Bluebirds Versus Blue Jays

Bluebirds are beautiful, tiny, adorable little birds that make me happy. They have twee little calls, and if you click here, you can hear an example. So cute!

The only reason people like blue jays is because they can identify them. But you shouldn't like blue jays, and I'm going to tell you why.

In a word, blue jays are assholes.

There are three blue jays who stalk my backyard and neighborhood, and I think that it all comes down to the fact that my neighbor has a Mulberry tree in his front yard, and to blue jays, those berries are what crack is to crackwhores. Or catnip to a cat. You know.

That's all well and good, of course, but blue jays are LOUD. They are shrill and obnoxious, and I think that the three of them have a weird kind of relationship going on, because they're constantly chasing each other around and then two of them seem to hide from the other one. And then there's some switching going on and it's basically wife swap up in the tree.

But I do not judge them for their deviant lifestyle! No, I judge them because they feel the need to squawk and scream CONSTANTLY. Click here to hear the ear-splitting irritation.

Anyway, they like to do this at about 5:30 in the morning every day, and since I try to run the air conditioning as little as possible, my windows are open. And the sounds jar me out of bed onto the floor and I scramble around looking for my gun before realizing that I don't have a gun and then I go to the bathroom instead, crawl back into bed, slowly start to fall asleep when it all starts up again.

And that's why blue jays can go to Hell.