Sunday, July 18, 2010

I'm An Idiot, Part ONE MILLION

So I dropped a vase on my head.

You might ask yourself, "How would one do such a thing?" And I am here to tell you that it definitely wasn't planned. Does that make you feel better, or does that make you think that I am a bigger idiot than you already think?

So I was getting ready for work the other morning, and I had a few minutes before I had to leave to catch the bus. Because I have to get up before six a.m., I'm usually still dragging when I need to leave the house at seven. (A ha! Clue #1.)

And just because I should get up before six doesn't mean that I actually do. Which, again, just proves that I am a complete moron when it comes to planning my time.

Anyway, I didn't get out of bed until 6:35. (Clue #2.)

Lately I've been smart about setting out my work clothes the night before, but I hadn't actually done that this time because why would I? God. Most of my summer wardrobe was either strewn about on my window seat, folded nicely in bags that brought it to my house after its laundering at Mike's, or dirty (there are several places that dirty clothes have been kept lately, and that includes the floor, the bathroom, and the actual hamper). So as I rushed through a lightning quick shower, I mentally prepared an outfit in my head, NOT KNOWING if it was clean or available or, most importantly, FINDABLE. (Clue #3.)

I got out of the shower and proceeded to run around like a banshee. As I was combing out my hair, I was trying to find a bra. As I brushed my teeth, I was trying to pack something for breakfast. As I was drying my hair, I was trying to put on a skirt. It was ridiculous.

I should also mention that I have this cute piece of furniture in my bathroom. Because it's an older house, there is no storage in the bathroom. I found an old nightstand at a garage sale last summer and it works perfectly. And so there, right on top, is where I have a little glass that holds my makeup brushes and a larger, heavier vase that holds my hair brushes and comb. (Clue #4.)

I was actually doing okay with time and decided that "Today can be a day that I actually wear makeup, yay!" and started applying mascara. I don't know how, but I somehow knocked into the nightstand and heard something small fall off the surface. I figured that it was a bobby pin and finished getting pretty (for once).

I was ready to go! On time! And all that I had left to do was to grab some jewelry and zip out the door! I keep my everyday jewelry on my dresser in a little ceramic bowl, and yet, my ring was not there.

Where do you think it was?

Knowing that I had to free my ring from dust-bunny doom and catch the bus on time, I ran to the bathroom, plopped to the floor, and attempted to slide the nightstand away from the wall.

"Hmmm... this fucking thing is heavy with actual stuff in it. I had better just give it a shove regardless of what is on top!"

And that's how the square, heavy vase fell on my head and then on my arm, making me cry and convincing me that I had a concussion and was going to die if I fell asleep.

I still caught the bus. Be proud.


Em said...

Well, you were due for a concussion. It has been almost a year since you fell on your head at my reception...... just saying. :)

lem said...

I dropped a motion picture film can (they weigh a lot) on my head a few weeks ago because rather than finding a ladder I decided it would be a good idea to stand on the bottom shelf and stretch as far as I could to the top shelf to pull out the bottom can from a stack of about 5. This was not one of my finest moments. Does my story of stupidity make you feel any better?

Heather said...

em - That's true. Good times.

lem - Yes, yes it does. I climb on shelves all the time, and very rarely do I come out of the situations unscathed.