Oh my gosh. Stop - just for a moment. I have fantastic news!
Everyone relish in the fact that the escalators at the Union Station metro are finally fixed! I mean, it's only been a month and a half, after all. For Metro, that's probably ahead of schedule. I can just imagine that phone call:
"I say, Phil? It's Tom. Fine, fine. That escalator at Union Station? Well, it's broken again. Not enough funds, you say? We wasted that much money on the "Stand to the Right" floor stickers - the ones that wore off right around the beginning of tourist season? Wow, that's a huge amount of cash. Well, long as I get my paycheck, you know what I'm sayin'? Ha ha ha! Anyway, I have a grand idea! If we send two workmen to Union Station about every other day or so, it will give the impression that we're doing something about it. It's not too huge of a stop, after all. The DC Visitor's Bureau says it's one of the most visited DC landmarks, not the most visited. So it probably won't affect too many people. I'm sure that the number of people slowly trudging up and down the one working escalator whilst stuck behind a woman in four inch heels that are gravitationally incomprehensible as she stops every few steps to send a text message will be kept to a minimum. And at the end of the summer, we'll raise fares again. Sure! Why the hell not?"
Well, thanks to Phil and Tom, it's fixed! Thanks guys! And thank you, Metro!
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