OH MY GOD.
Old Roommate Jen sent me a book. And it's hilarious. And I'm going to tell you about it.
Nightlight is the story of Belle Goose, a newcomer to Switchblade, Oregon, who falls in love with Edwart Mullen, a computer nerd with no interest in girls. Oh, and he's a vampire with a penchant for rhinestoned camisoles.
For example, here is the infamous quote from the back cover of Twilight:
"About three things I was absolutely positive. First, Edward was a vampire. Second, there was a part of him - and I didn't know how potent that part might be - that thirsted for my blood. And third, I was unconditionally and irrevocably in love with him."
And here is the same from Nightlight:
"About three things I was absolutely certain. First, Edwart was most likely my soul mate, maybe. Second, there was a vampire part of him - which I assumed was wildly out of control - that wanted me dead. And third, I unconditionally, irrevocably, impenetrably, heterogeneously, gynecologically, and disreputably wished he had kissed me."
The geniuses at the Harvard Lampoon have taken the absolute ridiculousness of Twilight and turned it into a parody that made me pee my pants. It's hilarious. Naturally, it drags at times, it's repetitive, and gets a little over the top, but then again -- so does Twilight.
Anyway, this is a gift that must go on. I suggest a Nightlight book chain. If you've read Twilight and thought that it was utter crap, great. If you devoured the series, greater! If you felt immense levels of embarrassment and self-pity while still devouring the series, well, then, you're in the same boat as me.
If you'd like to be a part of the book chain, email me at heather dot dcdonut at gmail dot com. Provide your name and mailing address, and thus, the chain will begin! When you've finished reading this ridiculousness, email me, and I'll send you the address of the next recipient.
It's a fraction of the size of Twilight, so I'm guessing that you'll finish it as quickly as me, and it won't weight too much to worry about an insane amount of postage.
Plus, they call him Edwart. That cracks my shit UP, y'all.