Thursday, March 19, 2009

The Time That I Went and Joined The Facebook and Realized That People Have Way Too Much Free Time or Possibly Not Enough to Do at Work

Sigh.

I joined Facebook.

I'm sure that most of you are all, "WTF took you so long?" while the remaining few think I'm a total asshole. And you're all right. Double win! In the words of Sarah, "You're not cool enough to not be on Facebook." And she's probably right. I mean, I work with dinosaurs and I love The Food Network.

So let me set the story straight. Back in 2004 when I was happy and carefree and just finishing grad school, my friend Pippa (Pippa!!!) told me about The Facebook. It seemed cool, and I joined. I even had a few quick friends, because at the time it was only available to college people from the Ivies and the Big Ten. And Michigan is in the Big Ten. So it works out.

I joined, I logged in once, and then I forgot all about it. Years went by, and believe it or not... life was fine without The Facebook. I know, it's hard to understand this, but I swear that it's true. Life went on. Breezy!

But then! In what seemed like a matter of days, my DC friends started moving to New York and California and everywhere in between, and I even uprooted my meager existence back to the State of Glorious Unemployment. And I soon found that people? Don't love email so very much if they're not planning on seeing you that weekend or whatever. And so, in a moment of weakness, I reactivated my account on The Facebook.

I reconnected with a few choice friends, mostly from high school, and that alone honestly made it worth the effort. But lo, that is not all that The Facebook can do! Oh no, it is magical!

The Facebook allows me to learn what people are having for dinner. This is awesome because mundane details about other people are important for my continued happiness. I can also read about what President one would be (dibs on Millard Fillmore!). OR, I can find out where a person should be living depending on the answers to questions that s/he might answer.

WHAT DELIRIOUS FUN THIS ALL IS.

And I swear to Christ, those status updates make me want to punch myself in the throat. I get that they are supposed to be quirky and fun, but it seems to me that people should be trying harder. If I were more creative, I would totally be posting hilarious status updates about how I almost got stuck in the driveway again, or how I tripped on the stairs at work and almost bowled down an entire second grade class. Or how I went back to the grocery store three times in one day because apparently a shopping list is nothing more than a mere prop to me.

(Wow, I should be on Retard Facebook, eh?)

At the same time, I rarely get around to checking my page more than a few times a week, and I really only do so when I receive an email alert. And that seems to be working for me. This damn blog takes up enough of my time and creativity - I certainly don't need another venue for distraction. I have a hard enough time updating this thing regularly.

7 comments:

lem said...

I'm one of the remaining few.

Although, if you can figure out what president you would be that might make me join. Ok, not really, but it's nice that people might actually be learning something useful, like history, on Facebook.

Waayers said...

I'm with lem. All my friends are trying to peer pressure me into joining - "but *everyone* is doing it!" So far I have resisted. Now it's just become a matter of principle.

Heather said...

lem - I know. I searched for you and you were not there. Shane is the one who convinced me. "What's so bad about keeping your friends up-to-date about your life?"

waayers - That's how I was, too. And then I moved away. Maybe you'll cave eventually, but honestly - you're not missing much.

Mush said...

alright ALRIGHT!! I joined & I spend too much time on it. It does allow you to keep tabs on friends in distance places. But it does suck the time out of your day (wait, was I really doing anything worthwhile anyway?)

Heather said...

mush - Agreed. I have such a strong love/hate relationship with it.

Liza said...

Again...you are freaking hilarious and this blog makes me miss you!!!!!!

I never knew that God limited the number of "cool and f'ing" hilarious people in my life. But, I am going to be honest with you here, I am in a famine yo!

Heather said...

liza - Thanks, nerd! I was all about to be, "We need to hang out!" and then realized that you live in bumblefuck Virginia somewhere. It WILL happen, though.