That is, unless it's 6 in the morning and everyone gets out of bed all cranky-pants like.
My flight was at 7:06 in the AM. In the AM! I was flying on a one-way ticket from Detroit to DC, and was assuming that I would get flagged and searched. So I decided that going to sleep Saturday night was for wussies and stayed up and made the most of my friends. Got to Detroit Metro at 5:30, breezed through security, got some lovely green tea, and headed toward my gate.
Everything is just fine. Just fine! I board the plane, and once at my seat, I realized that I had the entire row to myself! Always a fabulous discovery. So I have my crap spread out all over the seat next to me, trying to finish my taxes, and here comes a Land Monster of a woman...
I know that this story would be funnier if she plopped down next to me, squishing my papers and hand in the process, but I have to be honest and tell you that she parked that magnificent ass one row up and over. And then proceded to open the world's largest bag of breakfast food from McDonald's. So much greasy food. And you can imagine how the smell took over the plane immediately. Like sideways gophers, heads start popping into the aisle trying to locate the asshat who brought the Egg McFuckingMuffins onto the plane. McDonald's breakfasts usually make me want to vomit, but not that morning. I was calculating a plan to try to get her forced off the plane. Then I could steal the jumbo bag of cholesterol-ly goodness and perhaps share it with the cute guy in front of me.
But alas. No grease bombs for me that day. But I did get a super duper granola bar from the flight attendant! Wow, thanks! This is exactly the same! I wonder if Flabby McDumpTruck asked for a granola bar...
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