Thursday, April 01, 2010

This Morning on "Saved By the Bell..."

"The New Girl"
Season 4, Episode 4

"At first glance, it looks like I'm wearing a denim shirt with jeans,
but I assure you, I'm not."

Zack is threatened by the new girl, Tori. She wears a leather jacket, too much mousse, and speaks her mind. Devil woman. Oh, and this must be one of the episodes when Zack and Kelly aren't dating because Kelly has mysteriously disappeared.

"Yes, I wore this to school. Why do you ask?"

Of course, this is not to be mistaken with the episodes at Malibu Sands, where Stacy Karosi steals his heart and Kelly encourages it because they're "friends." Even though she did totally screw him over with Jeff from The Maxx, but whatever.

When you think about it, they really are quite well-adjusted for "teenagers."

Anyway, Tori and Zack are paired together for a marketing project (Marketing? Now there's a worthless career. "You know, I think that things will sell better if we place them on shelves at EYE level instead of leaving them in the shipping cartons." "By George, you're brilliant!") but she goes and screws up their big presentation by sleeping in and missing most of it. Zack is pissed, even though it all works out (because when doesn't it all work out? Even when Johnny Dakota was trying to get them all to smoke weed, no one caved, it somehow worked out, and we were all treated to a "very special" ending), and blows her off.

Body language = I AM A BITCH.
I am closed off and unapproachable.
Also, my mother didn't teach me not to slouch.

Meanwhile, there's a dance coming up (it must be a Thursday), and Lisa is being a grade-A bitch as head of the dance committee. Everyone bails on her and Tori helps - but only after she brings Lisa down a few pegs, which is a welcome occurrence. Of course, all of this goodwill keeps her up too late that night and causes her to arrive late to the aforementioned super-important marketing presentation.

Tori feels bad that Zack won't talk to her, and it's not because he despises her horrid leather jacket, it's because she makes fun of the girls he dates (Tori has a point, of course, considering Zack's more recent conquests were named Candy and Bambi. Even if Bambi goes on to earn a PhD in Astrophysics at the fictional California University, she still has a stripper name, and that's a hard thing to shake). Lisa instructs her to not make fun of Zack, and then he will like her.

Hmm, Lisa must have learned something from all of those marketing presentations.

Apparently, the editors of Teen Beat thought that we would like this.
They were right - it is on my bedroom wall.
I mean... it was on my wall. Was.

Anyway, I left for work before I could find out what happened, and like all Tori-centric episodes, I have blocked them from my memory. Because she's a bitch, that's why!


Lauren said...

Did they ever explain what happened to Kelly those times when she disappeared or was it kind of like Family Matters where the youngest sister Judy went up to her bedroom at the end of an episode never to be seen or mentioned again?

Waayers said...

This is one of your best posts ever, Heather.

I think this might have been during the time when Kelly went off to Paris to model, and of course before she left, she and Zack promised to stay together forever ("Paris can't compete with you, Zack"). That lasted for about two seconds.

Also, those are some racy photos! Kelly looks like a hussy.


Heather said...

lauren - I have no idea where the hell she was. And you are DEAD ON about Judy. It was all, "We have this Urkel asshat, who needs the cute little sister character?"

waayers - Ahhhhh, Kelly was modeling in Europe. Obviously. I mean, in that outfit, of COURSE she was.

Also, I knew you'd like this post.

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