Monday, May 03, 2010

I'm Really Not Sure How to Title This Post, But I've Definitely Added the 'I'm An Idiot' Label

So I got my latest issue of National Geographic in the mail yesterday and glanced at it quickly to see if there was an article about dinosaurs, upon which I would read it immediately. Obviously. Unfortunately there was not, but there was an article on "The World's Rapiest Cat."

No, wait. That's "The World's Rarest Cat." Hmm.

(Also, here is what the "World's Rarest Cat" looks like, in case you were wondering:

My guess is that if he were to be in fewer kung fu movies, he wouldn't be as rare. Because even if he was a powerful fighter, he would still be but a cat.)

Anyway, I was relieved that the cat was the "rarest" and not the "rapiest," because though I don't want to think of cats as rapists, sometimes you do have to wonder about the animal kingdom. I mean, have you seen video of elephants? Male elephants? I mean, that shit's scary.

Wait, I seem to be getting into a weird area here.

Forget about the elephants. Rapey cats, now, those are difficult to ignore. You just don't know what they're thinking. They might just get all rapey all of a sudden, and you would have no way of preparing. We have no way of knowing. CATS DON'T TALK.

God. The whole point of this insane narrative is that I think that I have some form of disorder where I read words incorrectly. Like, ALL OF THE TIME. Part of it is that I read too quickly, scanning groups of words rather than reading one word at a time, so I can sort of see how I could mistake one word for another.

And the weird thing is that, more than anything else, I see dirty words instead of normal words. "Rapiest" is clearly a dirty word, but what about seeing "public," but without the "L?" Or "sex" instead of "six?"Or "naked" instead of "building?"

I think I'm messed up.


lem said...

There was a post recently on my professional listserv about mistyping things. The man worked for an organization with the word Public in it. You see where this is headed. He said that it was very embarrassing to realize that he had sent an email with that typo in his signature line.

Heather said...

lem - Well, I'm glad to hear that I'm not alone. I do wonder about myself sometimes. I have much better examples than the ones I listed, but I never remember to write them down...

mush said...

That kind of thing happens to everybody. You're not weird, you're human! Unless you think humans are weird, then you are!

Heather said...

mush - Thank you. I know that I am not alone in most of my insanities, but I really thought that was the exception.