Missing My Contacts... For So Many Reasons

Right, so my glasses are an enormous pain in the ass. I never realized how much I valued my contacts and the freedom they brought.

When I was thirteen, I had been begging for contacts for at least two years. My parents finally gave in, though it was probably more to shut me the hell up than anything else. The optometrist started me out on gas permeable contacts, or "hard contacts." They were so painful I thought I was going to pass out. When I couldn't remove them, the doctor stepped in. They were able to remove one, but couldn't find the other. I went home discouraged. The next morning, I woke up to a horrible pain in my eye. The stupid lens had traveled back behind my eye at the time of the office visit and found its way back as I slept. So that was fun.

Devil glasses!

I got soft contacts the next day. I've worn contacts for over fifteen years now, so it's no wonder that they are rebelling once again.

We all know what happens when I'm not wearing contacts OR glasses, but what about what happens when I AM wearing them?

~I've almost fallen down the stairs at work. Twice. When I look down at the stairs beneath my feet, my eyes sometimes dart to the area between my glasses and my face. Where there is no lens. And so I get a weird double-vision of the stairs and lose all depth perception. I hold onto the railing at all times now.

~While driving, as my vision has decreased slightly, and because I have to wear the crazy-old-lady cataract glasses OVER my glasses... actually, maybe I shouldn't be telling this story in case police occifers are reading (because they have nothing better to do. And because my readership is that large to include agents of the law). I probably shouldn't be driving.

~I am lucky to have lovely, long eyelashes. They are a very nice feature to have when wearing contacts, but once those glasses are on, they hit and smudge the lenses every other second. I am more than a little tired of cleaning the lenses because it's every five minutes or so.

~It's quite difficult to stayed poised in ballet class when your glasses are slowly sliding down your nose as you attempt an arabesque.

~I used to make fun of old roomie Jen for having to leave the room if someone was chopping onions. Now that I don't have that protective layer covering my eyes, onions make me cry more than Atonement. Yes.

I go back to the ophthalmologist on August 13th. I hope that he has good news. Otherwise, I'll punch him. Or, I'll aim for where I think his throat is and end up punching the air.

Seriously, I shouldn't be driving.