(What Does Me Pulling Out My Hair Actually Sound Like?)

I was going to write something about how August 22 was my five-year anniversary of living in DC, but then I read this article and just about pissed myself with anger.

Ahem.

Some schools in the UK are avoiding lessons on the Holocaust and the Crusades (among many other not-so-great moments in human history, I assume) because they are afraid of offending the kids.

"In particular settings, teachers of history are unwilling to challenge highly contentious or charged versions of history in which pupils are steeped at home, in their community or in a place of worship."

Um, what? I thought that the whole idea of LEARNING was to be faced with different ideas, piecing them together, and then making up one’s own mind on the subject. My parents never forced me to believe what I was taught by them, in school, or in church, and I think that I turned out just fine.

Besides, it doesn't matter if students are taught something that differs from what they hear at home - most of the time, they'll just dismiss it and go back to whatever their parents taught... good or bad. In high school, an acquaintance had parents who taught him that the Confederate flag was a powerful symbol -- so powerful that he learned to turn off the porch lights when children of a certain color came trick-or-treating.

Sick, right? There was no changing his mind or his prejudices - no number of history classes would alter those deep-set beliefs. Either he was never given the power of choice, or his parents were lightning quick to instill within him dangerous, contentious ideas.

While these are in effect currently in the UK, I can only imagine that the same thing is happening (or will be happening) here in the States. We've been spoon-feeding children sugar-coated versions of American History for years, so it's only a matter of time before teachers are forced to update their curricula and exclude anything that might offend anyone.

If that's the goal, then I hope that children enjoy staring at a blank chalkboard for the entirety of the day:

They'll have to cut out English because it will be offensive to children who aren't native speakers. Say goodbye to math and science because it might make the female students feel inferior. Art, gym, music, and woodshop would have to go because, let's face it: some are better than others in these areas.

(I hope that my sarcasm is strong enough to be detected here.)

So, hey! QUIT IT. These kids may be young with fragile little minds (again, sarcasm!), but they are much, much more intelligent than adults assume. They are constantly aware of what's going on around them, and they are intensely intuitive. They'll ask questions and they'll make their own decisions. And let's be honest - the kids aren't the ones who will end up "offended" and scarred -- it'll only take one parent like Kyle’s mom start a freaking revolution.

History is not simple. It's full of wars and conquests, struggles for power and multitudes of oppressed people. It's not often nice to read or easy to think about. Human history is full of pain and suffering.

But history also teaches us about the uplifting power of the human spirit, the strength to rise above adversity, and the ways in which normal, unassuming people can change the world.

So stop molly-coddling these damn kids! They’re going to learn about these subjects eventually, so how about we stop worrying about what’s going to offend them and take a very large, very potent collective chill pill. And a nice, deep breath.