+o'+frustration.jpg" height="239" width="320" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Fine. </span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">What it should have said was, "Roast the SHELLED hazelnuts," because my dipshit self had never cooked/baked with hazelnuts before (unless Nutella counts) and didn't realize that she needed to get the fucking nuts out of the fucking shells before throwing them in the fucking oven.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">They took three different trips into the oven before I realized this.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">So there I was, sitting on the kitchen floor at eleven o'clock at night whacking a ziplock bag of hazelnuts with a rolling pin. Those fuckers were SUCH bastards. It took a while of trying before I got the movement down, and when they cracked, it was the <i>most </i>satisfying crack.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">It didn't get easier from there, however. They went back into the oven, and the recipe promised that the peels would slough off, but THEY DID NOT.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgplCOpxPh97US7vKC84Rwu3Z_vo4VCGaN6xbRUjgzFX0wIj231a-jl939ZtW9qsIm9dj3BB5Y0tJ05DjnP1y0obmHdGGgmk5Pzzivttb110rBmR1Xwpp6K7PGTkSBXKHE201_hvw/s1600/fuck+this.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgplCOpxPh97US7vKC84Rwu3Z_vo4VCGaN6xbRUjgzFX0wIj231a-jl939ZtW9qsIm9dj3BB5Y0tJ05DjnP1y0obmHdGGgmk5Pzzivttb110rBmR1Xwpp6K7PGTkSBXKHE201_hvw/s320/fuck+this.jpg" height="239" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">This is a picture of PURE FRUSTRATION.</span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">My perfectionist self did not appreciate that the peels were still there, and went at them with a paring knife until realizing that it was after midnight and perhaps I was a jackass.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">But this is the output, and it was awesome:</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhip_nbVkd-irjjoQhtuOJq3bw8MQidtSYzPBeOlv3uCav4VqxFb-j3SfIxdwcxjnn_NqPmroCoEUqrDr2_dD3mmXAj_qj7cHFPWWr1UGv_L6EPaqkPKFRhif1tm_rHForyUvNZgA/s1600/2013-1015-wildcard-quinoa-salad-with-hazelnuts-apple-and-dried-cranberries-005.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhip_nbVkd-irjjoQhtuOJq3bw8MQidtSYzPBeOlv3uCav4VqxFb-j3SfIxdwcxjnn_NqPmroCoEUqrDr2_dD3mmXAj_qj7cHFPWWr1UGv_L6EPaqkPKFRhif1tm_rHForyUvNZgA/s1600/2013-1015-wildcard-quinoa-salad-with-hazelnuts-apple-and-dried-cranberries-005.jpg" height="213" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">I forgot to take a picture, so here's the one from </span><a href="http://food52.com/blog/8703-quinoa-salad-with-hazelnuts-apple-and-dried-cranberries" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;" target="_blank">Food 52</a><span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"> instead.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Anyway, it was a huge success in that it was delicious, but it was not a success in that I didn't get to bed until one in the goddamned morning and had to get up at six. </span>Heatherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13507584416389687297noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10132072.post-23592306148278404792013-12-10T17:07:00.000-05:002014-01-05T17:07:54.088-05:00The Best of Boots, The Worst of Boots<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">My Dear Merrell Spire Peak Waterproof Boots,</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">After visiting Betsy in New York and coveting her pair, I acquired you in the early spring of 2007. It was love at first sight. For the DC winters, you were not at all necessary (unless it was <a href="http://voices.washingtonpost.com/capitalweathergang/snowmageddon/" target="_blank">Snowpacalypse or Snowmaggedon</a> - both of which occurred in the era of insane social networking and after I moved away and during which the entire DC area went fucktard batshit insane). </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">You were an art form for the feet!</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhK-ShSJaIyxBR3fhuyd1pzT7lNUELieViNw3SmeW07XXXsrvWw7GMBL28TkOkPHC6fURTOKuQEdVR14ipoFzKE0Fvri9IdeGkNfQxl4HGbMZDOfJ2OUapWvAbMTAX8YNWuAiscAQ/s1600/merrell.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhK-ShSJaIyxBR3fhuyd1pzT7lNUELieViNw3SmeW07XXXsrvWw7GMBL28TkOkPHC6fURTOKuQEdVR14ipoFzKE0Fvri9IdeGkNfQxl4HGbMZDOfJ2OUapWvAbMTAX8YNWuAiscAQ/s320/merrell.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: x-small;">Brand-new you!</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><b>And you were available in my size!</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">When I relocated to Michigan, you were most definitely necessary. That first winter back saw many, many snowstorms, and you kept my feet toasty, warm, and dry.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">We had so many good times - I was able to wear skirts and dresses in the winter because of you! I was semi-fashionable while surrounded by undergrads because of you! I didn't slip and fall on my ass as many times as I probably would have if it wasn't for you!</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">But I got older. And so did you.</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhGZg5jUOULk8ikhIVpjs6MahamEBHdDfIDgyGQ6kLXxX4WO_HKkAMuYrq5lx2nU4AOADOA2UJsca3UNdUDZ_9TZx3RNhEpZSY2dGstYSyNy0Wv_5HRBQVcxaF_nwmqZjL7ybsEAA/s1600/boots.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhGZg5jUOULk8ikhIVpjs6MahamEBHdDfIDgyGQ6kLXxX4WO_HKkAMuYrq5lx2nU4AOADOA2UJsca3UNdUDZ_9TZx3RNhEpZSY2dGstYSyNy0Wv_5HRBQVcxaF_nwmqZjL7ybsEAA/s320/boots.jpg" width="240" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: x-small;">A mere shadow of your former self...</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Now, my friends, I must say goodbye. You have sagged and buckled around the ankle, and you are digging into <a href="http://heathpie.blogspot.com/2013/05/theres-always-silver-lining.html" target="_blank">the bad one</a> with such disdain that I have to stifle a scream with every other step. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">In fact, you are hurting my ankles so badly that I am tempted to walk to the parking garage in my socks. And it's 21 degrees out there right now.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">No amount of shoe polish can return you to your former glory. Believe me, I've tried.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I hope that one day I will become acquainted with others in your family, but until then, I am broke and bootless.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">FAREWELL.</span></div>
Heatherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13507584416389687297noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10132072.post-45631354308599391292013-11-03T15:35:00.000-05:002013-12-06T15:40:59.059-05:00STOP IT<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I was sitting in my car in some parking lot, phone to my ear, wondering if my bleeding ears were emptying INTO the phone, when I had a bit of an epiphany:</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Can we all agree as a nation, that we are over Kenny G? </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I was stuck on hold with one of his screechier songs blasting in my ear, wondering why they couldn't just play some sort of muzak instead.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Thankfully the song ended after what felt like an eternity. The next song started... AND IT WAS THE SAME SONG.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">And then I died.</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjKinDC3dm7C_x18u6bUsGK0e-YQGZSRDJngQiOJp_8XHCuoFIH0ZOpZBlu-y7YRcVZB9iVl8WgK-Os1ioqab0Dny2VLsteWmAQQFo_2byd3hnJg5VDdNMAAguflVuwKW6AIYk6ew/s1600/ugh.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjKinDC3dm7C_x18u6bUsGK0e-YQGZSRDJngQiOJp_8XHCuoFIH0ZOpZBlu-y7YRcVZB9iVl8WgK-Os1ioqab0Dny2VLsteWmAQQFo_2byd3hnJg5VDdNMAAguflVuwKW6AIYk6ew/s320/ugh.jpg" width="256" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: x-small;">MURDERER.</span></div>
Heatherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13507584416389687297noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10132072.post-73608563174040959732013-10-13T13:30:00.000-04:002013-12-06T15:34:14.640-05:00Three Words: Bumpy. Cake. Sundae.<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Do you know what a bumpy cake is? DO YOU? This is bumpy cake:</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhNOyMXli2nanwy4kidXQzm_gOdBIsCOFHnkA6Bo6q6ekU7z8MDZLL2nRYPIsYbVQmjbUhRFeG_qQ7agq9sjhtPwCky3HyT0qKuOb9AuGXpzP2xHEUyaWn2GL0WyBXUo7ATuFjCTA/s1600/sliced+cake.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhNOyMXli2nanwy4kidXQzm_gOdBIsCOFHnkA6Bo6q6ekU7z8MDZLL2nRYPIsYbVQmjbUhRFeG_qQ7agq9sjhtPwCky3HyT0qKuOb9AuGXpzP2xHEUyaWn2GL0WyBXUo7ATuFjCTA/s320/sliced+cake.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Do you see all of that frosting? It is incredible. It's made by several companies, but the two best are <a href="http://www.awrey.com/" target="_blank">Awrey's</a> and <a href="http://www.sanderscandy.com/" target="_blank">Sanders</a>.</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhTd2Zen7K06gckD2gkHN9rG54x-G9xN9yH7f_WCRVAexfQuPWMZF1kL5-LdU-ao56mmylSafhkoawF2zdHOHK5VWu6k8id1tW7ZK48XN_d-6k7vRmBPELuyEmgiFRo_8XzJw6riA/s1600/cakebox.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="270" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhTd2Zen7K06gckD2gkHN9rG54x-G9xN9yH7f_WCRVAexfQuPWMZF1kL5-LdU-ao56mmylSafhkoawF2zdHOHK5VWu6k8id1tW7ZK48XN_d-6k7vRmBPELuyEmgiFRo_8XzJw6riA/s320/cakebox.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Growing up, my cousin, Holley, would always have an Awrey's bumpy cake for her birthday - much to the delight of her cousin (me, for those of you not paying attention). It was so frosting-y and chocolaty and delightful, and one piece was never enough.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Right, so Kari and I were screwing around in Downtown Wyandotte and decided that what we needed was ice cream. Sometimes that ice cream craving is solved by a cone from Burger King or a frosty from Wendy's, but this was serious. A very serious craving. And Sanders was open.</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg3fAA9Rg0rQ2XK1aCOyB6UKSk6gGzd8C9W2YEvO0_fHigEfj11wOJQXoTrIUIzJRsi4xw9mZYrNasHyKvh75rIDFW3N06WsxOt3Rsuzl60NvygHIIOYf75kd9vA_2jZY1-4tcDCg/s1600/parlor.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="233" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg3fAA9Rg0rQ2XK1aCOyB6UKSk6gGzd8C9W2YEvO0_fHigEfj11wOJQXoTrIUIzJRsi4xw9mZYrNasHyKvh75rIDFW3N06WsxOt3Rsuzl60NvygHIIOYf75kd9vA_2jZY1-4tcDCg/s320/parlor.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: x-small;">Come in! You will not be disappointed...</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">When Kari and I entered the ice cream parlor, we thought that we were getting ice cream -like a scoop or two. But then I saw the menu and knew that it was fate that brought us there that night because BUMPY CAKE SUNDAE.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">You might be thinking, "That can't be real." OH WAIT IT CAN.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjqgcqwXEPd1xfiGXGswgliPLIEe5_wE8yoa9IKNRqxTb6PnrpYZtaRmy5_5H7zeODNXIxJxLDvYgix7Ybd0ekbieD5-vLLNiIWwnOTXOUxs5jdLgHmkkhZA9BgQVkUt0lSrxv32w/s1600/bumpy+cake+sundae+ftw.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjqgcqwXEPd1xfiGXGswgliPLIEe5_wE8yoa9IKNRqxTb6PnrpYZtaRmy5_5H7zeODNXIxJxLDvYgix7Ybd0ekbieD5-vLLNiIWwnOTXOUxs5jdLgHmkkhZA9BgQVkUt0lSrxv32w/s320/bumpy+cake+sundae+ftw.jpg" width="240" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: x-small;">Eat me.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I just realized that this picture doesn't do it justice, for you can only see the ice cream and hot fudge, but trust me... there was cake under there, and it was borderline illegal.</span>Heatherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13507584416389687297noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10132072.post-78943677918768060362013-09-08T12:15:00.000-04:002013-11-14T12:16:51.185-05:00I Don't Understand Why I Don't Yet Own This<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://www.folterclothing.com/outerwear/squirrel-cardigan/" target="_blank"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhOsBSgzOmK2kx0ChA79fK04qtx2qA0NjovbTQGqVj_eALqg2N5NZJ4_E4ncxiTgq9LTj66XhqGaGB8tQkQyFWAWv8PjWyQ0c6YejEJ7VuUK8rCT-1Wz_7-RVrY43pkZj983Xikzg/s320/squirrel+cardi.JPG" width="236" /></a></div>
JUST SAYING.<br />
<br />
(<a href="http://www.folterclothing.com/outerwear/squirrel-cardigan/">http://www.folterclothing.com/outerwear/squirrel-cardigan/</a>)Heatherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13507584416389687297noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10132072.post-10216616720718678712013-08-17T14:26:00.000-04:002013-09-17T15:14:24.163-04:00The Cleanest the Bathrooms Have Ever Been<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Being laid up with a broken <i>anything </i>is a pain, but having a broken ankle just really, really sucked. I am finally to the point where I am allowed to put weight on it, and I have slowly been reintegrating myself into the land of the bipedal. I am desperately trying to be careful - to not over-do it, really - and just let things happen organically.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">God, that last sentence made me sound like a giant fucking hippie. <i>Organically</i>. Fuck off, ME.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Mike has been really wonderful throughout this entire ordeal - and really all the time, to be honest. He takes care of me even when I am a tremendous pain in the ass. I try to keep the house clean and pretty since he's the one paying the bills and working a ridiculously stressful job. I figure that it's the least that I can do.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">But not being able to thoroughly clean the house was bothering me, and I found that things were becoming more and more cluttered. I could tell that it bothered him, too, but he never said a word.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">So I hired a <a href="http://proformcleaning.com/" target="_blank">house cleaning service</a>. It's something that I would have never considered before, because it seems so... superfluous. So... uppity. But in the end? SO WORTH IT.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I have been able to do some surface cleaning and the like, but vacuuming took about ten times as long as usual, and I was completely unable to vacuum the stairs. I thought about trying on multiple occasions, but all I could envision was losing my balance and breaking other bones.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Because it was a Groupon deal, it was well worth the money, but I don't know that I could justify paying full price for something that I am soon going to be able to do on my own.</span>Heatherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13507584416389687297noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10132072.post-70024097998660962182013-08-16T19:52:00.000-04:002013-08-29T14:18:03.147-04:00Nordstrom Fail<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">When I was in Seattle last June, Mike's mom took me to Nordstrom Rack. It was brilliant. It was enormous. It was cavernous, even. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">You see, Nordstrom (and its Rack) is like Mecca to me, predominantly because it is one of the few places that actually carries shoes in my size. (A ridiculous size 4, if you must know. Which is the same as wearing size 2.5 in girls' shoes. And I'm almost 33 years old.) I really couldn't care less about the designer clothes and whatnot - I just want to wear shoes that don't have Hello Kitty on them.</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhATYKjm-ZM36CwuytmJTfouKnAgTm6cflD34XFx9iQNOqNDSLPwmRhWAi-pRcdkAJXJqNUPzDoHgMpBLMOFkZQAfxnxJ6TCRO0wzNGjuLVRtzFD0BSQkGyYC3aRYBEyC0nfpydlQ/s1600/this+is+my+hell.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhATYKjm-ZM36CwuytmJTfouKnAgTm6cflD34XFx9iQNOqNDSLPwmRhWAi-pRcdkAJXJqNUPzDoHgMpBLMOFkZQAfxnxJ6TCRO0wzNGjuLVRtzFD0BSQkGyYC3aRYBEyC0nfpydlQ/s320/this+is+my+hell.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">A Rack location opened in Ann Arbor in April, but I forgot to go. And then a few weeks later, me and my ankle were passed out on the couch reading magazines and binge-watching episodes of </span><a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1266020/" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;" target="_blank"><i>Parks and Recreation</i></a><span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">, so I didn't get a chance to visit.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Well, I finally got my car back, and I gotz paid, so I drove my ass to <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Arborland_Center" target="_blank">Arborland</a> and hobbled inside.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">The shoes were in the back left corner of the store, and it took me a few minutes to figure out where the bitty ones were. Imagine my disappointment when instead of the WALL of size fours I encountered in Seattle, there was one measly rack. ONE.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I swear that if it wasn't for the pain meds I would have sunk to the floor and cried.</span></div>
Heatherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13507584416389687297noreply@blogger.com14tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10132072.post-35982365740881240652013-08-15T14:16:00.000-04:002013-08-29T14:16:13.019-04:00Possibly the Greatest Shirt Ever?<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj-kFknydxoSmE1G-fntomGhcAurHGm3_aqkyLrTAlEiiGJN9bahS_1RP-UGAlcpUWXqMr9t47YnYC49LD8TDXIQUAhd5JCU9TOizmzItX1OXxdXDBhxFIwPXfJfwOKUC4UupMqOQ/s1600/donuts.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj-kFknydxoSmE1G-fntomGhcAurHGm3_aqkyLrTAlEiiGJN9bahS_1RP-UGAlcpUWXqMr9t47YnYC49LD8TDXIQUAhd5JCU9TOizmzItX1OXxdXDBhxFIwPXfJfwOKUC4UupMqOQ/s320/donuts.jpg" width="240" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Discuss.</span>Heatherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13507584416389687297noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10132072.post-82209189854334246652013-08-14T14:11:00.000-04:002013-08-29T14:14:17.532-04:00Hi! I'm Haley and I'm Adorable!<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">My youngest niece, Haley Grace. FEAST YOUR EYES ON THE CUTENESS! FEAST!!!!!</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEihjTxwB2aPvg36oFRgCmLfDJMrq5h6_v4Gia_oOmm0f7cHprQq_k6f_QCfDbJ_KAVA780d0Q9M3w19kOACqkZC9ZD2KBDetBodXdSwfMn5S0QWWJ-1RjBXBXbbD5SCsk0Ks3IBQA/s1600/haley+at+the+park.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEihjTxwB2aPvg36oFRgCmLfDJMrq5h6_v4Gia_oOmm0f7cHprQq_k6f_QCfDbJ_KAVA780d0Q9M3w19kOACqkZC9ZD2KBDetBodXdSwfMn5S0QWWJ-1RjBXBXbbD5SCsk0Ks3IBQA/s320/haley+at+the+park.jpg" width="240" /></span></a></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhCYrBPO04Dfr9j-ILQFdq4l7vPz04X2gljK1CHYiVIRPdrHC8RfcaCZKODGEMNuiugoSBcKC3E3WHc5MwqjSBTwV-YTh8ctj3RiJpoQcJ3H8zXddXya5uIpqy0Fo2gIbuVQegZNw/s1600/haley+necklace.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhCYrBPO04Dfr9j-ILQFdq4l7vPz04X2gljK1CHYiVIRPdrHC8RfcaCZKODGEMNuiugoSBcKC3E3WHc5MwqjSBTwV-YTh8ctj3RiJpoQcJ3H8zXddXya5uIpqy0Fo2gIbuVQegZNw/s320/haley+necklace.jpg" width="240" /></span></a></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhquTy-7_oMPmcQdaND5od1drsO-yNhCZxSe_JYWj5svT9St-lW_ZipDw16AGLaQ8djBP2yMfkMX-Au0q-CItYYiOpZ6ggvx15qVN_NiEqlA63JjQebJuFUYi9o53Szd6y8OJmolg/s1600/haley+walking.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhquTy-7_oMPmcQdaND5od1drsO-yNhCZxSe_JYWj5svT9St-lW_ZipDw16AGLaQ8djBP2yMfkMX-Au0q-CItYYiOpZ6ggvx15qVN_NiEqlA63JjQebJuFUYi9o53Szd6y8OJmolg/s320/haley+walking.jpg" width="240" /></span></a></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br />And here she is with her big sisters, as they watch over her shaky steps.</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj5bOtEy2Y0Kz9HgJuLy8zZjvHZECAd0rhMc_tVImYKmfmWOxROsdcYqU_q1QAYzpu-7wCiAZMYRtWsCsj7JQi00OL7baPchxGVYMkEgbnS1VCmSwTgE-X9HzUXmWivaztLQECb9g/s1600/nieces.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj5bOtEy2Y0Kz9HgJuLy8zZjvHZECAd0rhMc_tVImYKmfmWOxROsdcYqU_q1QAYzpu-7wCiAZMYRtWsCsj7JQi00OL7baPchxGVYMkEgbnS1VCmSwTgE-X9HzUXmWivaztLQECb9g/s320/nieces.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />Heatherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13507584416389687297noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10132072.post-88395546065107873822013-08-12T18:37:00.000-04:002013-08-29T14:13:11.331-04:00It Was Earth ALL ALONG<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Have you ever realized that you had a bag of M&Ms in your desk at work ALL ALONG and you only discovered it JUST NOW?</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Because that's what happened to me. Just now.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">My inner monologue: </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">"I ate my healthy lunch, and I really want to go get some sugar and/or chocolate and/or gummy bears, but I shouldn't. There is all of this work to do and broken ankle weight to lose* and money to save.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">"Well... <i>maybe </i>I could go to the vending machine. I think that there is some spare change in my desk dra... WHAT IS THIS? </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjyLTt6ewhOvmTy2koY1f_MsHCQBM3Xb9VRgsMREQo2ynqmKHmE0Q-u4uZnr2Pfgi3dTuzWhvYxatU8YBOAwKvXdfPkRI7T5Z03-ukWKpo2VjImu3i3Ib8VNIU9Fe8DrN_1L2r17Q/s1600/Sharing+size,+my+ass.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjyLTt6ewhOvmTy2koY1f_MsHCQBM3Xb9VRgsMREQo2ynqmKHmE0Q-u4uZnr2Pfgi3dTuzWhvYxatU8YBOAwKvXdfPkRI7T5Z03-ukWKpo2VjImu3i3Ib8VNIU9Fe8DrN_1L2r17Q/s320/Sharing+size,+my+ass.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Aw yiss.**</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Also, I love that the bag says that it is "<b>Sharing Size: 2 Servings</b>" because AS IF people (read: me) won't eat the entire bag in one sitting, let alone SHARE.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">...................And that was my afternoon.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">*Broken ankle weight is the weight I gained during the recuperation period after breaking my ankle and the subsequent surgery that turned me into part-robot:</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJPAk18HKV4aOOT5dLLdKFeg_oUn3BUeK8riv9IHccqvI8HCqi2ffeayBZNvLu64glj3xyUZscWMzhF4VUGHPY0_b_DutCVlyVILvzNjL54_3C1z5ru1Qq-CQIu_6GvXNhb-p40g/s1600/bionic+ankle.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJPAk18HKV4aOOT5dLLdKFeg_oUn3BUeK8riv9IHccqvI8HCqi2ffeayBZNvLu64glj3xyUZscWMzhF4VUGHPY0_b_DutCVlyVILvzNjL54_3C1z5ru1Qq-CQIu_6GvXNhb-p40g/s320/bionic+ankle.jpg" width="240" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I couldn't put weight on it for almost three fucking months, and I gained enough weight to truly hate myself. Yay!</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">**<a href="http://harkavagrant.com/index.php?id=125" target="_blank">Aw yiss</a> is something I picked up on <a href="http://harkavagrant.com/index.php" target="_blank">Hark! A Vagrant</a>, and I want to use it all of the time, but would never take credit from Kate Beaton because she is brilliant and I want to be as funny as her:</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj3qU3IdBZLRzoqFgaDnmh9i0XyNTjU1qskHEpAcq_lEjCyUn0M2mPrFqpy3GqEnmrFeEBedFMl1tiuWCKEgaSrbHbiDjZLLUwOg3H6rPTCQHeJvkDK3lsz6CkvVXG72h-7W6JLkg/s1600/Duck+Comics.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="94" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj3qU3IdBZLRzoqFgaDnmh9i0XyNTjU1qskHEpAcq_lEjCyUn0M2mPrFqpy3GqEnmrFeEBedFMl1tiuWCKEgaSrbHbiDjZLLUwOg3H6rPTCQHeJvkDK3lsz6CkvVXG72h-7W6JLkg/s320/Duck+Comics.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: x-small;">(Credit - Kate Beaton at Hark! A Vagrant: <a href="http://harkavagrant.com/index.php?id=125">http://harkavagrant.com/index.php?id=125</a>)</span></div>
Heatherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13507584416389687297noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10132072.post-88156383291545897872013-07-02T13:04:00.000-04:002013-07-29T14:29:00.122-04:00Hedgehogs of Sadness<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEghwIuCeC0pUG3sW0_korUDzPDH33rDxrQyLxsbjYVUPup2dyj9np_a9fJ0yPJL5c3cmmVSQBvFj0ByG7Hp8be71AeNSkYqV3FFME8k-NrVN6FzSySEruigVttVT42oV5nnFzMiug/s1600/hedgehogs.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="218" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEghwIuCeC0pUG3sW0_korUDzPDH33rDxrQyLxsbjYVUPup2dyj9np_a9fJ0yPJL5c3cmmVSQBvFj0ByG7Hp8be71AeNSkYqV3FFME8k-NrVN6FzSySEruigVttVT42oV5nnFzMiug/s320/hedgehogs.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">For months, I had been coveting these wee little </span><a href="http://www.kikkerland.com/products/hedgehog-dryer-balls-set-of-2/" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;" target="_blank">hedgehog dryer balls</a><span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">, but even though the price was right, the cost for shipping certainly wasn't. But I found them at the awesomeness that is </span><a href="http://www.worldmarket.com/product/hedgehog+dryer+balls%2C+set+of+2.do?&from=Search" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;" target="_blank">World Market</a><span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">, and I snatched them up immediately.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Mike was about losing his damn mind over his static-y golf shirts, and didn't want to use anti-static spray every goddamned day (which is totally understandable), and I was determined to find a solution.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Do they work? They do! They work incredibly well - shirts no longer static-y, towels are fluffier, and clothes dried faster. I had a set years ago (there were just round balls, and were absolutely not as adorable as the hogs) that I found at CVS or the like, and they worked, but not nearly as well as these.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Of course, that is the information that I gleaned after one weekend's use, because after the sixth load of laundry finished drying, I discovered that one of them fucking broke.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg_eHvVQYcV3HVY_Yrd2CkQ4oENGZbZsrpDRgBg52OxZy5_2AiyqXDW74Jgl43_0US7eNnZzcomNJczPV3v39J2lUMacf7ndKiAGQwSk1MP-8c30f9cYmtAaw6RhUCa_HhWaX91tg/s1600/sadness.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg_eHvVQYcV3HVY_Yrd2CkQ4oENGZbZsrpDRgBg52OxZy5_2AiyqXDW74Jgl43_0US7eNnZzcomNJczPV3v39J2lUMacf7ndKiAGQwSk1MP-8c30f9cYmtAaw6RhUCa_HhWaX91tg/s320/sadness.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">I named them Fritz and Frank.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Fritz fucking broke. He broke!</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">What the hell, hedgehogs? Why did you have to ruin everything?</span>Heatherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13507584416389687297noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10132072.post-22230714960661706762013-06-20T19:52:00.000-04:002013-07-24T12:30:02.140-04:00Back to Work. Ugh.<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">After only a few days back in the working world - albeit part-time - I am starting to consider going off the grid and living under a bridge. I. Am. <i>Exhausted</i>. Of course, that's because my stupid mangled ankle is still healing and also because I haven't taken a single vicodin in over a week. Mainly it's because I was living the life of a lady of leisure, sleeping whenever (and wherever) I wished, eating Cinnamon Toast Crunch for dinner, and staying up watching infomercials until four in the morning.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">So I've gone through withdrawal before - <a href="http://heathpie.blogspot.com/2007/03/substitution.html" target="_blank">from Coca Cola</a>. And that was not fun. Withdrawal from serious narcotics? Well, that's a completely different story. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Because let's take a look at that suck salad: I was getting restless leg syndrome after two days off of the drugs, except that it was like, over my whole fucking body. That freaks me out a little bit, since I was pretty much down to one, <i>maybe </i>two, pills a day.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">So I am completely exhausted, AND I am not getting enough sleep. Awesome.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Plus, you know what else is fun? Not being able to drive. To remedy that, and to make sure that I have a source of income, my dad has been picking me up and driving me to work, logging 80+ miles every day. I seriously don't know how he does it, and I don't</span><span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"> know what I would do without him.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">That said...</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">He drives <i>sooooo fucking sloooooooow</i>. Getting passed by semis in the right lane? All in a day's drive! But he's getting such good gas mileage!</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">(He is driving my car, by the way. I thought that if I was going to ask him to drive me around, he shouldn't have to use his own car. Besides, why let my poor baby Focus rot in the driveway when it can reach speeds of up to 63 on I-94???!?!)</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">But he has to put up with me, too. And I am <i>obnoxious</i>. Like when I say that I'll be ready at 8:30, but he has to wait for me to dry my hair or pack my lunch. Or when I make last minute decisions like, "I don't need to stop for anything before wor... THERE'S <a href="http://biggby.com/" target="_blank">BIGGBY</a> OMG STOP AT BIGGBY TURN LEFT IMMEDIATELY COFFEE."</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhyEAmSe4JJ6CY5A5qzmabpxoSOL4xr14Q75Tq-JXmf2ODffNECqSRCFLYiu0k1eYaVq1s2FzwkR9s8AqG8l6JJpg89RiJXV5YjVD8PL2AsYggtVGHp0TkcK_e8JtkdD2bAiybXqA/s1600/haley.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhyEAmSe4JJ6CY5A5qzmabpxoSOL4xr14Q75Tq-JXmf2ODffNECqSRCFLYiu0k1eYaVq1s2FzwkR9s8AqG8l6JJpg89RiJXV5YjVD8PL2AsYggtVGHp0TkcK_e8JtkdD2bAiybXqA/s320/haley.jpg" width="191" /></a><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">My mom has been driving me around a bit, too, but not as much. Something about me talking/swearing at other cars as if they can hear me annoys her for some reason.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">And my lovely sister-in-law, Kari, has been coming up to visit and take me to stores and generally deal with my shitty-but-getting-better-attitude. She's basically a rock star. Plus, she brings this preciousness with her --></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Not being able to leave the house on my own is also starting to take its toll. Have a Taco Bell craving? TOO BAD. You have to eat healthy food instead. Booooo healthy stuff! Legitimately need to go to Target (not just "go to Target" to fuck around and buy $75 worth of crap you don't need, but "go to Target" because you're almost out of toilet paper and your boyfriend is in Minnesota for the week)? TOO BAD.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">So woe is me and all that crap. </span>Heatherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13507584416389687297noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10132072.post-33322584821134001872013-06-17T15:23:00.000-04:002013-07-09T15:58:01.061-04:00Possibly One of the Best Things to Happen Ever<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Amirite?</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhS8npOwq4o9odyhelwQcNFvmGrfsvORYIJblWeUzoFPGI0OM1I4eo-d0B1_BagGveLRrBBl1cNaExTsGFbweyDPefvPPkchNJmSLCLy5d4On554_TnttpfympyA9vVd9mooX_ZMg/s1600/nutella+gloriousness.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhS8npOwq4o9odyhelwQcNFvmGrfsvORYIJblWeUzoFPGI0OM1I4eo-d0B1_BagGveLRrBBl1cNaExTsGFbweyDPefvPPkchNJmSLCLy5d4On554_TnttpfympyA9vVd9mooX_ZMg/s320/nutella+gloriousness.jpg" width="240" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>Heatherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13507584416389687297noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10132072.post-32185643108297122222013-06-06T22:05:00.000-04:002013-07-09T12:00:50.618-04:00Superfluous Email Accounts<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Every so often - when I think of it - I'll check my spam folder in yahoo. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I mean, most of my yahoo inbox is spam-type stuff anyway, as it's the email address that I use to sign up for store emails and the like, so the real spam folder is usually a fantastic sight to behold.</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj6ZiMzDQ9-3kb_vHbuw7Q9qfLhR1cLWAfKQWVlSDugJUc4E4Zqdgm4lADg4OWFxUiptr95yObMwHBpkyKyd-urqVAdCapH0e59vaedqR6BVhFAL5_a9VXeNeiit4TYOiMn5LzJ6g/s722/Spam+is+amazing.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="206" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj6ZiMzDQ9-3kb_vHbuw7Q9qfLhR1cLWAfKQWVlSDugJUc4E4Zqdgm4lADg4OWFxUiptr95yObMwHBpkyKyd-urqVAdCapH0e59vaedqR6BVhFAL5_a9VXeNeiit4TYOiMn5LzJ6g/s400/Spam+is+amazing.JPG" width="400" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">LocalSluts emailed and offered free access! That is definitely exciting. Also, free solar power? Sweet.</span>Heatherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13507584416389687297noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10132072.post-70394031460351431022013-06-01T11:04:00.000-04:002013-06-20T11:09:02.713-04:00This is EXACTLY Why I Don't Use My Crutches<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj-cwQBQd2DMAKAWxUpHQ968xfE0MkjhZE_Q50cJF4RLdEVyQLMzfkcrWIghthBfKHq_N1a5KDF3y3kiY9K8yKskm89YvRiGImKD5I1D3kzKMw7RLl9RAtswIGI7_ZzNI48gaXYMA/s1600/Trex+Trying.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="238" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj-cwQBQd2DMAKAWxUpHQ968xfE0MkjhZE_Q50cJF4RLdEVyQLMzfkcrWIghthBfKHq_N1a5KDF3y3kiY9K8yKskm89YvRiGImKD5I1D3kzKMw7RLl9RAtswIGI7_ZzNI48gaXYMA/s400/Trex+Trying.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: x-small;">Credit: T-Rex Trying Tumblr</span></div>
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<a href="http://trextrying.tumblr.com/image/43687448647"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: x-small;">http://trextrying.tumblr.com/image/43687448647</span></a></div>
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Heatherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13507584416389687297noreply@blogger.com0