August is Here, Y'All!

And you know what that means...

It's almost my birthday!

Sure, I know that I go on and on about my birthday every year, but this year I have an excuse. This year, I am turning THIRTY and am looking forward to it very much, thank you.

Now, you might think, "Heather, that's insane. Thirty is the year that marks the death of your youth! Thirty is the year that your metabolism slows down and you gain weight and look like a heifer trying to squeeze into clothes from college! Thirty is the year that you really, really, really have to start using face cream!"

And to you, I say, "Yes, my youth is dead now. But I never really much cared for leaving for the bar at 11:30 p.m. anyway. Oh, and remember how I was in bed at 10:30 on New Year's Eve? Yeah."

And then I continue to say, "My metabolism is already fighting me, but I can still wear jeans from my senior year of high school, so suck it! Of course, I have to make sure that I am wearing a large t-shirt to hide any hint of muffin top, and there are enormous holes in the inner thighs and back pockets, but they STILL FIT, BITCHES."

And lastly, I say, "I've been using face cream for years, and I don't see it as a bad thing. I see it as preparing for the future and not having to get botox. Not that I would do that, anyway, but still. STILL."

And while those are not the only reasons that I should be dreading thirty, I have pretty much made peace with the fact that I will now be in a different age bracket. Besides, I know that I will continue to get carded when buying beer, and I know that I will continue to be considered a college student at the campus on which I work, and those are good things!

Also, I know that I will not lose my insanity or my humor with my old age. Hell, I just have to look to my own mother for proof of that.

Anyway, August the 18th cannot come soon enough! Neither, coincidentally, can the 21st, as I will be having a sweet ass party at my house ALL DAY AND ALL NIGHT. If you happen to be planning on being in Ann Arbor that Saturday, do let me know, because you are therefore INVITED.