I'm fighting a losing battle here, my darlings.
I need to squeeze my mind grapes and come up with something palatable, but I don't think that's going to happen, so I'll just give you yet another reason to think that I am insane:
I... woke up yesterday morning and somehow - in my half-awake, half-asleep state of mind - decided that Wednesday was no longer "Hump Day" but instead "Bust Day." Bust Day? I "rationalized" that Bust Day meant that one must bust through the day and that meant, therefore, that I didn't have to go to work.
What?!!?!
I did go to work - I was showered, dressed, makeup-ed, and out the door in thirty minutes. I'm not really sure how this happened. Of course, once I arrived, it was all downhill and all kinds of curling up in the fetal position, so maybe I should have busted through.
And then this morning, I hit snooze for a good hour before getting out of bed at 7:30 - the time I usually leave for work. Got in, oh... an hour late.
Employee. Month. OF THE.
It's supposed to be 85 degrees today. In October. So that's retarded.
Oh, and I'm going to the dentist today. For the first time in THREE YEARS.
(Please don't give me too much crap about this lapse - my employer didn't give us dental insurance until this year, and let me just tell you - all y'all who think that working for the government is super great and good? NOT TRUE. No dental! Teeth fall out go boom!)
(Of course, I do have Monday off. Columbus Day. Sure. Because that should be a national holiday.)
(Must be clear: Not complaining about this.)
Did you know that you can be twenty-seven years old and still have lots of baby teeth? Oh, YOU CAN. And just maybe, those baby teeth have had silver fillings in them for YEARS and you have a lingering feeling that they are all going to have to be replaced?
And that maybe the new dentist is going to tell you that you are twenty-seven years old and maybe that retainer is looking a little worse for wear and that it's time to get oral surgery to get those false teeth implanted in your gums and...
...
I'm sorry. I just passed out.
Yeah, so that's all I got. Here's some pictures of my niece instead:
"If I smile super big can I please GET DOWN?"And here's one where she looks less manic:
"Will one of you bitches come deal with this straw for me? GD Capri Sun...
What does a girl have to do to get some help around here?"
8 comments:
SQUEEZING YOUR MIND GRAPES? That's horrible. That's just a terrible mental image! Great, now I'm stuck with it. It's creeping me out.
Hey, I went to the dentist today! Quite a coincidence. And I also still have baby teeth!
And now I am out of energy and need more coffee.
p.s. I'm trying to post this but blogger won't log me in, so if it winds up posting five times, I'm really sorry.
jlr - No, no, no! It's from 30 Rock. Ask your sister, she'll know :)
If it makes you feel any better, I hadn't gone to the dentist for about five years until this past February. And I *still* don't have dental insurance...that's what I get for working for a nonprofit with no money.
And I can't believe how big your niece is getting! So cute!!
I watch 30 Rock, but I don't remember that. It's still grossing me out, though. Which episode is it?
I meant to tell you, great post. Except for the grossing out.
waayers - She's like a whole little person, now! I can't believe it!
jlr - It's "Tracy Does Conan," the best episode, in my opinion. I was looking for a clip on YouTube or whatever, but nbc removed them, I think.
And thanks!
Is she the next Pearl? I think so. See if you can get your brother to hook that up.
So...does this mean you don't like my dentist? Because he told you scary things about oral surgery? He's really quite nice. And how fancy is that office???
lem - No, I loved the dentist! I was just thinking (before my appointment) that he would want to schedule all kinds of surgeries and whatnot. In reality, he thinks that I should stick with the retainer as long as I am comfortable with it. So I love him basically. And that office? Wow! I love that the X-rays came right up on the sexy flat screen wall monitors. Nicest office ever!
I don't think that my brother has seen "The Landlord" sketches, but I know that he would lose his shit if he did. He would probably find them funnier than I do. But yeah, I am going to make things happen. Next internet star!
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