When You're Gone For a Week...

... you get a ton of crap in the mail. Besides the random bills, bank statements, and credit card applications, I got some other tree-killers:

What the hell? Do I really get this many catalogs in a single week? I certainly don't subscribe to them. In fact, besides the magazines I do receive - Self, National Geographic, and Real Simple - the only catalog I have ever requested is IKEA, and has THAT actually been delivered? HAS IT?

So let's see:

Washington National Cathedral (because I love organized religion?)
Delia's (because I'm 14?)
CB2 (because one can never have too many bowls?)
Victoria's Secret (because I love ordering things in September and enjoy not receiving them until sometime in November?***)
Smithsonian (because they totally pay me enough to afford this?)
and
Pier 1 (because I love the commercials with Kirstie Alley?) (I do.)

How do I stop these?

Also, when you're gone for a week, sometimes your roommate has people over and sometimes they vomit in your bathroom sink. And then sometimes they clean it up about as well as a drunk person would. Splattery!

Really.

I'd take a picture, but... no. No one needs to see that.

***I ordered a wool pea coat from Victoria's Secret (apparently they have coats) on September 26. It has been delayed. And back-ordered. And delayed some more. They sent me a $25 gift certificate a few weeks ago as a "thanks for trusting us to deliver on something that we promised to deliver on but now probably won't! EVER!" and last week they credited my credit card for the shipping fees. Great! But still no coat. NOT THAT IT MATTERS ANYWAY, since it's going to be 71 degrees tomorrow. (The high is 67 today, in case you were wondering. And because I *know* you were wondering, people were also wearing coats, scarves, hats, and gloves this morning. Yes, REALLY. Ballhairs.)

I've used the $25 gift certificate because, hello? Free panties? OBVIOUSLY. And those arrived sometime last week. Soooo... where my coat be at, bitches?