Wednesday, August 17, 2005

I Can't Believe I Forgot About This! The Gate, The Pier, The Long Weekend - Part II

So whilst in MI for the weekend, we went to the bar. A semi-trashy place called Pier 500. Sure, it's trashy, but we always have a blast.

Tonks is "sort of" dating one of the bouncers, and he informed us that there was going to be a "show" that night. Now, we had seen the bachelorette party earlier in the night (seriously, how sad is it that someone chose THAT place for their bachelorette party? Ew), but just smiled and clapped for them. What kind of show?

"LADIES AND GENTLEMAN, PLEASE CLEAR THE DANCE FLOOR. CAN WE BRING OUR BACHELORETTE ON STAGE?"

She timidly walks out, wearing her little veil and tiara, with a garter over her jeans.

A tape starts, and a cop walked out onto the dance floor.

Well, a guy dressed as a cop walked out.

I'm not going to pretend that I remember what he was lip-syncing, but it was corny and stupid and all these middle-aged women were screaming so loudly in anticipation of what was to come that it was difficult to pay attention anyway.

Right, so he was a stripper. Dressed as a cop. It was pretty much the most disgusting thing that I have seen in all of my (almost) 25 years. He had all kinds of piercings and was obviously trying to look like a porn star. Well, sans the mullet. He was wearing these girly boots. He stripped down to his little thong. He made her rub him with oil. He stood on her chair and shook his dangly bits in her face. I think that's when I threw up in my mouth a little bit. At one point, he PUT HIS HEAD UP HER SHIRT AND SHOOK IT BETWEEN HER BOOBS.

Um, WHAT?

So this is what happens with a stripper at a bachelorette party in the middle of a crowded bar. What happens in the privacy of one's home? What happens at a BACHELOR party for that matter? I. Don't. Want. To. Know.

I told EmFace and Tonks later that if they were hell-bent on getting me a stripper for my bachelorette party, I'd rather a female. At least they're nicer to look at. Just don't make the boobs too large, please. Those scare me.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

Good memory for someone who "blocked it out". It was horrifying, I agree. It was the second time I have had the "pleasure" of seeing a stripper and thankfully this time this one did not have a mullet. I have a feeling the bachlorette of the night didn't pick the location of her party, I think it may have been her S-L-U-T-Y friends......

Deals On Wheels said...

So, I'm guessing you didn't make it to Megan's bachlorette party?

Haha...can you imagine Megan's bachlorette party? I'm guessing she did something super crazy - like went out for tea and sandwiches. After dark. On a weeknight. Gasp!

Aw, I miss Megan!!

Heather said...

Man, I doubt that she even HAD a bachelorette party :) But I did go to the wedding shower - it was at Gordon Biersch in their banquet room. Talk about culture shock.

Of the twenty people there, I was one of the two non-Mormons (the other woman was the nice secretary in the GWU History Department). I got strange stares when I reached for the wine list, so I ordered a Coke instead.

Then she opened presents. Most everything was cookware. Then her "crazy" friend brought over a bag from Victoria's Secret. *GASP* I'm not sure what to expect at this point, but I needn't have worried. It was a very modest blue nightie. WITH MATCHING PANTIES. Those caused the roomful of younger-than-me-but-already-married girls from hooting. And then she wouldn't hold it up to herself so her mother could get a picture. It was too adorable.

On a side note, two people asked me if I was from the Michigan and another asked if I was from Detroit. I knew I had an accent, but I didn't realize that it was that obvious.