Heath-ohLordkillmenow-row

Oh LORD.

K-10 dropped me at the Russell Square tube station on Tuesday and I took the hour-long trip to Heathrow for my flight back to the States.

So after getting through security and getting frisked (yes, she was hot and she totally touched my boob), I walked into the largest Duty-Free area that I've ever seen. I've never understood the whole duty-free thing, but I guess some people DO need gallons of perfume and pounds of chocolate. It was like a food court, but the eateries were replaced by Chanel and Burberry.

Vomit.

So I was stuck in the giant perfume court, waiting for my gate to be announced. I bought like, twelve bottles of water and sat down. And then, Christina sat down next to me.

How do I know her name? Well, you know the type of girl who cannot stop talking? Put her in an airport with nothing but her cell phone to entertain her, and see what happens.

She was an American studying in the UK somewhere, and instead of buying a magazine or something, she found it necessary to call every. single. person in her phone. And she said basically the same thing in every single instance:

"Hey (insert name here), it's Christina! I know you're in class, but I just wanted to tell you I'm in Heathrow waiting for my flight. I'll be in tonight at ten. So excited to see you! Okay, bye. I'll call you when I get in. Can't wait. Okay, love you. Bye! Hope you're having fun. We'll catch up. Yeah, okay. Talk to you later! Okay, bye!"

It was bad.

I got her whole name (she spelled it out for someone at some point), and if I had been really evil, I could have copied down her social security number as she recited it for two different people.

Just put down the GD phone and READ A BOOK. GOD.

When my gate number finally appeared on the giant screen, I all but RAN out of there. I waited in yet another line and got frisked AGAIN. Then we sat and waited. Again. They finally announced that we were boarding, and "will everyone please stay seated until your row is called? Do not block the doors. Cheers!"

People pay attention OH SO WELL. This is what it looked like:

We just want to get on the plane and sit there for an hour! Yay!

The flight was... not as good as last time, but still not horrible. I had a window seat, which was fantastic! I watched a few flicks: For Your Consideration & Fast Food Nation (which deserves its own post, eventually. Once I get the vomit out of the back of my throat), and a few television shows. We got skipped over for dinner, but once we got it, it was very nice. Then I got super bored and stared at this for about an hour:

Almost home!

Glad to be back, and I will definitely fly Virgin Atlantic next time. Even if it means dealing with Heathrow. Still totally worth it.

And now... I'm off to DCA. Gah. I am SO getting Five Guys.

(Oh, and I'm flying a US Air Express flight or something, which I think means asshat businessmen. Enjoy my onion breath, suckas!)