Kayaking - This Time With Less Pain

I kayaked the Huron River today with Kelly, Brent, and the kids, and I am happy to report that everyone survived.

That's a good thing since Kelly and Brent's wedding is Friday, September 12.

Additionally, I've discovered that kayaking is much more fun when there is actually water in the river.

We elected to start at the Argo Canoe Livery and kayak the 3.7 river miles to Gallup Park, one of a few available routes. The kids were with us, and I was the only one who really knew what to expect from kayaks (though, really, I had no idea what to expect after the HELL ON EARTH that my last river trip dealt me), so we decided to maybe not take the 10.2 mile trip.

Here is where I would put the pictures if I owned a waterproof camera, and as I don't, I will illustrate our journey instead (like POLAROIDS. Remember those?):

Yes, that accurately describes the entire trip: Kelly and Rachel in one kayak, Brent and Nathan in the other, with me bringing up the rear. The river was a little wider at some points, however.

I did forget to include the moment in which a duck FLEW RIGHT AT US:

Yes, that is also accurate.

That's Quacktastic!

I drew the duck blue because I'd never seen a blue duck...

Oh. And then there's this:

Ironically, these were the male dinosaurs.
The Jurassic period was weird like that.

Reason to Love Ann Arbor #6

Football Saturdays

(picture courtesy of my Mike)

Unless you've experienced it, it's difficult to explain the feeling you get watching football as you are surrounded by over one hundred thousand people.

I remember my first game. I walked from my dorm on The Hill all the way to the Stadium. The streets were flooded with people, all oozing in the same direction.

There were t-shirts for sale, members of the band were leading the spectators toward the stadium, and maize and blue were the only colors you could see. And then I turned onto Greene Street and I saw the stadium looming ahead.

It's a big building, y'all. The first time? It takes your breath away.

I climbed the stairs to section 32, row 96. Row 96 of 98 rows. Nosebleed, sure, but I didn't care. I just couldn't believe that I was there.

Big, Fat, Cancelled Bummer

Remember when I waxed poetic about Veronica Mars?

(Also, I just looked up the meaning of "to wax poetic" just to make sure that I was using it correctly, and I learned things.)

Anyway, I still feel that way about Veronica. But.

I've just finished watching the third and final season of the show, and while it wasn't as good as the first two, it definitely had its ohmigod! moments. The first and second seasons absolutely blew me away and the second season finale caused me to fall out of my chair. I am not kidding. I really fell. It was fantastic (the finale, not the falling. Though I did score a sweet bruise, so there's that).

The third season grabbed my interest and held it. I had to force myself to turn off the tv and get to bed on more than one occasion, lest I show up at work looking like an extra from Buffy. But as the credits rolled on the last episode, I ran to my computer to check if it really was... the end.

It was.

It really is a bummer when a show is cancelled without giving the creators a chance to pen a worthy finale, and that is unfortunately what happened here. The final episode, "The Bitch is Back" (heh), was a season finale, maybe, but it was no swan song. It was not a series ending, jaw-dropping, storyline-ending curtain call. Veronica and her fans deserved better.

That said, it was still worth all of the time I invested watching this wonderfully crafted, beautifully written show.

Bye good show!
(But maybe rethink that vest, Veronica.)

Picking Berries, Picking Ber... Son of a Nutcracker!

I had never been berry picking before.

Michigan has a fairly short growing season, what with the snow and the ice and the freezing rain a-coming, so you have to get in when the picking is good.

I was googling "farmer's markets" and "apple orchards" and found a few places in the area that sounded fun. I made some calls, I put things together, and it was set.

The Lady, Kari, and my two nieces and I headed to Makielski Berry Farm in Ypsilanti, Michigan. Ypsi is the next city over from Ann Arbor, and the drive took less than ten minutes. You'd be amazed how quickly this area can go from city to rural. Well, in ten minutes. You might also be amazed at how loud a three-year-old and a nine-month-old can be in the car.

Oh my God, the screaming. It's a wonder I didn't hit a fucking tree.

I was driving the Lady's van, and oh. Do I hate driving the van. The brakes are less sensitive than my car and I had to constantly remind myself that there were little babies in the back (oh wait, NO I DIDN'T. The constant screaming.) so that I wouldn't take a turn on two wheels.

The whole process was a blast. We tied little milk jugs around our waists and strolled out into the fields.

Be cuter, seriously.

I had a pretty good haul:

Half a gallon of deliciosity!

Then we drove to the blackberry fields, and that's where the thorns reminded me, time and time again, that one should not swear in front of a three-year-old.

Heather: "Oooh, look at this bunch of blackbe - SON OF A BITCH THAT HURT."

Lady: "Son of a gun, you mean?"

Heather: "NO, that's NOT what I meant. That hurt like a motherfucker!"

Lady: Sternly, "Heather."

Kari: muffled laughter

Alexis: "Son of a beetch!"

Lady: "Goddammit all to hell."

I had packed lunch, so we headed to Hudson Mills Metropark and set up camp for a few hours. I chased Alexis around for a while and then gave up.

Damn kids are exhausting.

I can't wait for fall so that we can hit up the apple orchards!

This is What I Get For Trying to Save a Few Bucks

I had that fucking thing for FIVE DAYS.

So after shelling out a whole blessed dollar for a set of two shower puff thingies, I have learned my lesson. I purchased this fine specimen at CVS the other day, and it is heavenly!

No falling apart! No deep scratch marks on my skin from poor craftsmanship! Exfoliating and cleansing all in one!

ALL IN ONE.

I would love it more if it didn't set me back $4.99, though.

Reason to Love Ann Arbor #5

Sam's Clothing Store

Sam's is a super cool shop packed to the brim with Levi's, Converse, outdoor clothing, messenger bags, and more. I fell in love with Sam's when I discovered that they carried my beloved Levi's in "short" length. (Are you listening Macy's? THERE ARE SHORT PEOPLE ON THIS EARTH.)

Sam's prices are great, but don't expect high fashion. There are some great finds, but also some duds. Take the time to search through the jeans, and you can find gems. Like short length jeans.

Sam's Clothing Store
207 E. Liberty
Ann Arbor, MI 48104
734.663.8611

A Series to... Sink Your Teeth Into? (That Was Bad)

I hopped on the Harry Potter bandwagon quite late. I remember waiting in line at the bookstore when the clerk asked if I'd like to reserve my copy of Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets. I was all, "Chamber of what now? No, thanks."

By the time Azkaban was published, The Lady had been trying to get me to read them. She was always met with, "Children's books? No way, I'm busy and important and reading books about Hitler and Churchill. Take those stupid books and give them to your fifth grade students."

And, I just realized that I've told this story before. If you care, read it here.

ANYWAY.

The Lady hath struck again.

I was hanging out with my dad the other day, watching Jeopardy (how frustrating is it to watch Jeopardy with your dad? I know the answers, but he always gets them first! It's not like when I was little and he let me win at Candyland.), when he took a call from a client. As I waited, I saw a book on the end table and picked it up and started reading.

Twenty minutes later and several chapters in, I was hooked on Twilight.

Damn you, Lady! Like I don't already have enough to read!

Dave & Buster's CARNAGE

Mike and I headed to Dave & Buster's last night to join my brother and his fiance, Kari, for their joint bachelor/bachelorette party (holy balls, my little brother is getting married. Sure, they already have two children, but still. I got the invitation the other day and I started crying. I know).

The last time I went to D&B's, I spent way too much time playing some retarded game that pushed coins into other coins and when some fell over the edge, you won a few tickets.

Cruel carnival game!

This time was different. This time... I was on a mission. I bought a little swipe-y credit card thing and loaded on $20. Instead of tokens, you'd swipe your little swipe-y card and become one with the game. We played, regrettably, a round at the coin game and a few rounds at "hit the button when the twirly light is in the right place," but they were all pointless (Mike was pretty good at the twirly light game, however).

I had heard that the trivia game was sweet, but I don't think that I, Mike, or any of the unsuspecting players knew what was to come when Mike and I sat down on those stools.

Total domination.

Well, most of the time. Every so often, a guy whom we dubbed, "The Russian" would win (he just looked... Russian. And sort of like Mikhail Baryshnikov, but not as handsome), but we would always take second or third and win delicious tickets.

While other losers swiped their cards for oodles of points to play the ride-the-snowmobile game, the trivia game only charged something like 5 points per game. Really, the payment to payout ratio was delightful.

We are the champions.

I know that we can't brag about winning 1538 tickets (really!) at Dave & Busters trivia, as that would be like going on the Jeopardy teen tournament at age 46, but still (oh and can we talk about how happy I am that the stupid teen tournament is over? I was so sick of looking at the one kid's stupid floppy hair. GET A HAIRCUT).

But!

IT GETS BETTER. Look at what I picked up in the gift shop with my winnings:

THE GREY ONE HAS DEVIL EYES.

I don't know if the Punk Ass Museum Gang will be able to handle this new development.

TUNE IN TO FIND OUT.

An Open Letter to the Little Birdies of the West Side

Hello Little Birdies!

How are you? I am well, thank you for asking. Are you enjoying the summertime weather and general free-for-all that is the delicious foliage in these parts?

You know, I'm just going to jump right into it.

I have a problem, you see. I have this lovely bird feeder all stocked, and not a single one of you fine, feathered creatures seems willing to partake in the feast. At the moment, I was hoping to start out small, with thistle, trying to get some finch action up in here.

Mmmm, thistle.

I realize that thistle isn't a number-one choice for all little birdies, but it was a starting line. A jumping off point, you might say. And yet? Nothing. Absolutely no little finchy finches.

Perhaps you are all gorging yourselves with the fruit of the mulberry tree in Neighbor Bob's yard. Perhaps you have spotted Fluffy or Fluffy 2.0 and are wary. Rightfully so. That's very intuitive of you all, precious little birdies. Fluffy and any other roaming counterparts are not to be trusted. Hell, I don't even like crossing their well-worn paths.

But I hate to think that every single one of you is a coward. THAT'S RIGHT, I SAID IT. There is lovely thistle here and it needs to be eaten.

Regarding me, there is nothing to be afraid of. This is the view that you will have when dining here at my fine establishment:


Except that I won't be standing outside in a pink shirt taking pictures. Not right away, at least.

Because, and please understand this, I will be here! Inside the house! Away from you! In the house!


So here is what I am thinking. I propose that you internet-savvy little birdies spread the word that there is lovely, nutritious thistle available FREE FOR THE TAKING and that you are all welcome to bust on by. Anytime. And I promise to do my best at deflecting Fluffy, Fluffy 2.0, and any other shenanigan-makers in the general vicinity so that you may all dine in peace.

Love, Heather

P.S. Please tell the other birdies, your sparrow friends and cardinal-type friends that there will be other food available shortly.