Destruction!

With 40-mph winds today, I definitely had trouble walking. But I didn't anticipate coming home to this:

The tree to the right (covered in ivy) is super tall and apparently very brittle. It splintered and rained down upon our back porch. Here's a closer look:

Took me twenty minutes to clean it all up. And to top it all off, one of the monster branches broke one of the planks in the porch and I almost got stuck. If my feet were even slightly larger... Well, I wouldn't have to wear children's shoes if that were the case...

To seal the deal on a not-so-perfect day, the Orkin man cancelled on us and we have to wait another two days for him to come and find the rotting mouse (or rat - oh, I hope not!) trapped somewhere in our bathroom. I suspect it's under the under-the-sink cabinets and if I had a crow bar, I would have checked for myself. The smell is horrifying. Thank goodness my guests aren't coming until... oh, wait. They're coming tomorrow! Well, EmFace and Adam, I hope you like the smell of death! Welcome to DC!

F the F Off

K-10's job sucks, but luckily she'll be starting grad school in the fall (congratulations again, sloot!). We decided that she should spend as much if not more time writing her letter of resignation than she spent on her essay for King's College. Here's what I came up with (the craptastic formatting is thanks to gmail chat - I can't fix it without retyping the entire thing, and frankly, I don't feel like it):

Um, Hi. Remember me? I'm K-10. I do more work than you'll ever imagine. I do whatever I'm told and I never get a break. I interview people to work above me, I don't get raises, and I have to do everyone's shopping. So, I hope that you have a great time finding the twelve people to replace me, because that's the amount of work that I do. The work of twelve people! I wouldn't say it if it wasn't true. F off. F the f off! Bye!


I don't know why, but "f the f off" made us laugh like idiots.

Polite = Free! I think...

A month or so ago, I was waiting in a fairly long line at the Chinatown Chipotle. The line really didn't matter - I had been thinking about my veggie burrito all morning while wasting away at work. So there I am, lah di dah, waiting. I get up to the front, order my stuff ("extra rice, please!"), and about halfway down the assembly line (I am so a Detroit girl), this Manager-type guy says,

"Hello! Thank you for coming in today!"

Now, I don't know what I said in return. I'm sure I said hello. I know I said something about guacamole (because, YUM), but I don't know what else. I think that I might have said the magic word he was waiting for, because when I made it to the register and got my cup to fuel my Coke addiction, the cashier said, "Thanks for coming in today!" as he handed me my bag o' burrito.

"How much?" I asked.

"It's on us today!" he chirped back at me.

"No, no... that's okay." as I push my money toward him.

Manager-type guy comes over and says, "I've got it today. You can pay next time."

"...Okay. Thanks!" I backed away slowly a few steps before finally turning around.

What did I say or do? I mean, I always make it a point to be polite in restaurants of any kind - I see no reason for why people can't be nice. Hell, I even say "please" and "thank you" in the McDonald's drive-thru. Was this a reward for being nice? Or was I just the one hundredth person in line?


I guess it wasn't such a surprise - I chalked it up to good luck and good timing. But I went to Chipotle this past Tuesday night - after working an hour later than usual - and the line was a little longer than I expected because a Wizards game started in a half hour. So I jumped in the line, busied myself with texting, and slowly made my way to the front of the line.

Halfway down the assembly line, who do I see? Manager-type Guy. He smiles.

"Thanks for visiting us again!" he exclaimed perkily.

"Yeah!" I can't believe he remembers me.

He nods something to the cashier. I SWEAR.

I stepped up to pay, and the exact same thing happens.

"Hi, good to see you!" (He apparently remembers me too) . "Thanks for coming in today! It's on us!" Same cashier.

"Really? Thanks!"

And I left.

I love Chipotle. Don't you?

~ ~ ~

Another good story involves me and the smoothie stand in Union Station's Food Court. I love their smoothies. Fresh strawberries with strawberry frozen yogurt. Sometimes I get bananas, too. YUM. The owner knows me - I get one at least twice a week. He now gives me an orange with each smoothie.

That probably has more to do with being a repeat customer than having good timing. But I'll take it!

Verbatim, part 2

Another amazing email (someone had responded to him about financial aid or something, and this is his response):

Hullo thank you for your correspondence you give me, but what i need from you is that, l am a male , 22years old from Uganda, Africa, who need to fall in relationships with a white lady from either Europe or america plus canada. i need help from you to solve that issue either to give me does email addresses and i contact them or if you have other ways to get them,i need your help. Thanks
yours
semanda.

Verbatim

This is, word for word, what someone sent to the work email account last night. It's pretty sweet:

"Any girl scout can graduate from scythe over corporation, but it takes a real toothpick to living with ocean.If stalactite beyond host living with ski lodge, then briar patch around sandwich hides.Furthermore, defined by fire hydrant dies, and for satellite conquer chain saw beyond food stamp."

Ah, philosophy. I hope that he/she applies for an internship.

Audobon Exhibit

The John James Audobon exhibit at the National Gallery of Art is a must-see for any bird lover or art lover. The selected works are originals from which only two complete copies remain. He was a master illustrator who drew and painted with such detail, his works are relevant today. Enjoy!

Pileated Woodpecker

Egret

Snowy Owl (Hedwig!)

Mallard Duck

Nevermore! (Raven - hehe!)

Bald Eagle

This piece is a perfect example of how his works influenced and continue to influence scientists and illustrators even today. This depiction of the eagle with a fish has been replicated in displays in museums all over the world and books on the subject. Because he worked from real specimens, his attention to detail is unmatched.

Ivory-Billed Woodpecker

Nuthatch

A little blurry, but this piece was one of my favorites because it captures the playfulness of these adorable birds.

Osprey

One of his rare oil paintings. The watercolor (or aquatint, as it was known then) hangs nearby. Compare the two - they're amazing.

Cardinal

Easily my favorite on display. This piece was all about the birds themselves. They're so beautiful!

Scary!

After receiving over 200 internship applications for the summer, I've learned a great deal about Microsoft Access, the copy machine, and the applicants themselves who just WON'T. STOP. CALLING about their applications. "Have my reference letters arrived?" "Have my transcripts arrived?" "Did it arrive on time?" "Did I remember to sign it?" "Did I use enough staples?" (answer: Never! You can never use too many staples! Interns apparently LOVE staples, staplers, and any device that will adhere as many staples as possible to their required five complete copies. My hand hurts from using my trusty staple remover to extract them from each packet). Did I use the best, most unique paperclips?

And that's where the contest begins...

(FYI - This gets scary. Not just the content - that alone is terrifying. It's scary because it shows how completely insane I am. You have been warned).


If you sent in an application with any of these "paperclips," I would disqualify you if at all possible. I hate these paperclips. They're huge! And some are rusty and scary! It's bad enough that I could get anthrax from the hundreds of envelopes I opened - I could get tetanus! There exists a mini version of these clamp-like things, which I adore, but I didn't receive any applications with those :(

These are nice. Small, free of rust, and sometimes colorful, these paperclips make an application desirable. Ah...

You can't tell from the picture, but these are large paperclips. I HATE these. Some of the silver ones are grooved and they tear the hell out of your carefully constructed application. Too late - your application sucks!

I don't know what the hell this is. Scary!

These. I don't know what these are. They were almost impossible to pry off of the applications and left the paper bent and ugly. Ew!

Check out this rogue mini paperclip! It's blurry, but you can see the amazing pattern. Green and white striped! Your application goes in the "maybe" pile!

Let's take a look at all of them together. So many emotions...

~~~

Now, the paperclips below are awesome. I've never seen anything like them. These applicants win everything! Yay!

Have you ever seen any paperclips as cool as these? That regular-looking one in the back is special because it is extremely tiny. I LOVE the tiny paperclips. These are all perfection.

See? I told you I was INSANE.

(Though I am insane, rest easy. I actually have very little say in accepting interns. I review each applicant's interests and experience to see with which staff member s/he would best fit, and I'm not allowed to throw away the stupid applications, i.e., the high school students who didn't read the internship description that says UNDERGRADUATE SENIOR OR GRADUATE STUDENT).

What On a Stick, Now?

Yep. Pork Stick. I didn't see anyone order it. It sounds good, but if any of the other things were ordered were any indication, the pork stick might not be your best happy hour choice. I don't know...

So. Damn. Cute.

Already driving!

In between crawling and staring at us. There was much staring.

Kewpie doll.

My weekend in Michigan was great... except for the amazing seven-degree weather we had on Saturday. Yes, seven degrees. It was a bit chilly. And windy. I was all about the layers. And the crazy thing is, I can't wait to get back!

The Great White North

One and a half hours to go, and then I'm off to the great white north! No, not Canada. Though, speaking of our neighbors to the north, I just got this picture in an email today:

I really have no idea why I thought it was so funny, but there's my sense of humor for you. Thanks, Woelker.

Anyway, The Lady called me this morning to remind me to "bring a warm coat. It's going to be nineteen tomorrow."

Nineteen degrees? Awesome. It's sixty degrees in DC right now. Talk about transition...