I finally watched Knocked Up.
Throughout the entire movie, I spent my time wondering if it was going to end any time soon, oh my God. It was... sort of funny at parts. And I smiled a few times!
Of course, PAUL RUDD. He saved it. (Sadly, he can't save everything. Have you seen The Ten? Uhhhhhhhhh... shudder.)
The plot of Knocked Up was a little cliched and obvious, but what movie about having a baby isn't cliched? Heigl was a bit of a shrew, but maybe that means that she's a super great actress because sometimes pregnant women get a little insane with the hormones. I wouldn't know. I have no children, per se. I just witnessed a mother with some spawn at the grocery store and thought about how much sleep I wouldn't get and totally understood when she yelled at her children to shut the hell up and to just let her think for the love of God. Which is good, because coincidentally, I was just about to yell at her children to shut the hell up, and it's not really my place to do that. I don't think.
The plot: Alison Scott (Heigl) gets a promotion at work, goes out to celebrate with her sister, Debbie (Leslie Mann, one of my lady crushes), and in a very booze-filled night, hooks up with Ben (Seth Rogan).
Pregnancy ensues. And tears.
From there, the plot is so predictable that I could have taken a two hour nap and figured it out when I awoke to watch the rest of the goddamn movie. Seriously, it was waaaaaay too long. Additional storylines were okay, but could not be cut, in my opinion, because they involved Paul Rudd. And Paul Rudd is magic.
(You need to get Wet Hot American Summer to understand the brilliance of The Rudd. He's fantastic in every single thing he does, even shit-covered movies like The Ten, but in WHAS, his character absolutely kills me. "You taste like a burger. I don't like you anymore.")
Also, this was a netflix rental with additional scenes just added right on in, so maybe that's part of the reason it dragged. I just can't believe that a normal movie theater audience would sit pretty for 2.5 hours for... this. Unless they were hoping that another joke about pot was just around the corner, which would be understandable considering that those jokes occurred every other scene.
No, I've never smoked pot. Yes, I am a fucking square. I know.
Of course, Seth Rogan and Paul Rudd do go to a Cirque de Soleil show in Vegas hopped up on mushrooms, and their ensuing conversation is pure, unadulterated gold. Pretty much the most hilarious part of the entire movie, it lasts a few minutes, tops.
Bit parts that were kind of awesome: Kristin Wiig (SNL) as one of Alison's passive aggressive bosses; Alan Tudyk (Death at a Funeral) as her other, nicer boss; Harold Fucking Ramis as Ben's dad; and Joanna "Maggie Malone" Kerns as Alison's mother. All were brilliant, all were underused.
But one really good thing to come out of watching this mind-numbing movie: the music of Loudon Wainwright III. His song, "Grey in L.A." played over the closing credits, and I fell in love.