Passive Aggressive Office Signs

Like any office setting, you're going to run into people who like things a certain way. Like me and how I hate it when people steal my favorite pen. I love that pen. I have resorted to taking it home with me just so no one will touch it.

Yes, I am a little off. I don't care. That pen rules.

No one in my little office gives a flying fuck about much else, but the people in the surrounding offices and the denizens of the cubicle jungle have other things to say. The fact that we all share a kitchen leads to fun encounters and hilarious anecdotes.

It really wasn't until I was working in one of the empty cubicles for a few days that I started to really notice the insanity. Mostly because that empty cube has been recently vacated, and apparently the previous occupant had things to say:

There are no fewer than FIVE of these signs in that cube. A cube that measures eight feet by four feet. She really doesn't want people up in her shit, touching her stuff.

Then, there's the kitchen. This location seems to be the most likely candidate for passive aggressive signs, in any office. In my office, there's the one by the sink:

I tend to agree with this one, just because I am one of those people who likes to soak her dishes before washing. But this gets gross, especially in my own kitchen, when dishes are "soaking" for days on end.

So yeah, wash your dishes, but throw them in the air when they're clean.

Then, one of my favorites is the one on the fridge:

Making new ice cubes makes life OH SO GRAND! And now, there are four trays, so I'm never really sure how to proceed. Not like I would refill them anyway. If I want ice, and there are four ice cubes left, I take three. Because I am a bitch.

Finally, another one on the fridge that appears every month or so:

OH SWEET GOD, don't let it happen to you! Eat your lunch by three, or don't eat at all!

Which reminds me of a story. I once worked in a horrific office in DC, for an organization that rhymes with "Pithonian," and someone would clean out our fridge without warning. I remember this day very clearly, because they were barely paying me enough to live on, and I had just treated myself to what, at the time, was a pretty costly dinner at The Cheesecake Factory (oh, who am I kidding, a dinner there would still break the bank now. For I am temping, and I am still poor. I am so glad that I got this here History degree!). I got a chicken pesto pasta with mushrooms and sun dried tomatoes and pine nuts and it was absolutely glorious.

I took a good portion of it for lunch the next day and someone THREW IT OUT because she said, and I quote, "It was moldy."

IT WAS PESTO. It had my name on it, it had the DATE on it, and yet someone thought that it was MOLDY and that it should be thrown away.

Also, who the hell cleans out the fridge at ten in the morning?

Anyway.

I have one more sign for you, and I like it very much:

Because we are all animals. ANIMALS!