So I got my latest issue of National Geographic in the mail yesterday and glanced at it quickly to see if there was an article about dinosaurs, upon which I would read it immediately. Obviously. Unfortunately there was not, but there was an article on "The World's Rapiest Cat."
(Also, here is what the "World's Rarest Cat" looks like, in case you were wondering:
My guess is that if he were to be in fewer kung fu movies, he wouldn't be as rare. Because even if he was a powerful fighter, he would still be but a cat.)
Anyway, I was relieved that the cat was the "rarest" and not the "rapiest," because though I don't want to think of cats as rapists, sometimes you do have to wonder about the animal kingdom. I mean, have you seen video of elephants? Male elephants? I mean, that shit's scary.
Wait, I seem to be getting into a weird area here.
Forget about the elephants. Rapey cats, now, those are difficult to ignore. You just don't know what they're thinking. They might just get all rapey all of a sudden, and you would have no way of preparing. We have no way of knowing. CATS DON'T TALK.
God. The whole point of this insane narrative is that I think that I have some form of disorder where I read words incorrectly. Like, ALL OF THE TIME. Part of it is that I read too quickly, scanning groups of words rather than reading one word at a time, so I can sort of see how I could mistake one word for another.
And the weird thing is that, more than anything else, I see dirty words instead of normal words. "Rapiest" is clearly a dirty word, but what about seeing "public," but without the "L?" Or "sex" instead of "six?"Or "naked" instead of "building?"
I think I'm messed up.