My Cousin Got Married!

My beautiful cousin, Christin, married John over Memorial Day weekend, and it was awesome and epic and theirs is TWU WUV. And I wasn't a bridesmaid, so I got to remember what it's like to be a guest at a wedding with no responsibilities and such. It was kind of glorious.

And also left me with several hilarious stories to tell.

If you'd like to hear the backstory about how I totally suck and almost ruined everything, read this. If you don't feel like clicking, just know that I am an asshole with zero time management skills and no one should ever ask me to do anything ever (like read things aloud from the BIBLE), because I am bound to be tardy.

Anyway.

After the ceremony, we made our way to the reception. And that's when things got interesting!

First off, just so you know, I was the designated driver. Being the designated driver at a wedding reception is the worst kind of pain. It's an OPEN BAR. Sigh. Savor my pain.

Secondly, table assignments.

I should mention... Mike briefly dated one of my cousin's college roommates back in the day, years before he met me. And we knew that she would be present at the wedding. We did not expect that my darling cousin would seat her at our table.

Yes.

Which, honestly? Was not a big deal at all.

But this girl? Adorable, but not the brightest bulb, that's for sure. Kind of nuts, actually. And that's all I am going to say about that, because, well, she was severely drunk and I really can't hold things against people when I am dead sober and they are falling down drunk. Right?

So here are some pretty pictures!

Oh, and this is what happens when everyone is drinking but you.
I present, A SERIES IN DRUNKENNESS:

And even though I wasn't drinking,
I still had to find some way to look like a moron:

I am ridiculous! Yay!

Congratulations, Christin and John!