Thursday, May 10, 2012

My Neighbors Are Assholes

Dear Neighbors,

Let me tell you a little story about wild animals.  They are WILD.  

Granted, you aren't as bad as those other neighbors - you know, the ones we could hear through the walls? Fighting and screaming and swearing all the live-long day?  Letting their toddler waltz about outside in a shirt and a diaper - no pants, socks, or shoes?  IN NOVEMBER?

You're not that bad.

But stop feeding the raccoons!  Stop it!  

"This is to show you how cute and non-menacing I am.
Is it working?
It's working, isn't it?"

But basically, you need to stop feeding them because they have come to see you as a resource.  They might not be looking for food on their own anymore.  And now that they know that they have a steady food source, they have raised their babies here!

"It's 6:02.  They're late with the hot dog buns."



lem said...

So when you said "we could hear through the walls"...I was thinking something else.

Heather said...

lem - No, luckily we didn't hear anything like that. It was much, much worse. You should have heard the hatred that they would spew at their children. It was horrible. I almost called CPS.