The Boyfriend

1. He's sitting in front of the TV: What is on the screen? ESPN.

2. You're out to eat. What kind of dressing does he get on his salad? Balsamic vinaigrette.

3. What is one food he doesn't like? JUST one? Onions. Which breaks my heart. But there are many, many others.

4. You go out to the bar. What does he order? Glenlivet. Rocks.

5. Where did he go to high school? Catholic Central High School.

6. What size shoe does he wear? Nine and a half

7. If he was to collect anything, what would it be? Really, really, really good scotch.

8. What is his favorite type of sandwich? I've never seen him eat a traditional sandwich, but he really likes the Cuban Hero at Red Hawk.

9. What would he eat every day if he could? Cedar plank salmon.

10. What is his favorite cereal? Cinnamon Toast Crunch.

11. What would he never wear outdoors? Shorts. 

12. What is his favorite sports team? The Detroit Red Wings, Detroit Tigers, and Michigan Wolverines.

13. Who is his best friend? Me.

14. What is something you do that he wishes you wouldn’t do? Show up late.

15. How many states has he lived in? One - Michigan.

16. What is his heritage? Polish. Like me!

17. You bake him a cake for his birthday; what kind? He won't eat cake, but I will. So I would make him a yellow cake with chocolate frosting. That's my favorite.

18. Did he play sports in high school? He was a diver.

19. What could he spend hours doing? Playing golf.

Dear Mother Nature,

FUCK OFF.

I Shouldn't Be Allowed to Do Anything, Ever

Remember how I am a moron and shouldn't be allowed to own expensive things?  Here's a refresher.

I knocked my laptop off of the table and busted the screen.  It still works, but only when connected to a different monitor.  Classy.

I think that it looks like a bird.

The driver's side mirror has been knocked off of my car MORE THAN ONCE, and I am now on my third replacement mirror. The passenger's side mirror has also seen some action.

Objects in mirror may appear to be... cut in half.

I scratched the side of my car while backing into a parking spot in the garage at work, mostly because there were people waiting and I felt rushed.

That is why I can't have nice things.

Anyway, Mike loves me anyway, and rewarded my ineptitude with a new laptop!

Obsession

I've always loved puzzles.  I don't mean jigsaw puzzles, though I adore those, but crosswords, word searches, logic puzzles, sudokus, whatever the hell you can think of - I love them.

I have two months of magazines to get through and a pile of books.  A messy pile of clean sheets and pillowcases has been sitting on the bench at the foot of the bed for weeks because I just can't be fucked to fold them.  Not when there are puzzles to complete!  

(Besides, folding sheets is the FUCKING WORST.)

I really wanted to get me some of those fill-in puzzles, but I couldn't find them anywhere.  So I did what any rational human being would do: I ordered a set of sixteen books.

Yes, I Need ALL THE THINGS

I am on the prowl for a new work bag.  Let me rephrase:  For my entire working career, I have been on the prowl for a new work bag.  The perfect work bag. 

There are many things that must be considered when approving said bag, and there is a long checklist of qualities that must be present:

1. Must have long handles, to allow me to fling it over my shoulder, but not be so long that it hits the ground when I hold it to my side.

2. Must have several interior pockets and dividers.

3. Must have a special place for cell phone.

4. Must be cute. Birds optional, but desired.

5. Must accommodate an umbrella and a water bottle.

Now, one would think that this would be an easy task.  An easy find.  Alas.

There have been many that seem to fit the bill, but I have yet to find perfection.

The bag on the left is my current go-to, but it's too bulky.  The bag on the right is adorable, but has no compartments and isn't wide enough to fit a folder.

Additionally, I carry so much crap around with me that it's just stupid.  I blame this on my years living in DC, where I took tons of stuff with me when I left the house each morning because I rarely knew how soon I would return.  That's also where the umbrella requirement comes from - when I walked everywhere and took public transportation, being stuck without an umbrella was pretty much the worst thing that could happen.

Things I carry around on a daily basis:

keys, wallet, phone, chapstick

tea bags, gum, snacks, candy, almonds

pens, umbrella, personal care pouch-y thing

planner, book, water bottle, coffee cup sleeves

This doesn't look like much, but there are a good number of things missing, including the umbrella.  Way too many things, really.  So having a bunch of compartments is important to me - having to deal with a tote bag with its undisciplined cacophony of things would drive me to drink. 

And I really wish that this thing didn't intrigue me, because it is so ugly and tacky, but it does:

Oh, and in case you were wondering - yes, that is a potato chip candy bar in the photo above.  And yes, it is as incredible as it sounds.

PORK, Bitches

I was at the grocery store, perusing the meat - as you do - and I came across a pork tenderloin.  I have never made one of these bad boys before, and since I had also never purchased one, I have no idea if I got a deal or not. It found its way into my cart

I found a ton of recipes online, but the one I went with was... a Paula Deen recipe.

I KNOW.  I am as shocked as you are.

There was a cream cheese portion of the recipe that I ignored, because it sounded gross.  Also, I don't like cream cheese, so it would have been awkward.

The pictures are weird and the sauce looks gross.  I KNOW.  But I am not kidding when I tell you that this recipe was incredible.