7th Perfection, Apparently

I never really watched 7th Heaven. I understand that it is a nice family show that lots and lots of people love, but it was always too sugary and unrealistic for me (says the girl who loves a show about six friends living in huge apartments in NYC and never working more than a day a week). Not that I want to see conflict all of the time, but their dog's name was Happy, for crying out loud.

K-10 loved to hate it and I watched it with her sometimes (or she watched it in Ann Arbor and I watched it in DC), just so we could be snarky about it. It wasn't as fun as watching Scrubs together and calling each other during the commercial breaks, but hey - what is? Now that she's in London, she's missed out on the snarkfests. So I watched the end of the series finale tonight just to report to her. Here's the email I sent just a few minutes ago (she'll get it in a few hours when she wakes up and I hope that it makes her laugh):

Okay, I didn't watch the whole thing. I was flipping back and forth because there is no way I could have watched the whole thing and lived to tell the tale. I wanted to call you so bad though. I was literally SCREAMING at my tv because it was so asinine.

Simon didn't get married. I don't know why. Then Haylie Duff showed up with a baby and said, "We should talk." Is it his? I don't care.

Matt and wife showed up. They will be graduating from med school the next morning. But they showed up for the wedding and tried to keep it a secret. They couldn't. I'm just going to assume that Ruthie fucked it up or something. I don't care.

Carlos showed up. He and Mary are back together. But she's still in New York. Why? I don't care.

At the end, Matt and wife announce that they are pregnant and are having twin boys.

Lucy and Kevin announce that they are also having twin boys.

Carlos announces that he and Mary are having twin girls.

I AM NOT MAKING THIS UP.

And the whole time, the parents are registering absolutely NO EMOTIONS except forced smiles. It was unreal. The woman that plays the mother is one of the worst actresses EVER.

I am so angry that TWOP isn't recapping it anymore, because I can't even imagine how amazing that recap would be.

Did anyone else actually watch it? Was this ending the stupidest series finale ever, or can you think of one that was even more contrived? Discuss.