It was at about three o'clock in the morning when I knew that something was wrong. There was a burning in the back of my throat and upper chest and it really hurt.
Of course, I never jump to conclusions, so even though I was pretty convinced that I was having a heart attack, I took some Tums. Then I tried to go back to sleep.
By about seven, there was no sleeping for me. After we determined that this was not ordinary (and placed a call to my over-reacting mother), Mike and I rolled into the urgent care clinic near his house. My sweet honey, who could have been warm and comfy in bed, brought his laptop and got some work done in the waiting room while I sat in a tiny little examination room, reading Fool, wearing a hospital gown made for two.
Everyone was super nice and everything, but the urgent care clinic definitely prescribed to the "hurry up and wait" system. I got through a good portion of my book, is what I'm saying.
I knew that it probably had something to do with what I ate the day before. I usually eat better than yesterday, I swear, but it just happened to be one of those off days. Mike had to be at work for most of the day, so I sat reading at the coffeehouse for a few hours. I had a lovely cafe mocha (of course) and then I decided it would be a good idea to hit up Arby's. Later, I had a delicious microwaved lean pocket and a Coke. And then some pistachios. Those were just for fun.
So it was a banner day for my nutrition, let me tell you. Anyway, after drinking a GI cocktail, which numbed my entire mouth and throat and didn't seem to help whatsoever, the doctor came in with my diagnosis:
Gastroesophageal reflux disease, or GERD.
Seriously, say it over and over again, like I've been doing all day. GERD GERD GERDLY GERDLY GERD. GERD GERD GERD GERD. GERD!
(Also, it's apparently pronounced, "gurd." Just in case you needed to know. And now you're saying it again, aren't you?)
Okay, so I have the GERD. I was totally fine with taking Prilosec and whatever else until I read a list of foods that I should probably avoid:
ARE YOU KIDDING ME? These are basically the five things that get me through an ordinary day. I need them.
Okay, I can cut out coffee. And Coke. But garlic and onions?
GERD can just go right to Hell.