Tuesday, April 10, 2012

I Am Terrible At Laundry

I am terrible at laundry.  I mean, I know enough to separate clothes by color, because if I washed all whites with that lone red sock, I would just be way too cliche to even write about.  And I've actually never done that. Surprisingly.

No, I am terrible at remembering that I am doing laundry.  I don't know how many times Mike has walked past the washing machine and asked if I meant to leave the lid open.  For two hours.

My parents' old washer let you leave the lid open and it would begin the cycle with no problems.  I always thought that it was fun to watch as different items of clothes would get slowly sucked underwater, and I would sometimes save small things like socks so that I could add them one by one and watch them slowly drown.

That's normal, right?

But today, I remembered to add soap and close the washer lid.  I remembered to move the clean clothes to the dryer.  I remembered to add a dryer sheet, and I remembered to turn on the machine.

But apparently, I did not remember to check pockets.

Not only did I wash my super sweet pedometer - which is now broken and I will never again know how many steps I took in a given day - but I washed an unused feminine product.  The results were... so weird.


And then, I started seeing this weird, clear... goo all over the clothes.  I don't know what else to call it.  It was sort of like a bunch of mini insect eggs or something, but that thought caused me to dry-heave, so I returned to square one in my investigation.

Nice camera skillz, right?

It wasn't until I found the pink wrapper that I figured it out: a pantiliner.  Wonderful.

From then on, it was all about finding the pad itself.  I totally forgot what brand this is, but they should use a similar tactic in their advertising campaigns.  "Feminine pads!  They soak up all of the water in your washing machine!  They hold four gallons of liquid!"

I mean, this fucker filled up like a balloon.  That is brilliant! Imagine if you...  ew.  Nevermind.  NEVERMIND.

Oh, God.

1 comment:

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