Land Monster

Okay, I know, I know, I know that this isn't nice. I know. But here it is anyway:

So I have to take something down to the Office of Contracting. A few
floors down. This woman sees me coming toward the elevators. I
smile. She gets in and doesn't hold it. I stick my arm in, but it
doesn't sense it. I am literally pushing the two doors apart with
both arms. She does nothing. I finally pry the doors open. This is
what she says, "The doors aren't supposed to do that."

Are you sure? How about if you had held the elevator for me like you
were supposed to, I wouldn't have come so close to losing my arms.

So I was like, "Yeah, it never senses me. Maybe I'm just too thin."

And she was a land monster. So it was funny.