Destruction!

With 40-mph winds today, I definitely had trouble walking. But I didn't anticipate coming home to this:

The tree to the right (covered in ivy) is super tall and apparently very brittle. It splintered and rained down upon our back porch. Here's a closer look:

Took me twenty minutes to clean it all up. And to top it all off, one of the monster branches broke one of the planks in the porch and I almost got stuck. If my feet were even slightly larger... Well, I wouldn't have to wear children's shoes if that were the case...

To seal the deal on a not-so-perfect day, the Orkin man cancelled on us and we have to wait another two days for him to come and find the rotting mouse (or rat - oh, I hope not!) trapped somewhere in our bathroom. I suspect it's under the under-the-sink cabinets and if I had a crow bar, I would have checked for myself. The smell is horrifying. Thank goodness my guests aren't coming until... oh, wait. They're coming tomorrow! Well, EmFace and Adam, I hope you like the smell of death! Welcome to DC!

F the F Off

K-10's job sucks, but luckily she'll be starting grad school in the fall (congratulations again, sloot!). We decided that she should spend as much if not more time writing her letter of resignation than she spent on her essay for King's College. Here's what I came up with (the craptastic formatting is thanks to gmail chat - I can't fix it without retyping the entire thing, and frankly, I don't feel like it):

Um, Hi. Remember me? I'm K-10. I do more work than you'll ever imagine. I do whatever I'm told and I never get a break. I interview people to work above me, I don't get raises, and I have to do everyone's shopping. So, I hope that you have a great time finding the twelve people to replace me, because that's the amount of work that I do. The work of twelve people! I wouldn't say it if it wasn't true. F off. F the f off! Bye!


I don't know why, but "f the f off" made us laugh like idiots.

Polite = Free! I think...

A month or so ago, I was waiting in a fairly long line at the Chinatown Chipotle. The line really didn't matter - I had been thinking about my veggie burrito all morning while wasting away at work. So there I am, lah di dah, waiting. I get up to the front, order my stuff ("extra rice, please!"), and about halfway down the assembly line (I am so a Detroit girl), this Manager-type guy says,

"Hello! Thank you for coming in today!"

Now, I don't know what I said in return. I'm sure I said hello. I know I said something about guacamole (because, YUM), but I don't know what else. I think that I might have said the magic word he was waiting for, because when I made it to the register and got my cup to fuel my Coke addiction, the cashier said, "Thanks for coming in today!" as he handed me my bag o' burrito.

"How much?" I asked.

"It's on us today!" he chirped back at me.

"No, no... that's okay." as I push my money toward him.

Manager-type guy comes over and says, "I've got it today. You can pay next time."

"...Okay. Thanks!" I backed away slowly a few steps before finally turning around.

What did I say or do? I mean, I always make it a point to be polite in restaurants of any kind - I see no reason for why people can't be nice. Hell, I even say "please" and "thank you" in the McDonald's drive-thru. Was this a reward for being nice? Or was I just the one hundredth person in line?


I guess it wasn't such a surprise - I chalked it up to good luck and good timing. But I went to Chipotle this past Tuesday night - after working an hour later than usual - and the line was a little longer than I expected because a Wizards game started in a half hour. So I jumped in the line, busied myself with texting, and slowly made my way to the front of the line.

Halfway down the assembly line, who do I see? Manager-type Guy. He smiles.

"Thanks for visiting us again!" he exclaimed perkily.

"Yeah!" I can't believe he remembers me.

He nods something to the cashier. I SWEAR.

I stepped up to pay, and the exact same thing happens.

"Hi, good to see you!" (He apparently remembers me too) . "Thanks for coming in today! It's on us!" Same cashier.

"Really? Thanks!"

And I left.

I love Chipotle. Don't you?

~ ~ ~

Another good story involves me and the smoothie stand in Union Station's Food Court. I love their smoothies. Fresh strawberries with strawberry frozen yogurt. Sometimes I get bananas, too. YUM. The owner knows me - I get one at least twice a week. He now gives me an orange with each smoothie.

That probably has more to do with being a repeat customer than having good timing. But I'll take it!

Verbatim, part 2

Another amazing email (someone had responded to him about financial aid or something, and this is his response):

Hullo thank you for your correspondence you give me, but what i need from you is that, l am a male , 22years old from Uganda, Africa, who need to fall in relationships with a white lady from either Europe or america plus canada. i need help from you to solve that issue either to give me does email addresses and i contact them or if you have other ways to get them,i need your help. Thanks
yours
semanda.

Verbatim

This is, word for word, what someone sent to the work email account last night. It's pretty sweet:

"Any girl scout can graduate from scythe over corporation, but it takes a real toothpick to living with ocean.If stalactite beyond host living with ski lodge, then briar patch around sandwich hides.Furthermore, defined by fire hydrant dies, and for satellite conquer chain saw beyond food stamp."

Ah, philosophy. I hope that he/she applies for an internship.