Sigh...

I did not win millions at the casino. I did watch Mike play poker, and it was hot.

I also managed to hold on to a little money. And I do mean little:

I am amazing at games of chance. Really, take me to the casino with you and let me gamble with your money. I will leave you destitute. It will be fun!

Entering the main casino floor was both intimidating and painful. Intimidating because it was loud, smoky, and obnoxiously bright. Painful because I slipped on the stupid stone tiles and bruised my knee. It's still really gross, in case you were wondering.

I seriously had no idea what to do or where to start. I'm sure that had I stared at the machines long enough, I would have eventually figured them out, but I was completely overwhelmed by the whole situation. Though he'd never played the slots, Mike got me started at the nickel slots, and we blew through twenty bucks pretty quickly. We were playing some bizarre game that required that we choose lines of pictures or something and then some would match and some wouldn't and sometimes we'd win and sometimes we wouldn't and nothing made sense and after losing fifteen dollars, I was all, "Fuck this stupid game, it makes no sense, and I am seven seconds away from punching it in the nuts. Show me to a poker machine where I actually understand the rules."

I played a poker slot machine for a bit before abandoning my seat to watch Mike play real poker. It was pretty sweet. I spent half the time watching him and the other half completely enthralled by the various dealers. One dealer was this bad ass chick who didn't put up with the crazy drunkies and their swearing, and she handled the cards and chips with an expert touch. I watched Mike play through several dealers, and she was by far the coolest.

Mother's Day weekend ruined our dinner plans, as every casino restaurant was booked solid. With little to choose from in the vicinity, and because of me and my desire to avoid chain restaurants, we left Lone Star's parking lot and headed across the street to the something something Grill.

The verdict? I am no longer allowed to choose restaurants, as it ended up being the restaurant located in the Best Western hotel. It was as amazing as you can imagine. Mike enjoyed his chicken fingers, but I thoroughly detested the Asian Chicken salad that I reluctantly ordered. Why didn't I just settle on Lone Star? Mmmm... steak.

We returned to the casino, stopping for Coke on the way (apparently the casino was Pepsi-sponsored, from the bar to the casino floor to the hotel vending machines, which irritated me to no end). Mike played more poker, and I started to do pretty well on the quarter poker machines.

And then? All of a sudden? I was not doing so well, and my efforts resulted in the voucher you saw above. I went to find Mike, and happily realized that he was as exhausted as me.

It was midnight - which is way past our bedtime, by the way, because we are senior citizens (and apparently more senior citizeny than half of the predominately elderly gamblers at the casino, as it was still packed with walkers and oxygen machines when we left) - we headed back to the room. Well, we almost got there before I realized that I was pretty hungry after hating my dinner salad, so we stopped at the snack bar. I got a chili dog and water, and let me tell you something about that chili dog. It was seriously amazing.

And then I spotted the Holy Grail of midnight munching:

Reese's Peanut Butter Cup Pie! Where have you been since high school? I used to LOVE these things, and the only place that had them was Burger King. And then stupid Burger King stopped selling them and lo, it was a sad day. But that night at the casino, it was there, I ate it, and it was delicious.

Anyway, it sounds like I did a lot of complaining, but really? I had a blast. I just liked being away with my sweetheart and I loved that he had a blast at the poker tables. I would totally go back - as long as I have someone else's money to lose. I can see how people get addicted - it was so easy to play just one more hand.