Technologically Retarded

I just read an article titled something like, "What Your Cell Phone Ring Says About You."

(I don't remember where I read it. It doesn't matter.)

Yeah, it was clearly a slow news day what with the war being over and scientists having cured all of the cancers and whatnot.

This article... I don't even know where to begin. In a nutshell, it argued that:

~If you have a personalized ring tone (i.e., popular music, school fight song, etc.), you are a super-cool, cutting-edge, techno-savvy individual.

~If you have a generic ring tone (i.e., the ring that comes pre-programmed), you are too busy to learn how to use your phone but are a mindless drone with no individuality.

~If you keep your phone on silent or vibrate, you are terrified to disturb others and have no idea how to use your phone or read the instruction manual and so are completely technologically retarded.

Um, what?

Hi!
Heather keeps me on vibrate because she's illiterate.

Instead of having whatever song Carson Daly favors on TRL blast out whenever my mother calls, I choose to keep my phone on vibrate. So apparently I am a grade-A moron with absolutely no individuality.

(Also, did MTV kill off Carson Daly? I don't know. I'm old.)

I abhor it when I hear some un-intelligible blast of cacophony erupt from someone's pocket. If I'm in a closed location, like the purple bus, I really have to take deep breaths to keep myself from shooting a death glare toward the phone's owner.

I mean, what the hell is so wrong about not wanting to disturb others? Cell phones have become such intimate parts of our lives that people no longer excuse themselves from the table (or even the restaurant as a whole) in order to take a call. Cell phones are answered in the movie theater, in meetings, and at the register to purchase items at the mall (except for here, of course). What is wrong with having cell phone etiquette?

I remember when call waiting was new - my family never had call waiting because we had a rotary phone until I was in high school. Yes, rotary. But I do remember my dad being placed on hold once because of call waiting and he was NOT amused. To this day I try to ignore incoming calls if I'm talking to him.

(They do have touch-tone now, but the caller ID is broken. Also, they're still with the dial-up internets. I'm working on it, trust me.)

Call waiting etiquette is tough, though. Do you beep over, tell the caller you'll catch them on the flip side, or do you ignore the call completely and just figure that s/he will leave a message if s/he cares enough? There's always a system, at least between female friends: If you're chatting it up with your friend - let's call her "Kristen" - and her psycho mother beeps in, well, that's an immediate IGNORE and the conversation continues. If it's the guy she met on the metro, don't be surprised if you get a "that'shimgottogoi'llcallyoulater!" instead of a formal goodbye. And it's all understood as acceptable behavior. Anthropologically speaking, that is.

But when in public, the cell phone ring? Should be silenced. End of story.

So I am not, in fact, a retarded loser because I choose to keep my phone silenced. I am smart! S-M-R-T! Also, considerate.

The moral of the story is: if you call and I don't answer, it's probably because I'm talking to my dad.