So. Much. Pain.

Lake Michigan lighthouse and Heather

Okay, so the pain has since subsided, but let me just tell you: if the owners of a kayaking company tell you that the trip is "going to be a very strenuous workout," LISTEN TO THEM.

Let me start at the beginning (cue the wavy lines):

Last week, the Lady and I drove from Detroit to Athelstane, Wisconsin to spend the weekend camping, kayaking, and white water rafting. My cousin Holley (30 years old today!) set it up as a way for us all to save some money while helping her celebrate her milestone. Considering that her original plan was to spend her 30th in Europe, I'm thinking that it was a good choice (well, money-wise).

Suspension-y

Sure, the Mackinac Bridge is amazing, but once you arrive in the Upper Peninsula, things get a little weird:

Little meat pies, not twirly boobie stickers.
Too bad though -- I need new ones.

After nine hours in the car, we met up with my aunt & uncle and our family friend Di and immediately headed to the hotel bar. What? It was a long drive!

After spending the rest of the evening at a brewery with my Uncle Mike, we woke up refreshed, drove an hour to Kosir's to meet up with the rest of our group (twenty-two people!), and set up camp. And had some beer(s).

There were eight tents, in total.
It was like a freaking commune.

It was soon time for the "funyaking." Now, in their defense, they really did try to dissuade us from going, and even offered to let us raft two days in a row instead, but we were apparently too stubborn (read: stupid) to listen.

"Before." Obviously. Because we're still smiling.

I don't know how many people are familiar with the way rivers are measured, but I'll make it simple: Very good, very high water levels here are measured up to a 42. Very bad, very sucky levels are down to a -7. At -7, trips are cancelled.

The Peshtigo River was at a -6. A NEGATIVE SIX, people.

And we still went.

A trip that should have taken an hour and a half took FOUR HOURS. We put in and were stuck on rocks within seconds. It was almost surreal. After a few minutes of rocking back and forth, you'd free yourself, celebrate your victory over mother nature and her goddamn devil rocks, and then promptly get stuck again. Within seconds! I am not kidding!

I actually thought that it was fun and laughed each and every time I found myself marooned, but near the end, I was close to tears when my arms just stopped working. I was so tired and so frustrated that I just waited for one of the guides to free me. Once I finally finished and trudged back to the campsite, I had to ask the Lady to comb out my hair because I couldn't do it myself. Seriously. My arms would not work. It was hell.

We made up for it that night:

(Okay, I snapped this in the bar the night before. Whatever.)

Also, I'm twelve.

We rafted the next day, on the Menominee River. We put in on a spot in Wisconsin and finished in Michigan. That was pretty cool. Again, the water was lower than usual, so it was slow-going at first. Luckily, the Menominee is dam-fed so we weren't dragging ass like on the FREAKING PESHTIGO River.

We tore through Piers Gorge, the biggest drop, twice. I sat in the front for the second trip. It's a good thing that someone was instructed to hold on to the two morons in front, because my foot came dislodged and I got some sweet air.

It was a bit of a disappointment, especially for those who had rafted elsewhere (my cousins in West Virginia and the Lady in Colorado). There was one major "white water" area and it seemed like nothing more than a water ride at an amusement park.

But then, a massive bald eagle flew above us and all was forgotten.

We returned to camp, lit stuff on fire, and drank ourselves into oblivion. Well, not me. After an hour at flip cup, I was DONE and went to bed around 2:00. (Oh, and does the fact that we had three separate games of euchre going at one time make us nerds or totally awesome?)

Yeah, I kept that baby roaring.
What can I say? I love FIRE.

You simply cannot trust people who are doing shots of peach schnapps to remember to put the food away before going to bed. They were doing a shot for each trick they won in euchre. That's... a lot of alcohol.

I loved seeing my cousins - now that Holley is in Wisconsin and Christin is in Arizona, we only really see each other at Christmas (and sometimes not even then. Holley works for the airlines and is almost always working on Christmas Day).

It doesn't matter that the water was low or that the drive was long - that's not what it was about. It was a blast!