Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Revisiting My Insanity

As I reached for a paperclip at work today, I could only find a massive clip, which annoyed me to no end. Then I realized that I had already written about paperclips, which just makes me laugh. I've written an entire blog post about paperclips and my insane prejudices against some of them.

I figured that I would revisit that post now, because it is too awesome to forget.

Originally posted on 2/27/06:


After receiving over 200 internship applications for the summer, I've learned a great deal about Microsoft Access, the copy machine, and the applicants themselves who just WON'T. STOP. CALLING about their applications. "Have my reference letters arrived?" "Have my transcripts arrived?" "Did it arrive on time?" "Did I remember to sign it?" "Did I use enough staples?" (answer: Never! You can never use too many staples! Interns apparently LOVE staples, staplers, and any device that will adhere as many staples as possible to their required five complete copies. My hand hurts from using my trusty staple remover to extract them from each packet). Did I use the best, most unique paperclips?

And that's where the contest begins...

(FYI - This gets scary. Not just the content - that alone is terrifying. It's scary because it shows how completely insane I am. You have been warned).

If you sent in an application with any of these "paperclips," I would disqualify you if at all possible. I hate these paperclips. They're huge! And some are rusty and scary! It's bad enough that I could get anthrax from the hundreds of envelopes I opened - I could get tetanus! There exists a mini version of these clamp-like things, which I adore, but I didn't receive any applications with those :(

These are nice. Small, free of rust, and sometimes colorful, these paperclips make an application desirable. Ah...

You can't tell from the picture, but these are large paperclips. I HATE these. Some of the silver ones are grooved and they tear the hell out of your carefully constructed application. Too late - your application sucks!

I don't know what the hell this is. Scary!

These. I don't know what these are. They were almost impossible to pry off of the applications and left the paper bent and ugly. Ew!

Check out this rogue mini paperclip! It's blurry, but you can see the amazing pattern. Green and white striped! Your application goes in the "maybe" pile!

Let's take a look at all of them together. So many emotions...


Now, the paperclips below are awesome. I've never seen anything like them. These applicants win everything! Yay!

Have you ever seen any paperclips as cool as these? That regular-looking one in the back is special because it is extremely tiny. I LOVE the tiny paperclips. These are all perfection.

See? I told you I was INSANE.

(Though I am insane, rest easy. I actually have very little say in accepting interns. I review each applicant's interests and experience to see with which staff member s/he would best fit, and I'm not allowed to throw away the stupid applications, i.e., the high school students who didn't read the internship description that says UNDERGRADUATE SENIOR OR GRADUATE STUDENT).


mush said...

You really like the tiny ones, hmmm. some affinity?

Sarah said...

This post is made of win. Mostly because I have the same issues.

Heather said...

mush - Obviously! The tiny ones know what it's like to be underdogs!

sarah - Ha ha, thanks! And I didn't know that you had paperclip insanity. I guess it's not something people like to discuss - like religion or politics.

mush said...

Hurray! Underdogs!

lem said...

Ahh, the memories. I remember when I first read that post. It is just as good years later!

Heather said...

mush - Exactly!

lem - Thanks :)

lem said...

Did you know that the all metal clip in the picture with the binder clip is called a bulldog clip? http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bulldog_clip
Awesome name, no?

I discovered this on my quest to find out the name of the satan clips, which you do not have a picture of. http://www.wikipatents.com/us/5806147.png
It is on the left. Similar to a binder clip, only it tries to take your nail off. If you came across these I imagine they would be in your "disqualify" stack.

Heather said...

lem - That is a good name for those evil, horrible things.

They would totally be disqualified. Scary!!!