OH MY GOD I hate the women on this floor SO GD MUCH.
Goddammit, ladies, what the hell? Can we spray some perfume or something? Can we eat less fiber? Because GOD.
I am aware that it happens - sometimes nature calls whilst one is at her place of employment. But honestly, ladies? We're not men. We don't aspire to do... that... every day at work. We don't feel the inexplicable need to mark one's territory. We can do the crossword while seated in an actual chair.
Why? Because we are the fairer sex, yes? Because our "home office" is a little more well, private? Because women just don't DO that, RIGHT?
Fuck no.
Women are disgusting. It has long been my stance that any women's restroom will, on the whole, be infinitely more disgusting than any men's restroom at any given time.
But you might be saying, "Heather, that's crazy. Men are the disgusting ones! They are the ones who destroy public restrooms, not us! We are pretty and thoughtful of others and always smell of roses or, at the very least, Calvin Klein!"
And to that, I say, "Ah, yes, but not all male public restrooms are like the one in The Sweetest Thing! I mean, there are probably inappropriate haikus and limericks, and at least one glory hole, but there will most likely be less... drippage. Besides, we didn't get to SEE the state of the ladies room, did we, because the woman occupying said restroom announced that she would be awhile because she 'had lamb curry last night' and that she was 'shitting out a Buick.' And also, what woman SAYS THAT?"
Women are flat-out gross, especially the ones who use the restroom on this floor. I am not even going to TELL you what I once found smeared on the back of one of the stall doors. Them's the stuff nightmares are made of, my darlings.
Shudder.
So, ladies on the 7th floor of my stupid building: STOP IT.
At least go down to the sixth floor or something. That government agency deserves it.
4 comments:
HAHA! It's funny because it's sad but true.
My friend Karen used to tell us stories about this woman who would come down to the floor every day and use their public restroom for the purpose of doing her business, and that she clearly had some sort of problem. Also involved government buildings. What's the deal with that?
Our restrooms aren't so bad, though. But most women's public bathrooms are, to quote David Sedaris (though on a different topic), "across the board dis-gust-ing." WHAT is the deal with the women who refuse to flush?
jlr - Seriously, women are SO GROSS. I don't know why some of them think that using the little trash can thingy in the stall is beneath them or something. Would YOU want to clean up THAT off of the FLOOR?
Oh man, our bathroom at work ALWAYS smells bad. Even right after it's been cleaned. I don't get it.
waayers - Yes! I don't get it, either!
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