Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Emily Has a BABY, You Guys

This is what he looks like:

This photo is titled, "Woe is me, as life is so hard!"

His name is Brian Arthur. He is adorablecakes. Arthur is Emily's dad's name and I can't tell you how much I love when people do that. It's such an amazing way to honor your family while giving longevity to a name. My dad is Mark Steven and my brother is Steven Mark. I love that. I don't know why.

Classic names really do stand the test of time, don't they? Fad names really don't grab me, but I can see why people want something different.

Like, I would love to use one of my grandmother's names if I ever have a daughter, but one was named Sylvia and the other was named Hedwig, and while classic in their own time, they feel like middle names to me now. But who knows? Maybe in a generation, we'll be back to 1920s names. Who is to know?

Anyway, I have known and loved my Emily for over twenty years and so I drove many, many miles to the edge of the universe (well, close to the edge of the state of Michigan, but it's pretty much the same thing with gas prices as high as they are), to see her brand new spawn. I mean, it seems like only yesterday that we were playing "Pin the Sperm on the Egg" at her baby shower, and now, poof! Baby!

(Yes, there is a game called that, and yes, we played it un-ironically.)

This photo is titled, "I am about to wake up and scream bloody murder until mom unleashes her boob, NOM NOM NOM."

I thought that upon holding the bundle of infant that I would have heart palpitations and my biological clock would jump start and I would feel incomplete without a child and I would want to go jump Mike's bones. Or clearly I would adopt one. Mike and I don't do that, Mom and Dad.

But my heart was happy... for Emily and Tim. I'm just not ready for children, and I don't know that I will ever be ready for children.

And lo, this post has suddenly revealed one of my existential life crises.

I am beyond lucky that my family isn't pressuring me to have children, though part of that might have something to do with the fact that my brother and sister-in-law have taken care of that for me (Yay, nieces! All of the fun and none of the work!). But at the same time, they are, in fact, pressuring me to get married, and let me tell you that I HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH THAT and there is SOMEONE ELSE THAT YOU'LL HAVE TO TALK TO ABOUT THAT SO LEAVE ME ALONE.


Anyway, this whole thing just illustrates that I am selfish and not at all ready for children, as I embarked upon this post planning on devoting it to my friend and her baby, and I pulled you all into my ridiculous internal crises instead and that, my friends, is why you do not want to be inside my head.


Look! The whole animal kingdom is procreating!
Is there something wrong with me?


Em said...

So you know I have this baby. He is pretty cute, but he takes up ALL of my time, so I haven't read your blog in forever. Yeah, I am a bad friend. But I love love love that there are pictures of said baby on this blog!! You are awesome and whether you create a devil (hehe) spawn (which if you did, I would call him "Beelz") or not, I will love you forever and you can just come over and play with B and then walk away... :)

Sarah said...

Don't worry, when we have lunch this week with my kids, you will be certain that you never want children ever.

Or maybe we will just eat the CHILDREN for lunch. That could work too.

Heather said...

em - Aw, thanks! I know that we dreamed of having kids at the same time and that our kids would be friends and we would go to the mall, but let's face it: we were ten, and ten year olds are idiots.

Heather said...

sarah - Oh come on, they can't be THAT bad! Can they?

I mean, I don't think that they could be bad enough to have to resort to cannibalism, but I've seen how loud my nieces can get...