I like movies.
Movies - well, good movies - have the ability to whisk you away and into a new, different world. And if not an alien world (because, let's face it - if we continue to allow George Lucas to make Star Wars films, eventually there will be a point of no return. And that point? A movie starring Jar Jar Binks. Oh, you don't think that it could happen? THE MAN CREATED THE WORST, MOST ANNOYING CHARACTER EVER TO GRACE THE SCREEN, AND WHEN SPIELBURG GETS WIND OF IT, THEY WILL SOMEHOW GET IT GREENLIT BECAUSE STUDIOS THINK THEY ARE BOX OFFICE MAGIC), then one similar enough to our own to be interesting. But not so similar that it's unsettling.
The other night, I had a plethora of films to choose from for my viewing pleasure. They all started at eight o'clock. Several came close to sparking my interest, some I'd seen, and others I owned on DVD.
And isn't that the dilemma? The age-old problem? If Matthew Broderick is all up on my screen in that sweater vest, I'll watch Ferris Bueller. Yeah, I'll watch his Day Off like I've never seen it before. I'll put down the remote no matter how far along it is - whether he's faking out his parents or leading a parade float down a Chicago street. I'll watch it even though I own it on both DVD and VHS.
(I still have a VCR. There, I said it. I haven't gotten around to replacing such classics as National Lampoon's Vacation ["The Wagon Queen Family Truckster. You think you hate it now, but wait till you drive it."] and Girls Just Want to Have Fun - starring a not-yet-so-horsey Sarah Jessica Parker, and I don't want to live in a world where I can't watch family road trips or sequined dance-offs at the drop of a hat.)
This particular night, however, there was a movie on TNT that I'd yet to see and always wanted to watch versus Clueless on Bravo. Normally, as I own Clueless, I would have flipped to Bravo and Alicia Silverstone. She's cute, she's funny, the late 90s fashion is so deliciously entertaining, and Paul Rudd. Yes, normally I would have switched to Bravo to make googly eyes at Paul Rudd, but apparently my brain took over.
And that, my friends, is the story of how I watched Steel Magnolias.
Sweet, merciful Jesus Christ in Heaven. What were the filmmakers TRYING TO DO? By the end, the heartbreaking, wrenching, I-must-be-masochistic end, I was blubbering like a little bitch.
This film ranks third on my all-time tearjerkers list. First? Titanic. I HYPERVENTILATED in the theater on that half day of school during my senior year. People were genuinely concerned for my lung capacity. Someone even offered to get me a paper bag. The second? Love Story. If you've seen it, well, you know. If not, well... Love means never having to say you're sorry for getting snot all over the couch from the heaving sobs.
Steel Magnolias, though. Hot damn. I'd always heard that it was "a bit" of a tearjerker, but I'd never heard that it was so damn laugh-out-loud funny! Shirley MacLaine delivered lines that made me guffaw so abruptly that I'm convinced the people across the street heard me (impressive, as their house is painted so loudly looks like it belongs on the Candyland gameboard and someone there has a drumset). I mean, her character's name was pronounced "Weezer," for crying out loud.
(It was spelled "Ouiser" for those keeping track.)
The premise of the film isn't that confusing: Louisiana ladies congregate at a beauty parlor, their lives entwined by marriage and small town roots. One is getting married, and has a colorful relationship with her mother due to her health issues, and I found this relationship to be the centerpiece of the entire film. They were snarky broads and extremely off-color and it was grand.
It's super sad and extremely predictable, but that's okay. It's meant to be a tearjerking nightmare of a chick flick, and any man forced to sit through it has my sympathy. Sure, Tom Skerritt has a role, and he's Viper for crying out loud, so he might save a few minutes for the guys, but really? It's the ultimate chick flick.
Right, so, Magnolias: sad and hilarious. Make the masochistic decision to watch it today!
8 comments:
Drum: Ouiser, can we call a truce long enough for me to get a piece of cake?
[Ouiser slices him the tail piece of an armadillo cake]
Drum: Aww, thanks Ouiser. Nothin' like a good piece of ass.
Titanic senior year.... I was concerned for your well being.
Steel is awesome.... "I just want to hit someboday.... here hit this"
Mom says watch Terms of Endearment.
megan - Exactly. I think that I need to get it on Netflix to see it in all its glory. But not watch the ending.
em - Titanic was bad news. Then I proceeded to see it twice more in the theater.
I've seen Terms of Endearment, and that just about gutted me. I don't know why I watch the sad movies when I KNOW THAT THEY ARE SAD.
"Does your dress have to go on over your head?" RR and I say that whenever we're afraid our hair might have gotten too big.
The summer between my junior and senior years in college, I watched Steel Magnolias every day. Every.Day. I don't know why I kept doing that to myself. Eventually I would just watch up until the sad part.
But now when I see the movie I think of that Washington Mutual commercial where the customer resolves to be more honest, and so when he's sitting around playing poker he says to the other men, "Have you guys seen 'Steel Magnolias'? I criiieed. . . So sad." And that cracks me up.
Ok, when I tried to find the commercial online (didn't succeed), people commenting on the commercial said the line was actually "I was bawling," not "I cried," and because I'm a nerd, I had to come back and point out that I was wrong.
jlr - NO! I have NOT seen that commercial! But now I will stop at nothing to see it.
But yes, on watching the same movie over and over and over again - I do that with the first Harry Potter movie. And Clue. Because, obviously.
"Go on! I'll be right behind you!"
"That's what I'm afraid of." :)
jlr - "I hated her so... much..."
This could go on for a while...
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