Reflections

Ah, Mount Fuji. Lovely, tranquil.

When is the last time you looked at yourself? I mean, really stopped to examine who you are? I've been doing a lot of stopping lately - call it soul-searching, examining, wondering, whatever. You never really know when you're going to start a journey of self-discovery, and I suppose you have to be ready to uncover things about yourself that you aren't all that proud of. I unearthed some things about myself, and for the most part, I'm happy with who I am. But I know that I have a long way to go to becoming the person who I'm meant to be.

I love that I am a passionate person. I cry at movies (okay, almost all movies, some TV shows, and a few commercials here and there), I believe in my work, I let music guide me, and I love when the guy gets the girl. When I feel strongly about something, I want people to feel as I feel. But being passionate has its drawbacks, too. I tend to assume that things should be perfect. They're not. Neither are people. It's ridiculous to think that everything is going to end up exactly as you planned. Maybe once in a while, things end up just great. Just peachy. But you know that there were variations, you know that something went wrong before something better went right. Learning to accept that is something that I know I need to work on.

I love that I worked my ass off to get where I am. Sure, school was tough, but I made a few amazing friends - friends that are spread out all over the place. Moving to DC was ballsy, especially not knowing anyone. And yes, I work for one of the most famous institutions in the world. Things are good, right? You'd think. I'm getting to be too complacent. I'm starting to wonder what else is out there. What am I really accomplishing from 8-5:30 every day? Taking risks has never been something that I've been all about, but I have definitely come to the realization that making things happen for yourself is just as big of a risk as not doing anything at all. Michigan, I'm coming back. I hope you're ready.

I am waaaay too serious sometimes. Man, you should have seen me in high school. You think that I'm uptight now? Good LORD. I've always been petite, but I had glasses and braces (and several other fantastic torture devices from my orthodontist. Wow, did I despise him) to boot. Oh, and I think that my forehead is ginormous. I grew up as the butt of jokes, starting in elementary school. Short jokes, forehead jokes (my favorite was being called Steven Seagal in sixth grade. GET IT?), braces jokes, etc. I soon built up a defense. Well, what I thought was a defense. Being a kid hurts, and I got angry. Now? I wish I hadn't worn my emotions on my sleeve as much. I got so defensive, it's all I really knew. And I think that I got mean. The worst result of this was that I had a hard time learning how to take a joke. That has really followed me to this day. Taking things so damn seriously impacts everyone around me. And really - isn't life too short for that?

Patience. Here's a big one. I am so NOT the poster child for patience. Add that one to the list.

But I like so many other things about myself. I love unconditionally, without question. I trust people. I try to treasure each moment. I believe in people - I really think that most people will come through for you in the end. And I believe in myself. I know that I have a lot to give and I want to make people happy. I want people to be proud of me. I want to be proud of myself.