This Is Why You Don't Open Presents Early

About a week before Christmas, Mike conned me into opening one gift early. I gave in. What can I say? He's really cute.

At this point, I was not finished shopping. And the two things that I knew he really wanted? Were definitely NOT yet under the tree.

I opened a gift first. It was the Friends Scene-It DVD game! I've been wanting it for years, but no one would buy it for me for fear that I would want to play the game and thus beat my opponent to a bloody, whimpering pulp.

Mike excitedly looked from gift to gift, finally settling on an innocent-looking cube. He tore the snowflake-covered paper off and ripped into the box - violently taped closed to contain what was within.

There were four items inside, all thickly wrapped with tissue paper. One by one, he unwrapped four different foaming hand soaps from Bath & Body Works!

He... was disappointed.

Nobody loves me.

I immediately went on the defensive. "But you like the soap from there! You don't want to buy it yourself! You're running out of it in at least two bathrooms!"

And his response each time?

"I got... soap."

Then he decided that I tricked him into opening the horrible, evil soap, even though that is NOT what happened at all. I merely mentioned that the box he settled on was a "good choice." He knew of almost every gift that he was to receive, and the box he chose was actually a surprise!

"You got a kick-ass game to play with and I got... soap."

Of course, come Christmas (well, Christmas Eve - we couldn't wait), he received many delectable gifts from yours truly. And yet he still returns to... the soap.

"My hands are really clean! And they smell so nice!"

It's a good thing that I love him.