Performing My Civic Duty Would Be a Lot More Fun if Other People Weren't So Annoying

That's what my dad said about voting. "It's your civic duty, Heather."

When I left my house this morning, I was excited to vote. "Yay voting! Yay democracy!" The only time I had voted at an actual polling place was sometime in college. I was still registered in my hometown and I drove the forty minutes home to vote for City Council or something. They still had the old voting machines in use, with the little levers and the big lever and it made an awesome, satisfying sound when you committed all of your choices to memory.

My polling place here in Ann Arbor is at an elementary school about a block from my house. It's on my way to work and it's very convenient. I got up in a timely matter, got ready, and left at 7:40.

I took notes. It wasn't exactly liveblogging, but it was something. It also kept me occupied.

7:46 - Okay, I'm in line. I'm only around the corner from the entrance to the school. This won't take that long. The air is crisp and nice and what a lovely day!

7:58 - It's been twelve minutes. I'm already regretting my apparel choices today - short sleeve shirt, trousers, and a light trench? I know that the high is supposed to be close to 70 degrees today, but it's only in the low fifties right now. Where is the GD sun?

8:02 - Yay! The line just moved! Of course, we all had to wait patiently for the woman two spots ahead of me to collect her various bags, stand up, fold up her chair, and move along. The guy between us almost got his head chewed off when he put a single step ahead of her. I sort of wish that she had killed him. He's been on his phone since I queued behind him and I don't care about his new website, I just don't. I'm about to lose it.

8:03 - I am freezing and I think my toes have gone numb.

8:04 - Holy shit! We just moved ten whole sidewalk squares!

8:05 - I just noticed that the annoying guy in front of me never removed the price tag from his messenger bag. I don't know why, but this angers me greatly.

8:16 - A man just directed the latter half of the alphabet to a different, shorter line. Someone shouted, "By last name?" No, genius, by your first name.

8:20 - WE ARE INSIDE THE SCHOOL. Oh man, we're close! We have to be close! And it's warm. Ahhhhh...

8:22 - People are critiquing the elementary children's artwork. Seriously. Shut up.

8:27 - There are chairs lining the walls in here, and yet crazy chair lady is one hundred percent committed to her chair. We move - just a little - every few minutes or so, and every. single. time, we have to watch her collect her things, pick herself up, fold up the fucking chair, and move three steps. And then she unfolds the chair, plops down, and deposits her belongings around her.

8:29 - The L-Z line rules! We are practically lapping A-K, and we have more of the alphabet. Get WORKED, A-K!

8:39 - You know, I am excited about this election and all, it's historic and blah blahderdy blah, but I am sort of looking forward to the day when we can just send our thoughts to a polling place and vote that way. Not having to smell our fellow citizens would be a very positive step for democracy.

9:00 - HOW AM I STILL HERE?

9:03 - I officially hate democracy. And I really, really hate the bag tag guy in front of me. He has not stopped talking, oh my God.

9:05 - Crazy Chair Lady has just picked a fight with Annoying Bag Tag Guy. She just said that she doesn't trust these voting machines and doesn't think that they will accurately count her vote. ABTG just mentioned that voting online will soon become the norm.

"I can't believe you just said that! I will NEVER vote online! I know what would happen - someone would pretend to be me! My vote won't matter!"

ABGT just asked her if she buys things online.

"Of course I do."

ABGT: "And you trust that system?"

CCL: "THAT'S DIFFERENT."

The girl in front of CCL just butted in to say, "Hey! Did you guys know that Starbucks is giving away free coffee to voters today?" ABTG responded that he'll head there from the polling site.

WRONG ANSWER.

CCL: "You would go to that horrible chain and not go to the local coffeehouse right across the street?"

ABTG: "Well, are they giving away free coffee?"

CCL: "No, but it's a local business!"

ABTG: "I like free stuff. I'm a starving grad student."

CCL: "WELL YOU DON'T LOOK LIKE YOU'RE STARVING! I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT YOU REFUSE TO SUPPORT YOUR LOCAL BUSINESSES! THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT'S WRONG WITH THIS COUNTRY, AND YOU'RE MAKING IT WORSE."

Everyone in earshot: "Sigh."

9:09 - We have entered the gym and I am this close to getting my ballot. The end is near!

9:15 - Waiting, waiting, waiting...

9:27 - I've voted (!) and am waiting to put the giant scantron ballot into the giant scantron ballot recording machine. There's... a delay. One woman had two ballots stuck together and thus voted on the front of one ballot and the back of another. For some reason, everyone thinks that arguing about it in front of the fucking scantron machine is the solution. My God, MOVE.

9:35 - I have escaped! I have voted and I am free!

I am free, though, and I suppose that's the point here. There are many people in this world who are not this lucky. They aren't able to vote because of an autocracy or because they are women or because they are of the wrong class.

I have a vote. I have a voice.

And now I have a sticker.